Touch/trust

[sawtooth]

I wasn't going to post anything. I never know what to say or how to put it. I don't communicate well don't think. So sorry.

I hate when someone touches me. The only time someone does is if its a doctor or someone accidentally brushes against me somehow. I got a cast off my hand about a week ago, week and a half ago, and so the doctor had to touch my hand/arm. Its physically painful to be touched or to see someone touching someone else. It makes me cringe and causes something to go haywire or something, and it hurts allover. I don't think I will ever trust someone enough or get over not hurting if someone doe touch me. I'm so out of touch with everything. I'm pretty much mute, don't say anything to anyone.

I don't think people get it. I have 2 friends from online. They don't get it I don't think. I act a way online, but behind a computer screen I'm falling apart, I'm a disaster. They have no idea, they cant see me or hear me.

I don't know what to do. Is this normal? Or what is wrong with me. I have seen a therapist in the past off and on, I'm not now though.

 

[sawtooth]

Maybe my 2 friends are a disaster behind the screen too? I cant see them or hear them anymore than they can see or hear me?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't know what your history is. Were you abused physically or sexually?

It sounds understandable but really something you should talk to a therapist about. Have you thought of getting a new one?

Wishing you the best.

 

[piratelady]

I'm with Ayesha, it might be a good idea to try to work through that, or at least talk about it in therapy.

 

[The Albatross]

I had an aversion, for a time, about being touched. Even accidentally. I have been able to work through some of it with challenges. I don't flinch or cringe any more when touched or hugged. I don't pull back but sometime I still get a bit rigid and my brain goes blank.

For me the problem was sexual trauma. I still have a sexual dysfunction and haven't been brave consistently enough to rectify that in my marital relationship. But some things have improved.

I think for me, the aversion was a maladptive coping mechanism to keep me safe. If no one physically touched me, I wouldn't get physically hurt. But on the other hand, it was a very lonely place to be.

I agree with Ayesha and Pirate Lady.

 

[sawtooth]

Yes, both. And sorry, now I just feel stupid for posting that. I've seen a therapist off and on, but I don't talk. I don't talk to anyone verbally, I have a friend online but that's all superficial and what I do say she doesn't get. But how can I talk to a therapist if I don't talk? I guess that's why I posted in a ptsd support forum...idk. Thanks for replies.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Don't feel stupid. Nothing wrong.

But how can I talk to a therapist if I don't talk?

Have you thought of writing it down and showing the therapist? Sending an email? Painting or drawing or something creative to show your feelings?

I used to do all of that, it works. :)

 

[sawtooth]

I've had a therapist in the past have me write it down, but not as an established way to communicate, just to get it out. I talk, but not often. When I do its uncomfortable, slow and frustrating. Probably for the both of us.

 

[intothelight]

Aro,

The only suggestion that I can make is to take things one step at a time.

I don't communicate well don't think.

Actually, you communicated very well in your post. Your described the problem and your questions and concerns were very relevant. It is difficult for people that have been traumatized, and especially with PTSD, to sometimes connect with others.

Therapy can really help and if it is difficult to communicate verbally for any extended period, there is nothing wrong with writing down your concerns, feelings, etc. to go over in a session. Sometimes setting a goal of say engaging in ten minutes of conversation total and then increasing it a bit at each visit may be something that could help.

Fear can be paralyzing, but facing the fear and pushing through it a little at a time can make it less intense with each interaction. I had to reconnect verbally, before I could even consider connecting on a physical level. I am still not much of a "hugger" and probably never will be. Each person is different and so is there path to healing. I hope you find what works best for you.

Debbie

 

[Philippa]

I was about to post a link for how to give a yoni massage, which is considered healing for touch issues, but I decided it wasn't really appropriate for your thread, so I'm gonna say instead that it may be a good time for you to do nice things for yourself, and have pleasurable experiences, like taking warm baths, and paying some attention to how you feel when you touch yourself anywhere on your body. Are you able to give your legs a gentle massage, or maybe your scalp? How do things like that feel for you?

How long have you not talked verbally for? I went pretty quiet for a few years myself, after the initial trauma with my pregnancy termination. I started forcing myself to speak a couple of years ago, though I'm not sure that was the best course of action either, but I was really isolated for a while.

It is hard to know what else to offer, given that none of us know much about your history, but you aren't obliged to share if you don't feel like it. If you were sexually abused, then it sounds like it is perfectly normal response to having been violated. If not, then I am not sure?

 

[KrispyKreme]

I can not handle touch either. I am currently trying to work up the courage to go to therapy.

I empathize with you Aro.