Timidity...a Result Of Ptsd?

[Philippa]

I have been aware for many many years, since before my original traumas, that I am quite timid, and I know, having been raised in a catholic way, the idea of being 'meek' and 'mild' was drilled into me and became a part of my behavioral status quo, as I had bought into all the crap I'd been fed at school and through the church.

I thought I had overcome the meekness thing, but have been painfully aware of the lingering timidity that has stayed with me for over 20 years.

I want to know if anyone here has felt the same way, as though they are stuck being this way...timidly marching through life? I used to be fearless, but I feel like a mouse so many times these days, and I am perceived as timid by quite a few people, and I hate that.

I want to transform that timidity into more Alpha female leadership, and am working on postural re-alignments and well as hypnosis to address this. Does anyone have anything else to offer in the way of strategies for overcoming timidity, or just feel like sharing that they can relate to this post?

 

[Pencil]

Philippa, I am an insane mixture of timidity and fearlessness, and don't ask me to explain it, as I, for the life of me, can't hope to begin to. And I definitely think it has more to do with PTSD than education.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I agree with Pencil, I am timid and shy right up until the point where I am fearless. I think until that point is when I am pushed into survival where I start fighting back with all my might.

 

[Pencil]

Socially I am either so bold it's shocking, or I hide away in a corner. Kas, I think you've just pointed something out to me - I think it's when I have to be assertive that I kinda start wilting.

 

[Philippa]

Interesting input. Thanks.

I feel the same way Pencil, although it is situational for me. I have become better at being assertive when it is called for, but I still do fall back into wilting at times. Can you pinpoint when timidity became 'normal' state for you, and was it after you were diagnosed that you became more aware of the timidity, or before that?

 

[Cat Herder]

I am quite timid as well. It's hard for me to even speak up about things that are making me unhappy at work so it festers until I burn out.

 

[Pencil]

although it is situational for me. ... Can you pinpoint when timidity became 'normal' state for you,

Yes, it is situational for me as well, but it has always been like. As a child I was extremely timid in new situations, and very bold where I felt at home and comfortable. I'm a fighter, so it was especially when I felt angry or sensed injustice that I 'forgot' to be timid. It is now more complicated, or diffuse. IN my teens I had major depressive order and agoraphobia, so I was timid when I went out the front door. Now I'm reclusive, but not timid. I don't fear the world, I fear closeness and intimacy ...

OH, you know what, this is making me realize what a bloody mess I am.

 

[aka]

I am very timid in most social settings. I try sometimes to communicate my feelings to others but most of the time my brain shuts down making vocal communication impossible. This was the reason I would never stand up to the people who bullied me as a kid. Instead I would ignore them which only showed them that I was the perfect person to pick on.

 

[Philippa]

I'm a fighter, so it was especially when I felt angry or sensed injustice that I 'forgot' to be timid.

Yes, this describes me very well also. Injustice gets my blood boiling and I forget to hesitate or be afraid. I act.

IN my teens I had major depressive order and agoraphobia, so I was timid when I went out the front door. Now I'm reclusive, but not timid. I don't fear the world, I fear closeness and intimacy ...

I was somewhat similar, though I cannot claim to have been agoraphobic. I've definitely been reclusive though, and a hermit for years. I've only started to force myself out the door and mingle more in recent years. It's not that comfortable, but I need people, whether I want to admit to it or not.

OH, you know what, this is making me realize what a bloody mess I am.

Oh damn, sorry bout that. If it's any consolation, I'm right there with ya. :)

 

[Philippa]

I am very timid in most social settings. I try sometimes to communicate my feelings to others but most of the time my brain shuts down making vocal communication impossible. This was the reason I would never stand up to the people who bullied me as a kid. Instead I would ignore them which only showed them that I was the perfect person to pick on.

That's so similar to me. I've had to train myself to be assertive and take a stand, but finding my voice to be able to in the past was a real feat. I'd always lose courage...especially around my father. He intimidated me a lot as a child, and I never felt I could tell him how his behavior made me feel, even when he asked me, and seemed to be able to detect that I felt resentment towards him. I still couldn't bring myself to share my feelings or feel safe doing that around him.

I did stand up to one guy a couple of years ago who was being a bully to me, and I thought I did a good job of it, but apparently I was not convincing enough because it did not stop him. He just kept it up whenever I would see him, and I kept standing up to him but when I realized it was not doing any good I just abandon him as a friend. Not sure what I did or didn't do wrong or right there, but I thought I was making myself clear.

I think it has to do with voice projection for me...but also, with some people, if they are used to being able to bully you and know you won't say anything, it becomes a matter of changing the program so they start to learn that you won't put up with it anymore, and they aren't immediately convinced of this, so it may take time and constant re-affirming for them to finally get that you mean business.

 

[aka]

if they are used to being able to bully you and know you won't say anything, it becomes a matter of changing the program so they start to learn that you won't put up with it anymore

Problem I have with standing up for myself is that I keep remembering the one time I got the courage to do it. I got pinned against a wall by the irate mother giving me a lecture on how I had no right to reject her daughter. I think after that I just gave up trying to be assertive to those who bullied me cause I found it easier to deal with then the added attention I received when I did. I am now trying to retrain myself but old habits are hard to break. Especial when you don't interact with anyone except family.

 

[Philippa]

Yes, it's definitely not easy, and that sounds understandable aka.