Back To Trauma Work... Would Be Grateful For Any Support

[Abstract]

Good for you Hashi! I hope you continue to process it as comfortably as possible. And I am sooo glad the t was able to get herself together and be there for you in the way you needed and need. :)

I have had a very similar sequence of reactions to processing something before. Like a little roller coaster ride....

Take care.

 

[Hashi]

I appreciate all your kind thoughts so much. I was very worried about doing this due to my initial reaction when I was getting ready for the session, and it has meant a lot to me to have such support. I'm touched that you've thought of me since. I know everyone else has a lot going on themselves.

It's been a really intense week, having this session then going back to work the next day. In amongst the dreams about work have been some that were clearly about trauma, risking getting too close to it, needing to manage it, and even a sort of trauma reversal (in the dream, being protected by someone who didn't protect me in the past). It could be a bit overwhelming if I wasn't very focussed on doing OK in my new job right now.

There's also a whole load of stuff about my therapist, recent problems, resolution, how great she's been about this. She's gone out of her way to enable us to have a follow up session next week, despite my new working hours not suiting her availability. I'm glad to be feeling a little bit in love with her again :oops::eek::)

Thank you again, I'm so grateful for your support.

 

[therisa]

Hashi, the more I read here, the more, I realize I need to be joining you, in seeking trauma counselling. For too long, I have been avoiding this issue that would help, in my healing. Thank you, for sharing this part of your healing. Need to get off my butt, and start phoning a health centre that I have been counselled, in the past. Hate the long wait list, though.

 

[Hashi]

Hate the long wait list, though.

The sooner you get on it, the sooner your appointment will come through. :)

When I initially started trauma counselling I had about a six month wait. Then the appointment came up for me with the right counsellor at the right time. I'm glad you've decided to do it, and I trust that the same will be true for you too.

 

[therisa]

Hashi, the counsellor that I was dealing with, at the time, had retired, and I was getting CBT, at a local hospital. I should phoned the health centre, after the CBT was done.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Hi Hashi,

I'm actually just starting in trauma therapy/work now, my first serious attempt at therapy was January of this year. So I really do understand just how rough it can be. Our plans for how we are going to plan our life is going to be based around how I go in therapy, so I know how hard and important it can be to go through this.

I have good coping skills, strategies, can look after myself etc. I'm also able to talk with my therapist. Those things aren't the reason I'm posting. I feel a bit foolish saying this, but I'd forgotten this feeling. I remembered intellectually how rough it is, but I didn't remember the feeling of that. It feels so bad.

I think we sound a fair bit similar from this statement....I really identify with this.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Hashi,

You are very brave to do both trauma work and start a new job. I understand your reasons for doing so and hope your Monday went well - your new work week. :) New beginnings.

 

[Hashi]

Thank you, Abstract!

Had horrible anxiety on Sunday about the job, which I managed to calm with a lot of relaxation and meditation. I've since come up with some practical arrangements I can make at work to reduce my fears of messing up, so I hope it will be OK. It's hard not to get stressed and hard not to feel hopeless and incapable.

I'm getting a lot of feelings relating to the trauma session, not while at work but outside it, and that's difficult. I'm finding things are making me think of the trauma and it's upsetting, much more than usual.

I'm also having a hard time with how I see myself. It has become very real, I just don't have the denial/dissociation options any more, and it's rough adjusting to that. There's nothing to dim the feelings and at the moment I'm feeling how damaged my life has been and how damaged my mind has been, and it's awful.

I was getting very down about it, thinking what was the point of going through that session to get to such a miserable place, but today I realised that it's because I'm not done with the "going through". I need to continue with more trauma work, and I don't know how with a new job but I have to. I talked with my therapist about it and we've decided to start again in a month, which at least gives me a bit more settling in time. (I'm trying not to say time to get fired and be out of work again... this is my mood and anxiety at the moment. *sighs*)

 

[Hashi]

I'm actually just starting in trauma therapy/work now, my first serious attempt at therapy was January of this year. So I really do understand just how rough it can be.

Yes, very rough. I'm glad you have good skills for taking care of yourself through it. Sending you good wishes.

 

[ms spock]

I need to continue with more trauma work, and I don't know how with a new job but I have to. I talked with my therapist about it and we've decided to start again in a month, which at least gives me a bit more settling in time. (I'm trying not to say time to get fired and be out of work again... this is my mood and anxiety at the moment. *sighs*)

That is eminently sensible containment and is a very wise decision.

 

[ms spock]

Had horrible anxiety on Sunday about the job, which I managed to calm with a lot of relaxation and meditation.

That is quite the achievement so I hope you gave yourself credit for this Hashi.

I've since come up with some practical arrangements I can make at work to reduce my fears of messing up, so I hope it will be OK. It's hard not to get stressed and hard not to feel hopeless and incapable.

It is hard so it is great that you were proactive and worked out strategies.

There's nothing to dim the feelings and at the moment I'm feeling how damaged my life has been and how damaged my mind has been, and it's awful.

I find I am really struggling with how damage my life has been and how my mind has been so I can really relate and feel for you on this one. The thing is Hashi you are being so proactive and are putting strategies in place which is good and productive. So I hope you are noticing this about yourself.

 

[Hashi]

Ms Spock, you're so kind! I'm sorry you're going through something similar, but I appreciate your support and encouragement very much. I hope you're giving yourself credit for your work and your progress too.