Hi Joel. My husband and I are largely celibate in marriage due to my PTSD and sexual dysfunction. We do not sleep at present in separate rooms, though there have been times I have had to do so (I am the suffer). We are a faith based household but that didn't stop him from self pleasuring for a time with porn or initiating an online conversation with an anonymous woman. On discovery, we both received counseling in our church. There is intimacy in our home now, but not actual intercourse as I am unable to push past the physical discomfort to do so.
As my difficulty has gone on, we are both settled into a period of trying, and then not trying. It is our hope that this part of our marriage will be eventually resolved one day. Candidly, he self pleasures for "release", but use of porn or involvement for sexual purposes by either of us with other people is our boundary for each other. He has come to realize that the dysfunction is a result of sexual assaults and rape... not anything that he has said or done. He was treated for depression for a time but is managed without medications, as am I.
It is not hopeless, it is just taking time as there is no treatment options for sexual dysfunction in my area or I would have been there "yesterday". If you and your partner live in an area where there is assessment for sexual dysfunction, it may be worth the effort. Short of that perhaps it can come up in a joint session (or a few) with her therapist.
The thing that binds us is our vow, and also that in spite of my difficulties, he does love me and I love him. God sanctifies marriage... and into each life there are trials. We try to remind ourselves of that as needed. So far, it is less than stellar, but we have a truce on this issue until a way opens up for me to address it.
