Biggest Mistake Tdoc Ever Made

[just keep swimming]

Quite true Abstract, more reason why this would never be allowed to happen. Reds thank you for ending this debate, I did write if it was your idea as you say you took out your phone. This is just not what I know to be allowed by a T, if it worked perhaps I could try it myself. I really don't think I will however, nobody is right her., I just felt so concerned for you and this is alien to me that the T went along with it. My very best to you Reds. It would be worth asking her when she did her trauma training and is it up to date.

Goodluck

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Reds, it seems that confronting your abuser became even more traumatic for you due to the teddy bear incident. I don't think your T was wrong to support you in making this difficult call. Perhaps she should have though more (and discussed with you) about how she would help to ground you and soothe you, before the call took place. Maybe then your intense hate of teddy bears would have come up, and could have been avoided, but maybe it wouldn't.

I really hope that you can talk to your therapist, and explain why you threw the bear at her. What's done, is done, you can't go back, but you can definitely move forwards. Perhaps if your weren't having nightmares about the teddy bear, you would be having nightmares about the call. Who knows? But it has been a distressing time, and it all needs to be processed. I hope things go better for you on Monday, and that you still have enough trust in her to talk all this through.

 

[Reds]

@Lucycat we had discussed this over many sessions and me confronting him was something that I had thought off for a long time. I told my t a week before that in the following week I would like to confront him. Before I made the call the t made sure this was something I really wanted to do. So she also made me aware that I do not have to, but I needed to do it for myself. The story is pretty long as to why I needed to confront him, maybe in the future when I am ready I will start a new thread explaining why it was so important for me to confront him.

@just keep swimming thank you for your concern, it really means a lot that there are still caring people like you :)

 

[Reds]

Thank you CherryBlossom, I also hope things go well on Monday. You are also right We could have had a discussion on how she should soothe and ground me after the call.

 

[Lucycat]

@Reds I am not at all surprised by your comments. It hardly sounded like a spur of the moment decision, and clearly you thought it was right for you. Hopefully you still do, and there should be a sense of achievement for having gone through with it.

I think CB has hit the nail on the head with her comments above. Perhaps the Teddy Bear is giving you an outlet for your distress?

 

[cherryblossom]

there should be a sense of achievement for having gone through with it.

Absolutely. That's a hugely important part of what you have been through, something which has been lost through the posts in this thread. Lucy is absolutey right to bring that up. You are incredibly brave for confronting your abuser, and maybe afterwards it didn't go quite to plan, but hey you did it!! You are incredibly brave for doing that, so all respect to you. Well done.

 

[Eleanor]

she didn't actually affect you - her action of giving you a teddy bear to hold affected you. It is the action that affected you not, in this instance, the person performing the action.

Not to be argumentative, but I'd like to tweak this just a bit - Since the teddy bear is a trigger for you (and a powerful one at that) the T's handing you the bear was the occasion of the reaction - not, strictly speaking the cause. The cause was the trauma which is still rattling around in your psyche and is now giving you nightmares. The good news is that this is a perfect opportunity to do some EMDR or other processing as Bloom said.

We don't blame people for honest mistakes made with good intentions. You did exactly right IMHO. And following up about the aftermath is perfectly appropriate. Really, what else are you paying her for?

 

[Reds]

@Eleanor, I am not comfortable with EMDR, we tried it before and I really hated it. She now uses hypnotherapy if necessary and if I agree to it. Maybe I should give EMDR a try again

 

[Lucycat]

I must say if it were me I would be using EMDR on the teddy Bear as a trigger. But I know it does not suit everyone.

For me EMDR has made such a difference. I can't recommend it enough.

 

[The Albatross]

@just keep swimming Actually I have confronted my two main abusers successfully. My father and my ex husband. I have also been face to face with two of my rapists and one person who intended to be my third but was unsuccessful though there was non consensual inappropriate touching. I am working through issues with my untreated mother for here verbal abuse by setting boundaries and am still in relationship with her even though she was a contributor to my own abuse in my childhood home (also a battered woman, it sometimes took the heat off her) and she was neglectful of me.

It wasn't easy. One resulted in a freak out after the face to face, one resulted in lost time, and the third I was at work and I recognized him but he didn't recognize me.

But I actually did confront my two long term abusers. My therapist was not involved or inclined to be involved. I did it myself.

What's your point?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Your therapist made no mistake. It wasn't a bad move on her side.

You have the expectation of mind reading. Time to brush up on those CBT skills!

 

[just keep swimming]

Give it up Albatross, well done for your courage and bravery. This debate was over hours ago. We all have opinions and its o'k to disagree with each other. I am sorry if I offended you with my shock upon reading this thread. If anyone wants to look up the code of conduct in England for BACP you will find that this would not be allowed to happen in a counselling session. I am not saying it has not helped Reds however, its against the code. It also has come to light on other threads that the T had done no grounding work with Reds.This makes it dangerous to let happen without such work being completed first, also even more dangerous to not have established even one of Reds triggers by sound of it. I've clearly upset you albatross, sorry about that. Are you more annoyed that you could be wrong? It's not about being right you know.

I'm afraid Reds also spent several weeks telling her T that this was her intention in her counselling session to make this call and the T did no grounding work to prep her for it, or made it known this this was not o'k.