Attachment Issues

[Pencil]

quietly reading along and laughing like a maniac.

Do join in 91 Girl!

 

[Core]

I've no idea how I helped, but... thank you. Or rather, I'm happy and thankful I could help somehow. :wideeyed: Almost wrote hugs, but then, no. I am so sorry I do not understand how I helped, as I would love for you to not feel alone, but I am happy that I did possibly help, hopefully. *:happy: and :confused:*

 

[Rumors]

Pencil! That is a really long time to go without relations! Even if for a one night stand! However, do you find your daughter gives you enough security at times? Whatever enough actually is.

 

[Pencil]

You want in theory to find a therapist that works with at least an open or pro attitude to touch and is role in recovery

Good morning Springer

Right. I'm still stuck there.
But now I'm stuck in another place as well:

I have .... erm ... kinda become attached :speechless: to the therapist who is so hands-off it's not funny (of course it isn't) AND I'm going through such attachment turmoil - that I know that any physical contact would make the fear and attachment paranoia 100 times worse. This is a huge problem ... sigh

 

[Pencil]

Almost wrote hugs

Cyber hugs are perfectly nice Core! It's the intention behind it that I really appreciate. So, here's a hug for you

(((((((((Core))))))))) :hug:

 

[Core]

Or was it simply sarcasm that went over my head? That's not a hurt question, it's a "I'm likely not to catch such things these days". :)

 

[Pencil]

I've no idea how I helped,

Okay, Core, if you REALLY want to help you can email the therapist and tell her about attachment and hormones and so on ... and tell her that conversations about it won't solve the problem.

simply sarcasm that went over my head?

What are you referring to? But whatever it was, no, that is definitely not my style, ever, so don't ever even think it.

 

[Pencil]

do you find your daughter gives you enough security at times?

Hi Rumors, welcome back :)

I'm not sure what you mean by 'security'.

 

[Pencil]

I've no idea how I helped

I guess you were referring to this.

It helps in the sense that you make a simple connection between the need for physical contact and attachment.

My problem, as I've figured it out is:

I grew up with zero, and I mean ZERO physical contact and affection and security etc. Lots of violence, abandonment etc etc. Many people go through this, and don't develop this weird reaction to physical contact that I have, but somehow this is what happened for me.

I have a total intolerance of physical contact, at the same time I have an unbearable need for physical contact. At the same time I have huge attachment problems - the same push pull dynamic.

And you see the simple connection between it, whereas most people don't. The fact that you GET it helps me as it creates an enormous sense of relief. You get it. Springer gets it. Virtually nobody else does.

Clearer now?

 

[Core]

Okay, Core, if you REALLY want to help you can email the therapist

I was great at writing formal letters about... a year and a half ago, if that helps? :) Just a fast quote from wikipedia, haven't checked sources: "Oxytocin is associated with higher levels of trust in laboratory studies on humans. It has been called the "cuddle chemical" for its role in facilitating trust and attachment.[18]" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding) And a lot of attachment/love hormones are supposed to be released in relation to sex, though I never personally experienced that pre-rapes.

I'm no expert on these things, obviously, these are just bits I picked up way back. Safe internet hugs back for ((((Pencil))))

 

[Rumors]

Insert attachment instead of security. Do you feel attachment for your daughter? Obviously, I know you LOVE her but what kind of attachment do you feel towards her?

Sorry, I have been MIA all week. Busy as hell and had a tough week.

 

[Pencil]

Rumors

MIA?

My relationship with my daughter is difficult in the sense that, yes, I love her passionately, but I find being 'plugged in' permanently impossible. I need to disengage regularly, which she finds difficult. But this would be true for any introvert, so it may not have anything to do with my attachment difficulties.

But things are also completely different with her: I don't fear attachment with her. I'm also very physical and affectionate - but it has to be on my terms. I get agitated when she hovers in my space, I explode when she touches me and I don't see it coming, if she sits in my lap she can't fidget or wriggle, etc etc. So I'm not exactly relaxed.

That is a really long time to go without

I think this gives you an indication of what a problem it is for me.