Understanding Someone With Ptsd

[squirrel]

Hey there. I actually don't have PTSD but I want to better understand someone who does.

I got into drama with someone online. We'd talked before and they'd been nice but suddenly they completely blocked me out just out of nowhere. They ended up telling me why and it was all just a misunderstanding but they lashed out when I tried to explain myself and apologize. They told me to leave them alone and I got upset and did the opposite, desperate to get them to understand my feelings. I should have left them alone, but my feelings were really hurt. I regret doing that now.

They have PTSD and when you argue with them they have a triggered fight or flight response. I feel awful now I triggered it but my anxiety was triggered in their reaction.

Has anyone else experienced or known someone with PTSD who has a fight or flight response to a disagreement? I won't be talking to them again, but I wanted to better understand PTSD. I think their ptsd was part of their reaction.

Edit: No longer posting in this thread. I overreacted to conflict that hurt my feelings and I am letting it go because this thread is making me focus on it to much. Thank you and sorry for all the editing.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I guess my first question would be, how long have you know this person online?

 

[squirrel]

To be honest, a very short time. So I guess it makes sense. But we'd been friendly for a month and they had been very sweet. After awhile though they started ignoring and then lashed oh. :(

 

[franciemarnie]

People respond like that with and without PTSD.

If this person said to leave them alone, I would.

Trauma a is a kind of violence that initiates fight, flight, freeze or collapse. Violence is a kind of force. If someone tries to force themselves on me, I don't appreciate it. It is nice you are trying to understand PTSD, but if a human being - whether they have PTSD or not - says go away, I think that should be respected.

And if you find it's becoming an obsession, I think if it were me, I'd need to look at what is going on with myself.

 

[squirrel]

Thanks for the help. I know you're right, I honestly have a lot of anxiety, but I'm working on it and letting it go.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well one point I'd like to make is that most of what we say isn't said in the actual words but in how we say it. I KNOW the tone of texts from my close friends and family, but outside of that it is next to impossible to understand the true meaning of what someone says to you when you only know them by typewritten text and don't know the person in real life. Honestly I see this as a problem with my generation and younger (the tail end of genX and beyond) as these people came of age either in a time of texting or when they were still young enough to adapt to a texting world while forgoing anything more intimate.

So maybe she wears PTSD glasses and while you thought you were having a normal argument, she interpreted it as a personal attack.

I don't see it as a PTSD issue so much as a you don't know her issue and assume she is correctly interpreting your tone, when she isn't. Not a fault of PTSD. A fault of only knowing someone online.

 

[Nicolette]

Deleted.

A member with a premium membership can edit there posts up to 7 days from posting. A benefit but unfortunate for thread continuity. I hope @squirrel feels better soon as they seem to have deleted most of their posts.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@squirrel doesn't seem to like the truth. Maybe this isn't the best place for him?

It sucks that premium members can delete threads. I bet he upgraded to premium just to delete it all. Weird because we're all anonymous. It sound a bit like paranoia.

 

[Abstract]

I think it's quite poor to delete a first post in a thread when others have answered. I have certainly desperately wanted to before but haven't.

 

[anthony]

I have undone all deletion and edits due to upgrading for manipulative purposes.

 

[squirrel]

Hey guys. I want to make an apology for my reaction. :( I have anxiety and I made the post late at night and I kind of worked myself into an anxiety attack and made a very rash choice. I am very sorry for doing this and upgrading to do this. I apologize for the rashness of this choice and if it upset you guys.

I hope it's okay I edited my first post a little. It doesn't change the overall post to much I just tried to put my thoughts into better wording.

 

[Abstract]

Thank you for the apology.

May I make a suggestion squirrel? I think this might be an opportunity for healing for you in your life. I hope you don't mind but I am going to point a couple of things out and what they often link to.

It doesn't sound as if your friend was aggressive or even angry to start. You only knew her a month over the internet and then she was a bit distant and you reacted to that. She eventually became angry when you repeatedly contacted her after she asked you not to. I understand it is difficult when we want to understand what is happening and haven't received an answer but when people get desperate like that it is usually down a few things.

The most common are when someone has very low self esteem and needs to have others good opinion of them in order for them to feel OK about themselves. When they become unsure or feel uncertain or rejected then the walls start crumbling down. Its worthwhile looking at your family life when you were growing up. Did you always feel responsible for other people and try to make them like you.

It is also worthwhile looking if codependency might be an issue for you as how you describe reacting is quite common for someone with codependency issues. It is when the need for a relationship overwhelms reasoning and balance and even pride. Some people will feel stalked if they have asked someone to leave them alone and then they are repeatedly contacted. Whether they have PTSD or not.

The other thing to look at is why you needed to delete everything. I think that could tie into the same issues. Have you had any counselling for your anxiety problem? It might be worth considering. Healing can create much freedom in our lives.

Nothing in what you posted seems specifically relevant to PTSD to me and many people would react to you like your friend did from what you shared here in the longer explanation written before.