Moving On In Life???

[radicalgratitude]

I have PTSD with dissociation. Some well-meaning people in my life talk about "putting the past behind me" and moving forward. I get that, I can see that they want that for me. But I wonder how long it will be before they grow impatient with me that I am not better yet.

This does not mean that I am pessimistic about my healing journey. I do trauma work daily, I'm in therapy, and I expect to continue to heal. But PTSD is what it is.

Is there anyone here who has been diagnosed with PTSD who has been able to (w/o denial) "move on in life?" How does "moving on" fit in the context of PTSD?

 

[twopenny]

Learning to cope with it?

Working to deal with whatever your initial traumas are, but accepting that at times of stress, or new trauma, you might well experience things or react to them differently than 'normal people', but finding ways to be ok with that and to cope with it??

The above based on hub - for me I have no idea. But I think different things for different people.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think it's about moving on in the sense that your well intentioned but horribly misguided friends mean.

I think they are using the politically correct (ha) way of saying "get over it". Nice, huh?

The best we can do is work on our own healing. If others get impatient and leave, it's their loss. Nobody is perfect. And I suspect that these same people will look around in amazement when they go through tough times and say "where did everybody go?"

 

[rightkindofme]

I talk and write about incest and trauma a lot. I also have gone through college, had a teaching career, and I am currently a workaholic stay at home mom. I do a lot of things. I have to modify my activities because of the PTSD (I can only handle so much socializing in a given week) but I keep doing new things. I am learning gardening. I paint murals. My life doesn't look much like anything it used to look like.

Any reasonable person would think I have "moved on" but that doesn't mean I never think about things. It just means it isn't all I think about. I have met different people and I have very different relationships. I know basically no one I knew during the trauma period of my life.

So yeah. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer have PTSD or that you never think about it again.

 

[cherryblossom]

Is there anyone here who has been diagnosed with PTSD who has been able to (w/o denial) "move on in life?"

Absolutely. I worked incredibly hard in therapy, with a specialist rape therapist, and have without a doubt 'moved on in life'.

PTSD is still there, and I have to 'manage' it daily, which I have learnt how to do over several years. Things like reducing my stress (learning to say 'no' when people put upon me) , looking after myself (eating healthily, getting out in the fresh air, being kind to myself, having a healthy sleep regime), spending time alone, or with others (as needed), etc, etc.

However, putting in a lot of time effort and heart ache into therapy was key. Processing my trauma, was the start. Then learning how to manage PTSD symptoms. There are still times, despite my best efforts, when things become overwhelming, and I have to take a step back, and remember and practice everything I have learnt. There are still things I avoid, at times, but I also try to push myself if the situation is right for me. Although PTSD is a recognised condition, managing it, is a very individual journey, because we are all different, and different things/ situations will trigger our symptoms. However, I said before, it all starts with processing our trauma.

You can read more about processing trauma here.

 

[intothelight]

For myself, moving on in life means that I am more focused on the present and hopeful about the future, rather than having past trauma be the primary filter from which I view the present or future.

In all honesty, the past affects every individual whether they have PTSD or not. As humans, our past experiences and what we take from them become an integral part of "life lessons" and influence our emotions and behaviors to some degree.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Thank you so much, everyone for your responses and encouragement. I will keep these in mind and focus on my own healing and not on other's expectations of my healing.

Thanks for the link, cherry blossom! It was very interesting, because in it someone writes about the Intensive Trauma Therapy program, which I recently completed. They limit it to 2 weeks because the brain can't take more than that of trauma processing at a time (I could see why at the end of the 2nd week!). Due to the number of traumas I've faced in my life we weren't able to get to all of it, but we processed a significant amount. I am using what they taught me daily. I may return for another week or two in the future if I need to process more, but right now I'm seeing what I can do on my own and with a traditional therapist (using ITT's methods). It's an excellent program.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, ir is a process and it takes time. I cringe at the people who tell you to put the past behind you and move on.

Healing is a journey of so many years and it takes along time to get there with a lot of hard work.

I am a new widow of almost 4 months and I think if anyone told me right now to put the past behind me, I would feel like punching them. It can be a real hurtful thing to have people tell you that.

It is a journey and a process and it takes along time to get to a better place. I have people telling me to move on right now and I have a few good days among a lot of bad days. It really sucks to be in the bad days.

I am learning and growing and trying not to beat myself up and go easy on myself. I wish you well on this one. You are the only person who knows what you need and want. Listen to the small, still voice in your head and your heart.

 

[Britt.f7]

My mom use to tell me that she got over things but I never did. However, I could see the things she "got over" still effect her life. I use to absolutely hate her saying that because I felt I was at least dealing with things. She couldn't stop how she felt up until the day she died. I didn't stop being me because she felt the way she did.

I went through intense PTSD/sexual abuse in patient therapy while in my 20's. 20 years ago. For twenty years I was good. Depression now and again. Problems with sex. Overall, I was good. It wasn't until a few months after my mother's death that I collapsed and ended back in inpatient therapy. Definitely a breakdown. I finally have a normal sex life, which I do not take for granted, but other things are messed up. I'm working on those other things.

Your past has effected you and how you behave, but it doesn't have to define you. It takes time to "move on". Doesn't mean you'll forget it.