Leah, if it's any help, it took far less than this to make me shut down; I don't tell the therapist I am upset by their oversights or insensitivity. I think it shows remarkable ability that you can talk back and know why/how this upset you. So that seems healthy to me.
Maybe I am more paranoid than most, but if I were you, I'd be worried that she said this not entirely on purpose but due to her own anger at your pushing ahead after she said "go more slowly." I feel they have the same equipment we do; that is to say, uncontrolled, unconscious desires, such as to be listened to and respected.
I'm not blaming you one bit. I may actually over-identify with you. In fact, I am intolerant to therapy because I resent someone telling me at what rate they subjectively feel I should be processing. Even if I have PTSD, what gives another human the right to determine the rate or method of healing of another? Are all of us with PTSD the same? Hell no. So why do therapists think they know the rate we need to go? Was this just an elaborate "wrist slap" for your moving ahead faster? (Am I just paranoid and angry?)
I think I am angry, but if someone tells me how to process anymore, I don't care who they are, I think I will ask them who they think they are to be saying that. Even if their teachers told them to slow things if they can, do they have to be so crude as to just bluntly say that? Jeez.
I am not sure she's up to the challenge of dealing with someone with PTSD who is also intelligent, resourceful and sensitive as you. A high-functioning person with ____ needs an even higher-functioning therapist to be able to offer the skill to lead the healing relationship. Right now, you are leading. Maybe you can just sense you are stronger?
Maybe you're (rightly) frustrated. It's so hard to find someone who is just right. I hope we do.
Honoring your healing work, Muse
