My Therapist Totally Just Traumatized Me

[Leah123]

Ha, maybe so, Abstract. She's divorced, long ago, and never remarried. Sometimes, I think she's out of touch. She has such a simple, easy life. No kids, no spouse, a nice setup, no stress.

 

[Abstract]

It's hard to explain, I'm sure I'm not justifying myself well, or explaining everything.

I dont think you need to justify anything as I can totally see why you feel as you do and think everyone here can see it too. It sounds very painful and understandably so. :(

I have been the one in therapy, by the way, to push to deal with this issue. I have not shied away from it as much as her, she's been telling me to go slow

Thats very interesting to know. I think she has probably had a moment of bad judgement. And a moment where she has not understood what an image like that could do for you. I am so sorry.

Maybe let yourself just express your hurt and anger at present. Afterwards you an work on accepting that she is human and can make errors and try to get past the whole thing.

My husband and I have a very satisfying life together,

That is so wonderful. That is something to keep in mind. That is what is real and nothing can change it. Maybe it would help to reclaim the reality and truth for yourself. To write out your truth and the reality to remind yourself of what it is. That is what is important.

I think you have great resilience to have been able to create that with your husband.

 

[Leah123]

Abstract, you should be my therapist, lol. I feel much better reading what you wrote, all of it. I think you're right. I think, it's not TOO unfair of me to say that, she made a mistake, to be so blunt and that it was poor wording and worse timing. I know I'm not being objective, but... I can't justify what she said one bit, though I have faith that she meant well, but it's like.... shock therapy or something, and I didn't sign on for that.

 

[Pencil]

"All of the energy you expend during sex to keep your father out of your mind, greatly inhibits your emotional intimacy with XXXXXXX; emotional intimacy is the key to satisfying sex, particularly as we get older and hormones are no longer raging.

I find this very odd and disjointed.

I assume you were not talking about having unsatisfying sex with your husband.

Plus, if you use mental energy, then you need to. She can't force that wall down, which is, in effect what she did. Oy. Talk about a bull in a china shop.

 

[Leah123]

Omg, thank you Pencil, a million times, for saying that! You are writing exactly how I'm feeling, like she forced down the mental wall!!! It is disjointed, I feel like she was giving me some kind of random sex advice when she doesn't really know anything about my sex life. Sex and abuse are DIFFERENT. Just because one affects the other, she should not presume everything she does. I had been telling her about how going to *bed* and waking up with panic attacks were bothering me lately, I was only talking about the actual, physical bed, NOT my husband, and I feel like she tangled everything up.

 

[Pencil]

like she forced down the mental wall!!!

And this was the one thing she shouldn't have done. Therapists are not actually supposed to dig in people's heads with shovels.

Do you think she is the right therapist for you?

And what the waning of raging hormones has to do with anything, only she will know.

 

[Leah123]

I think I'm too upset to know right now. It kills me to spend an hour (time and money) on a session, and to feel RELIEF, blessed, blessed relief, that I've been craving, to feel like she understands me, and then..... to get that image in my head..... it's like.... eating a meal, when starving, but the last bite gives you food poisoning. I don't know how to judge it. I feel terrible.

 

[Pencil]

I know exactly what you mean - that's what I felt when my therapist 'ambushed' me. But we did sort it out, and I did trust her again. (But then she made another mess ... , sigh).

You're in a very difficult place right now, for you have TWO issues - the mental wall that is now down, as well as lack of trust in your therapist. It's a big one.

 

[Abstract]

Well.:unsure: I think there can be times when a shovel is needed and when it can be helpful for healing. But this doesnt seem the time! I don't think a shovel = bad therapist and some people work very well with therapists with shovels.

And I think a good therapist and therapist that does fit can mess up and pick up a shovel when they shouldnt!

And then there are bad therapist running around helter skelter with shovels! :wideeyed:

The trick of it is to be able to validate your feelings I think and then after the dust settles think if the general relationship is helpful and good or if this is a sign of how the whole relationship is. I normally need to let the dust settle forst when something bad happens as otherwise I am too triggered to see through it. And I struggle to not then make them all bad. Just my take on it!:notworthy:

 

[Abstract]

I think I'm too upset to know right now

I totally aprove of your thinking here. Totally understand too about letting your guard down and then feeling like you have been fed poison. Sorry Leah.

One thing is for sure. Therapists will always mess up at times as that is part of human relationships. The only way it doesnt happen is when the person can read our minds and since that is not possible it doesnt happen.

It took me a while to realise that what i expected was for someone to think about things exactly as I did and when they didn't and hit on my own vulnerable points that I thought they were evil itself.

Some of that time they did make very serious errors and those errors affected me very badly and probably disproportionally but the truth is that most of the damage came because of my own unique wounds and not from their errors.

The problem of course is that when we are talking about such vulnerable stuff everything is so intense and we are so vulnerable. Very hard. And one of the reasons I have not been able to get back into therapy.

 

[Abstract]

Sex and abuse are DIFFEREN

Yes.

 

[Leah123]

Sigh, now like my whole day feels wasted. I know I'm being petty, but... you know... with all my stress lately, and the MANY difficult changes I'm making in my life to improve things.... to have such a bad day, it's just discouraging. I'm sorry to be a whiner. I so appreciate you all for helping me.