What Do The Concepts Of 'family' Or 'home' Mean To You? Are They Different Because Of Ptsd?

[Tinyflame]

I totally 'get that', @scout86. Thank you. :hug:

 

[Dianna.L.W]

Thanks Junebug. Your input is greatly appreciated. Hhmm, maybe I haven't actually given myself permission to be happy. Though it couldn't be that simple could it? I'm wondering if it is more self preservation responces? Hopefully I'll figure it out. I love them all so much. I just still am feeling disconnected. Disassociated?

 

[bell]

The first time I ever felt "home" was the first time I was in love. He was home, which was so weird and confusing to me at the time. (As such, I handled it pretty badly.) There was no thinking about it, just a realization... he was my home. It wasn't necessarily a feeling of being "completed," just a feeling of being understood and loved, despite my faults and flaws... what, to me, at least, home should be.

It was a feeling unlike no other, one which I hope I can feel again with someone.

 

[DMerish]

When I'm with family, I don't feel alone and I do feel I belong. It's all the plans leading up to getting together and feeling like I'm the last one informed, or informed as an after thought, like others are tossing me crumbs that gets to me.

Dear Drew, if you feel comfortable or loved with them, could it be related to thoughts about yourself? Do you think it's possible they are trying to make it easier for you by handling the details? Or are they by nature even inclined that way, or have done it in the past? Maybe hyper-arousal contributes (to the feeling)?

Well, Junebug, I think you've got some insights into this issue that I don't and it's helping me to see some things. . . . I have to take back some of the words I wrote earlier. That first sentence of mine in the quote above should have been written, thus: "I'm usually comfortable with family, except when I'm with my daughter. However, I'm not always entirely comfortable with family and sometimes feel separate from them." This is more accurate.

My family is not inclined to make things easier for me (attend to details). I have a very independant personality, I'm resourceful, and I'm the one, or used to be the one, that friends and family came to for stability and for answers about how to solve issues/problems. I believe these traits to be part of my essential nature as well as being encouraged in me during my childhood. Likewise, I encouraged independance in my children, although they manage their independance in a more balanced/healthy manner (except my daughter). So, I wouldn't say my family is inclinded to make things easier for me unless I specifically ask them to, which I've begun to do more of because I'm getting older (60).

Since you mentioned it, however, I am beginning to see that my feelings of being alone are definately connected to hyper-arousal. And, yes, it does have something to do with (negative) thoughts about myself . . . primarily from other people's thoughts/opinions that I have adopted, that sort of hang on and interferre with just being myself. A good example of this relates to my job and my boss - I'm almost constantly concerned with whether I'm working at a level that's expected of me, that I'm not and any day I'll be fired, and that my boss doesn't like me. When in reality my boss hasn't done anything towards me to indicate he doesn't like me and all of my semi-annual job reviews describe a person who is an exemplary employee and much appreciated. I really hope I don't get laid off because these reviews help me to see myself as other people see me, in a positive light, and have helped me to begin to disolve the old negative opinions of myself.

Glad you started this thread :)

 

[Dianna.L.W]

Wow DMerish, you have hit on so many true notes of myself I'm stunned. Especially in seeing myself as others see me. That's something that I've never been able to do. Small example. I have a daughter almost 22 and according to what others say she looks practically identical to me. In some of my old pictures I can see it, kind of. When I look at her she is my beautiful perfect angel(though far from perfect, lol) but I see an attractive young woman. However when I look at myself, say in the mirror or something, I see no resemblance. I see only flaw, pain and lingering effects of abuse. Idk. Just a thought. It just sparked something in me when you put it like that. I really appreciate all of you.

 

[Whirlwind]

Yes, I believe it is different for me. I don't believe that I have ever known what family feels like. I thought in my youth that I would create my own family but while friends were made, as I've aged they have come and gone, their has been no permanence to those relationships. Most dissolved not due to any issue but relocation, kids come along, etc.

Lives change. I don't think people can relate what it is like to really be without a family, I'm the anomaly. I never speak of my past, I have contemplated that perhaps I should as relationships develop.

As for home, I have an intense need to have a safe, peaceful place that I call my own.

All of this does make me sad or wistful at times but I have come to accept that family may always be a foreign concept.

Happy New Year to you as well!

 

[Tinyflame]

Odd, I recall today always feeling family was very important to me, that importance was part of what was very much 'me' by my nature. So the word shouldn't be negative. I read too how it's important for everyone. Perhaps that is what is painful. Perhaps even fear of the future, being alive but without any family or person?

 

[DOTI]

My idea of home is something I have searched for physically and metaphorically for as long as I can remember.

I've been homeless, and in foster care, and really needed that place I could call *home*.

For me it means somewhere where I feel safe. Where I can finally let my guard down!

I'm not going to give up looking x

 

[J_trustno1]

Home = prison/cage and family = Wardens, haters, bullies, terrors of your life, biggest threat to your emotional well being and biggest burdens of your life!

By the way, this is the family I am born in and I will create a better family for myself once I leave this hell where there will be no hate, no bullying, put downs, no judging, no jealousy, no discrimination and no biased towards women. Where women n men are equal and a female will have equal freedom of speech to a male. It will be a family full of love and emotions :) n most of Happiness.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @jess_trustno1 make a new definition of a safe, loving family and home. :)

 

[J_trustno1]

@Junebug : thanks. Yes I will :)

 

[Tinyflame]

@jess_trustno1 not sure if this helps but have written down to help me from something I heard "(trust that we can, or will) learn what it means to be a family". Hope it will help you too. :hug: