Emdr Aftermath?

[macca]

I see there was already a thread about this, but it didn't seem to answer my questions.

I had EMDR 3 days ago, for the first time. I don't have a memory, but there is evidence to suggest I experienced CSA at about 3 or 4 years old. For quite a while, my mind wouldn't let me in so to speak, and then I had a massive, long flashback that left me highly dissociated, and she had to tap my hands to bring me back. She "established safety", but I think I had trouble finding a "safe place".

Anyway, she said that I would likely be mildly dissociated the rest of that day, and then have lots of dreams that night that would start like most of my nightmares, but finish "resolved".

However, my experience has been different to that, so I was wondering what other people's experiences have been?

This is how it was for me -
Coming home, only mild dissociation; felt "lighter", like something had released.
That night, a bit of hyperarousal, trouble sleeping, and easily stressed to overflowing. No dreams.
Next day, only mild dissociation. Able to work. No dreams again.
Day after - spent most of the day dissociated, overwhelmed with stress and self-harmed. No dreams.
This morning - could not wake in morning, took a sick day from work, felt pretty bad. Lots of dreams in the morning after ringing in sick, but none of them "resolved" anything, just suggested that there was way more trapped in my head. (eg I had a dream where my face and head were starting to distort and become misshapen because of the pressure of things in my head which were taking physical shape). Highly dissociated much of the day (that was today).

I'm thinking that maybe I have a long way to go. But if there is anything bigger than what was there first time - I'm very afraid. As I said, I have no actual memory. I can't even access the emotions from the flashback from the session, which was the worst I'd ever had by far.

Are these experiences "normal"? I don't see my T until Tuesday, which won't be for EMDR just yet.

 

[Seasounds]

Unexpected emotional fallout is a heap to deal with! Good you have another non-EMDR session at your next visit. Your concern for future EMDR sessions is absolutely understandable!

I had a similar experience. I beginning to believe that getting through EMDR has to do with the clients ability to help themselves re-associate after sessions, since the therapists only have so much time. It also seems that it is hard to predict exactly how each person will react.

I look forward to other responses to your useful question.

Let me know if you would like me to share some 'association exercises' that helped me in EMDR aftermath.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

After my first session I too was taken back to a similar age. Felling of anguish and entrapment, locked away from the world and in so much childhood pain. Stick with it Macca, it does get better and remember to use those grounding tech's.

Massive hugs and you know where we all are if you have a bad session.

hugs laurie

 

[BloomInWinter]

EMDR is a regular cycle for me. Now that I have trust in the process, I'm able to tolerate the distress better, though it still stirs things up.

I have my session, I do ok for a few hours, I go to bed, and have nightmares. Then I wake up tired, am a bit tired and sometimes dissociated and distracted for the next day or several - it used to be longer - until at some point the new information I've learned about myself finally settles and I feel better overall.

It's no fun, but it is definitely worth it. On most days. ;)

 

[Seasounds]

Macca, I'm surprised there aren't more responses. For me, I'd wish that after EMDR was given, I could be in a healing spa for 3 days, where therapies would be available to help me associate: relaxing acupuncture, gentle massage-therapetic touch, reiki, and cranial sacral therapy, saunas, jacuzzis, restorative yoga, nature walks, etc.

I wish the same for you, now. Take care and let us know how you are doing.

 

[Abstract]

Sorry I can't help macca as the only time it was discussed I was deemed too unstable and couldn't even speak in therapy at the time - no trust. Crayons and a sandtray was what I was doing.

You are very brave. How are you feeling about the process? I really relate when you describe a wall by the way.

 

[macca]

@Abstract Well, I'm glad I did it, I think, though I really need to talk it over with my therapist. I feel like there is still stuff unresolved. When I finally dreamed (3 days later) like was supposed to happen that night, I dreamt that a hard chunk of crystal-like substance as big as my fist came out of my ear! Bit gross I know, but I think that seemed to mean I got something out, something big, even though more seems to be stuck.

It's so weird, because during the process I felt like a bit of a fraud, as I couldn't really access anything. It's like my brain insisted on not going there, even to the point where I couldn't get songs out of my head that seemed unrelated, but had lyrics like "cannot bring me down". I couldn't feel anything, and normally would feel fear or distress talking about my flashbacks, but it went to nothing. I just kept hitting a wall. I have read some of what you have said before about how your brain seems to not let you do stuff - I thought of you afterwards actually! She got me to focus on the music, then on the wall, and that seemed to break it down after a bit. However, it's like I experienced all of the intense, horrible emotion of somebody else's experience!! So very weird. I have absolutely no access to it now. My T said she thinks I've "split off" an incident, which can happen when you are very young when you have something traumatic happen. She actually spoke to the "dissociative parts" directly at one point, also not long before she broke through.

It was so intense though, and didn't "resolve" the way she said it would, and I am concerned about that. I want to talk to her before I decide anything - even though it didn't feel like it was "my" experience, the intensity was felt full force, and I have struggled. Dissociation has been very bad, alternating with becoming overwhelmed very quickly. Not as bad today, but it's taken 4 days!

 

[Barconian]

Well done Macca :)

 

[Abstract]

Wow is all I can say. This is just winging it but I can see why you would have such a sense of relief initially. For the first time ever you had some clarity. The split off part of you that has been silenced had a chance to communicate and be heard and you released some of that trauma energy.

Maybe the rest is because of what you say here

I'm thinking that maybe I have a long way to go.

It would make sense that the door has been opened so to speak and there would be a lot of reactions to that. I often feel different parts of my brain want different things too so after the dust settles with things there tends to be a lot of inner conflict.

I love the crystal coming out of your ear analogy by the way.

 

[Seasounds]

Your work is so strong; your descrptions clear. The dream is amazing.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Hi Macca. My first EMDR session left me a mess. I now now call the therapist if I am in distress after a treatment. In my case I did not remember all the traumas. I needed to get more front loading and preparation and stopped EMDR for six months. It was necessarry for the extent and number of traumas. I learned tools, self soothing, breathing and to reach out when I could not handle the aftermath by myself.

I found body memories lingering after processing in one early EMDR session. (Continuous sensations in body parts felt from trauma processing) The trapped energy needs to be released and addressed as soon as EMDR can be done again. That time my therapist got me in for emergency session the next day. It went away during the treatment and I have never had it again.


I am now starting my third year. I find a blend of talk therapy and EMDR are best. You need to be honest with the therapist. Trust is a must. I have improved tons. I am not there yet it is estimated that I will need and additional seven years of therapy. This is a estimation from the therapist. A formulation based on the known severity, length and amount of trauma incidents.

It is a lot of hard work but so far it is worth it . I am glad I stuck with it. Many stop in the beginning. No doubt it can be scary at times but be sure you have a EMDRIA certified therapist. Go to the web site and check out the therapist. If a therapist is qualified they have taken all the courses and done an internship.They will know how to adjust and add what you need for your individualized situation.

Have a hotline or after hours clinic phone number handy. You can call if your therapist can not be reached. Sometimes you only need someone to help ground you. I have used after hours and a hotline several times. Always a good experience! I find taking small amounts of medication for anxiety and sleep has been necessary also. I know none of this will be forever. I hope you to can find the strength, help and healing you need and deserve on your journey to healing.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I dreamt that a hard chunk of crystal-like substance as big as my fist came out of my ear! Bit gross I know, but I think that seemed to mean I got something out, something big, even though more seems to be stuck.

I took had this sort of dream except mine was more a spititual uplifting and feeling that I was able yo stand up straight without crunching down everytime someone walked behind me. I no longer raise my right hand to the back of my head for protection from attack. That first session was mind numbing. The ones that followed just as intense but the first one was like unscrewing a fizzed up bottle and leaving top top off for the pop to settle. Hope that makes sense

hugs