Is Simply Still Being Alive The Same As Surviving?

[digger]

Sometimes when my counsellor is trying to help me to stay present or to get back from dissociating or flashback, she reminds me of where I am and that it's a safe place and that I'm not at that other place anymore. That I survived that and that I'm here now.

I'm sure similar stuff must get said in therapy all the time, and I do get what she's saying, but I don't feel like I have actually survived.

 

[heidi]

That's a great question. Do you know anybody who knew you from before? Ask them if you still seem the same to them. I've asked and been told I don't seem all that different (except for my obvious problems) so there is that. In any case ask someone who knew you then. That might at least make you feel better about the continuity.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Surviving is different from thriving. You might not be thriving but you are breathing oxygen and your trauma is no longer happening.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

sur·vive
sərˈvīv/
verb

1. 1.
   continue to live or exist, esp. in spite of danger or hardship.
   
   "against all odds the child survived"
   synonyms:remain alive,live sustain oneself, pull through, get through, hold on/out, make it,keep body and soul together
   • 
     
     
     

 

[digger]

I understand the distinction between thriving and surviving - I don't think that's quite what I mean, but I'm struggling to explain myself properly.

A lot of those definitions are quite subjective aren't they StrongerNow? One person's interpretation of 'getting through' or 'making it' might be quite different to another's? What if body and soul don't feel like they are together but you have still 'remained alive'?

heidi - I think I'm kind of scared of what their answers might be

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

(((Digger1))), I know how you feel. In my opinion, it is important how you feel. And how you feel is valid.

I know when I did not feel like I survived, nothing and no one could make me feel otherwise. There are still moments when I do not feel like I have survived and when I experience flash backs, triggers, anxiety and depressions, I certainly do not feel like I am even alive.

I never thought of it that way. I guess the definitions could be subjective.

When your T uses this word to ground you in the present, does it make you feel unsafe?

 

[digger]

When your T uses this word to ground you in the present, does it make you feel unsafe?

I'm not sure. It's clearly bothering me in some way but I can't quite work out the what or why.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I understand that. Story of my life lol

There is a book called I Can't Get Over It. It is on Amazon. It helped me so much in the early days of my journey.

I did not understand trauma or surviving or any of that. I definitely did not think I qualified and I felt so much guilt about things that happened to me.

I am very introspective, a deep thinker if you will. You seem to be the same?

Well, anyway, I battled and wrestled inside of my head a lot. It felt like I was on a hamster wheel most of the time and getting nowhere.

I am rambling. Your what and why comment just deeply resonated with me.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Have you told your T it bothers you?

 

[digger]

Have you told your T it bothers you?

No, I haven't. I guess I probably should huh? Along with everything else (see previous post about talking (or not!) :-S)

I think I'm just wanting to clarify a bit for myself why I'm reacting to it. I think maybe when she says it, my head is interpreting it as 'You survived = You are fine now', which clearly I'm not and I don't actually think that's what she's meaning by it at all, but when I'm in that state it's hard to rationalise and it's my first instinct/interpretation that carries more weight.

 

[cherryblossom]

"You survived" doesn't mean "You're fine now". It means just that, you survived. Whatever choices you made, you survived. You lived. You are still alive, and that is a big achievement. It might not feel like it. It might feel that you 'just' lived through it, but you didn't, you survived whatever ordeal was thrown at you.

I don't know you, I'm not sure if I've read any other posts from you here on the forum, So I don't know your trauma, but if you have PTSD then you have lived through a traumatic and likely life threatening event. Some people who have gone through similar to you may not have lived - you are alive, that makes you a survivor. The fact that you are in therapy to try to resolve your issues and make your life better - that makes you a fighter. Just the fact that you are seeking help, both here and with a therapist - that makes you a survivor, (and one who is seeking to thrive and move forwards.)

Alive is actively breathing, (with heart beating), surviving is facing a threat to life and being alive at the end of it. Thriving is doing all that you can, when faced with adversity to make your life better than just breathing. You're already surviving, and your trying to thrive.

No, you are not fine. But you are doing everything in your power to be fine. What more could anyone ask of you? Don't let one phrase trip you up. You are doing what you need to do. Therapy is hard enough, try not to beat yourself up over the interpretation of a few words.

 

[rightkindofme]

Well... I always feel like the word "Survivor" carries some kind of implication of staggering out of the jungle with your lone machete and bellowing about how you are the king (or queen) of the forest. I have a hard time identifying with the word. It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable.

Survival often connotes the idea of being "over it" and I'm not. You survived! It's over! Move on! Err... maybe not so much.

I am living. I have moved on in the ways that people think of moving on. I have friends. I got married. I have kids. I broke contact with all the abusive, crazy people. I've been in therapy for going on twenty-nine years. Clearly no matter how much terrible stuff happens to me I will "survive".

But the word bothers me. I get it, digger1.