Do Others Sense Your Ptsd And Pounce?

[WillyKat]

Is it just me or does it seem that sometimes people can sense our--call it what you will--weakness, disorder, PTSD and just can't resist the urge to treat you with disrespect, or worse?

Seems to me our "culture" is more like junior high school, where anyone different is just pounced on. Do we represent an opportunity for someone to feel superior by knocking us down? Or is it just instinct to pounce on the weak, like sharks that smell blood?

I read posts here and I know my feelings. It's like the world has it in for us. I'm just wondering if its instinctive.

Sorry if I'm rambling; my thoughts are a jumble right now.

Is there a culture out there where we could live in peace and have a chance to thrive? One that isn't called "Oz"?

 

[Leah123]

I haven't had that experience, per se, and am sorry that you have. I do remember getting a lot of unwanted, frightening attention from men in my youth, and I do feel that they sensed my fear as a sexual abuse survivor/trauma victim, because I had a very hard time being assertive and having boundaries as a teenager, so perhaps that's a little similar to what you mean? But, after getting past high school, where it seemed to me many people were desperately insecure and did pounce on outsiders, that I haven't had any type of issues like that. I wonder, are you referring to individual people you know, or more of a mass society type effect?

 

[WillyKat]

Yeah, there are individuals for sure. I'm not very strong willed, and I think people sense that. But I know I'm not the only one that isn't strong willed and it seems that a-holes that happen to be strong willed just smell blood.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Seems to me our "culture" is more like junior high school, where anyone different is just pounced on

I wouldn't really say that, though also I am unsure which 'culture' is yours; American? European? World is changing in my view. People are starting to realize other people beyond their own race, culture, upbringing exist. The power to the internet and the quick knowledge it can provide is changing how people think. Like gay marriage for example...Or interracial marriage, which in my state was not legal until 1967. So big changes...

But...about feeling like prey. I do agree with you to some degree. When I was 19, very ill and weak I seemed to attracted more people who wanted to dominate me exactly how I grew up. And they did. I was following down the same path.

When I got stronger and healthier I started attracting more 'thinkers', I become a 'leader' in some places instead of looked over like I was in high school and less people who were just out to get in my pants. I think it all has to do with predators, abusers and just hurtful people in general. People notice my anxiety for example and for someone who is looking for prey then they might be skilled at reading signs of someone who that can control; Body language for example, standing straight and level verse hunched over. A reason there are child sexual predators is becasue children are more easily manipulated.

I don't have a clear answer for you about how to change that. Work on yourself. I changed where I looked for friends and my crowd of people.

Take care.

Ayesha

 

[Anna]

I tend to attract weird men. Really weird men, creepy and disgusting. They also seem to think they can say what they want to me and I won't get offended in anyway.

I tend to avoid men because of this.

 

[WillyKat]

Ayeesha,

My culture? I live in an area of the US known for its tolerance and liberal attitudes. And among all that, I still feel like bait.

And speaking of liberals...people can be tolerant and liberal in their politics but still be premier buttholes in the workplace. I once had to interview the person that I would be reporting to and I asked her about how she would handle someone on the staff that was going through a rough patch and had emotional problems. Her answer was that "they would eventually have to be managed out."

Oh, and her boss had all sorts of liberal credits up and down her sleeves, even arrested once in a protest. But it didn't extend into the workplace; she fired someone three days into her new job and I think that was just to prove she was in charge. In the high tech business, anyone that isn't giving their life to get the work done is looked down on as incompetent, worthless, etc. But high tech is one of the most liberal industries, politically speaking, there is.

I'm not just talking about the workplace. I see shows on TV that are primarily about humiliating people. I watched "Hoarders: Buried Alive" a couple weeks ago. It was all about making fun of people that have issues.

 

[Abstract]

I think there are two main parts to this. One is our skewed perception of the world because of past experience and hypervigilence. The other is that certain people who have problems (are predatory, abusers or have serious personality disorders) sense vulnerability and tend to attempt to exploit it. I think there can be a familiarity for both parties that draws them together.

And I think Leah is right in that a lot of it is about not having proper boundaries or assertiveness skills as well as probably sending out discordant signals for situations. For me one of the main ways I presented was a lack of reaction and probably what appeared to be a strange control and calmness.

There are also unsympathetic and dishonest people which are slightly different in my opinion.

For me learning how to protect myself has been a huge part of recovery and I think it is absolutely essential for getting better. Repeatedly being targeted is not conducive to recovery at all.

 

[WillyKat]

I think there can be a familiarity for both parties tthat drws them together.

Oh you are deadly accurate with that one. Accurate and so very sad. Fits me perfectly. I kept (notice the use of the paste tense) being attracted to remote, emotionless, uncaring if not narcissistic women. In fact I'm stuck in a marriage to one.

For me one of the main ways I presented was a lack of reaction and probably what appeared to be a strange control and calmness.

I think I have that very badly. I have issues around standing up for myself with out getting whiny, frustrated, and finally into a rage that turns inward. And I know where that comes from. My abuser was several years older but still in school. We rode the bus together. He terrorized me daily during my first three years of school. Standing up for myself got equated with getting killed, so it's really hard for me to change, and I'm not the most patient person.

Thanks all, this is helping.

 

[aka]

Is it just me or does it seem that sometimes people can sense our--call it what you will--weakness, disorder, PTSD and just can't resist the urge to treat you with disrespect, or worse?

As a teenager I really believed this. Most of the "friends" I had (which were very few) would always single me out as the one to pick on. I couldn't understand why they could be so friendly to others and be down right nasty to me. I felt like I had a sign on my back saying "kick me I don't care".

I think this is part of the reason I keep people at arms length. I fear that if people sense that I am weak (like before) they will pounce on me. I know this is not entirely realistic but I have a hard time overriding this fear.

 

[Abstract]

Standing up for mysel

Willycat,
I was thinking about this recently. It seems to me that those with combat trauma have often had the freeze and flight response knocked out of them and they are often stuck in fight initially. And for many of us who have interpersonal violence trauma the fight has been knocked out of us and we are stuck in freeze or flight. Or fawn according to people like Pete Walker.

Changing what we have been forced into through trauma is darn hard. It is possible though. One of the things that has helped me so much is staying super aware of every single step I take in relationships and life. And forcing myself to be assertive. It took a lot of therapy and hard work but I am so much better than I was.

I sometimes think bullies and abusers have an almost sixth sense when it comes to someone vulnerable. It seems to me that they actually almost literally smell us out. I also think, in direct or indirect ways, there seems to almost be a sense of me being attracted or should I say drawn to them.

 

[circe47]

Great topic. Personally, I think there is something to be said about attracting certain types. Sociopaths are notorious for sensing and exploiting weakness. Maybe not necessarily weakness- but others compassionate and generous natures.

Every single abusive relationship I've been in has been with people who lack empathy and are completely self absorbed in meeting their own needs and desires. Heck- my father had no clue what the definition of empathy was.

I agree with Willy. Where's the culture that is nurturing, kind and loving? Do I have to take E and go to raves every day for the rest of my life in order to find my kind of people?

 

[WillyKat]

One of the things that has helped me so much is staying super aware of every single step I take in relationships and life.

I sometimes think bullies and abusers have an almost sixth sense when it comes to someone vulnerable. It seems to me that they actually almost literally smell us out. I also think, in direct or indirect ways, there seems to almost be a sense of me being attracted or should I say drawn to them.

I've been getting better at that. I'm very careful about who I get close to now. And even with people I like, I'm careful about what I say to them. I've recently told a couple of people about my PTSD, and while I don't think doing so was really a "mistake", I don't think I would do it over again if I had the chance.

PTSD gets into the news every now and then, but only when someone completely cracks, and its always summarized something like: people think they are back in combat. Well, I cannot speak for others, but I've never had a flashback that literally made me think I was back in the loft of that barn; my body and nervous system react as if I was being traumatized again, but there's never a context. (Hmmm...I think that's the subject of a different thread.)