I Don't Know What It Is Like To Not Be Depressed/dysthymic

[presentjoy]

I say that I have been depressed since I was 8. I don't know if that's an exact age, but it's somewhere around there. For the most part, I just live with Dysthymia. Sometimes it doubles up and I'm clinically depressed. Sometimes I don't even know what is going on, it's just a mash of feeling and dissociation/avoidance, and it's confusing.

Anyway, I just have a hard time talking about it all. I'm tired of feeling this way and I wish it would end.

 

[kahlan]

I've been diagnosed disthymic. Had some really good experience with Paxil until the dosage got upped and I can't handle the side effects. I don't have much to give you aside from I do understand that feeling

 

[franciemarnie]

I was mostly depressed (numb and despair at numbness and empty life) after the age of 19. I noticed over the years that on the few occasions I'd feel angry, it opened up incredible energy and I wouldn't feel depressed for a while. I learned to use that anger. It was one key I used to unlock a richer life. Not hurting anyone, but feeling the anger and sometimes rage over what had happened.

Feeling nothing became unbearable. I don't know if you get angry sometimes and you notice a difference in life energy. For me it was an important find.

I boxed every day for a couple years. The anger came out safely and I felt dynamic. When I felt anger, I began to feel other feelings too - eventually including joy.

I sure hope things change for you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have been depressed for a very long time. The earliest I remember is 10 years old. It wasn't until I was about 22 did I understand how getting depressed many times a year for weeks at a time is not normal. And it wasn't until a bit later I started taking medication for my bipolar disorder.

It was a bit of a wake up call. I started being a bit more active in taking care of my health. I still have problems but they are a bit more controlled these days. I am able to pinpoint around what time of the year I will get depressed. It usually starts around mid October and lasts through the winter. I am grateful for medication so I can have a relatively normal spring and summer with my thoughts and all my mood changes a bit more controlled.

You didn't say in your original post: Have you told a therapist or doctor about this? Do you know if your depression is seasonal or have a idea about when it happens? Take medication?

 

[Britt.f7]

I have had the same issues with depression. Last year I went through a major depressive disorder and I really didn't think that I was going to get out of it. Now, in comparison, it is so "light" that I have a hard time still believing I am depressed. However, I am in therapy, on medication, and worried about the winter as I know it does get worse for me.

I'm in my forties now and can't imagine a time when I didn't have some issue with depression. The only waiver was the intensity. I'm set to realize this will probably remain the rest of my life and I will have to keep dealing with it. Frustrating.

I hope you have a good support system. That makes a difference.

 

[just keep swimming]

You found me, this description is the place where I feel I live and have done for so many years.. The problem I have is imagine the anger is the only resource left, and that very resource I'm afraid of. So I am stuck, nearly hitting the floor and then letting go of the hand that saved me on way up..Again again... Its great...

Therapy please...

 

[TeaLeaf]

I say that I have been depressed since I was 8.

You described feelings I've had for much of my life. I have been depressed since childhood too though I have gotten better over the past few years with lots of therapies, some medication for awhile and also feeling and processing my anger. Just know that it does get better. I am at a low point lately due to experiencing many triggers but it is honestly really mild compared to basically being in a pit of despair most of my life.

I hope you are getting therapy or some sort of treatment, it's possible to feel better.

 

[icare2]

I didn't actually know if I was depressed. my therapist kept asking me, but I had no idea what to say. all I knew is that I felt normal, I felt the way that I had always felt.

turns out I have been chronically depressed since I was a very young child. this depression was the result of abuse and neglect. so I was unable to identify depression because I didn't have anything to compare it to, I had basically always been depressed.

Anyway, they put me on meds, which didn't seem to make a difference at first, but then they increased the dose, and wow what a difference. I can now say for sure that I was depressed because I now know what it feels like to not be depressed. I still do get depressed, but I also am experiencing more and more of not being depressed.

I was very reluctant to start taking meds, I don't really believe in taking a lot of pills and big pharma has a pretty bad reputation. However, I have to say that taking meds has made a world of difference for me. I am really feeling much better compared to when I wasn't taking them. A couple of times I have stopped taking them -- partly just to see what would happen, and I go back to feeling the way that I did before I started taking them, which is not a fun place to be.

they now know that cPTSD causes physical damage/alterations to the brain. taking meds can help with this. But ~your actual mileage may vary~.