Switch From Psychotherapy To Cbt?

[Abstract]

I could be way off but I do also genuinely wonder if impulsivity adds to this for you. It's only a wild guess so please discard if not useful. I have just seen some similarities in others in the past when this was the case.

Here's a little test to see if it feels relevant. When you post do you take a few minutes and consider what you want to say and put across? When you post the next post (use this thread as an example) do you think about the topic and the direction you are going or do you write what is in your head at that time? It can be very helpful to identify it if it something you tend towards. By making one or two small adjustments in the way you respond to things it can change things for you enormously. There is no way you will think of using skills if you tend to flow from one moment to the next impulsively.

 

[billie]

A book I've been reading is by Sarah Edleman called Change Your Thinking cbt training. I use it as well as my usual psychotherapy and CBT sessions.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Hashi I'm here and reading now. I hadn't been to bed yet when I was posting. I had a session with my T today and I passed out around 2pm today.

I'm not shrugging anything off. I honestly forgot I had asked about this before--hence the reason for my preceding posts where I literally asked, "Why am I asking about this again? Why am I not remembering asking about it before?" That makes it obvious that I forgot. I didn't realize CBT was so important. At that point in my journey back then, I know the way I was feeling, but I didn't know if my feelings were valid.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Hashi I don't think you're harsh. I just honestly didn't know how important this was. I've been navigating a lot on my own and I've been doing so much hard grueling work as it is. I thought that is the way it is supposed to be. I didn't know that those skills meant the difference between me having a life and not having a life. The depression took over. There is more to the story.

I went to a Psychiatrist earlier this year to ask for treatment for the depression and anxiety. I told the lady I had a PTSD diagnosis. Somehow, I ended up on Adderall for ADD and I don't have ADD. I trusted her that she knew what she was talking about and for the first few weeks, I was happy that for the first time in awhile, I was able to have a life again, but I didn't realize that it was because I was constantly in a state of euphoria. This is embarrassing to talk about.

After a couple months of that, it started turning on me and I was on the lowest dose possible. The anxiety became great. It was an awful awful experience. I had literally shelled out $1200 on appointments at that point. I kept on calling her and telling her, please this anxiety is so bad. I'm very glad that I can live again, but I was hyper focusing on reading. Reading all of the time and it was nuts. My brain was going a million miles a minute.

I scheduled another appointment with her and brought the bottle back. I said, I can't take this. This is making me worse. She said to me that she really thinks that I have ADD and that stimulants will be good for me. I was like okay, I get it but it's not worth all of this worsening of my symptoms. She ended up turning me away. My husband thinks it's because she wanted to be a rock doctor and when she realized that I would be a lot more work than she had anticipated, she didn't want to deal with it. She was a private practice Psych in Santa Monica. I decided to take her suggestions because after all, she was a doctor and all I knew is that I was in so much emotional pain.

I just wanted to be out of pain and when she said, "Awww. Well, don't worry. We will get you your life back." I thought, great, finally. I was thrilled.

That was around the same time I started questioning the therapy that I was in and I ran from my T because I was in a state of being frozen, somewhere in my childhood. I was freaking out. After the experience with the Psychiatrist, I literally ran back to my T I was so freaked out by it.

You said, "What do you think about the fact that you don't have any grounding skills? What do you think about the way you and your therapist have been working, given this? What do you think about continuing to work with her? I honestly think you need to stay with this and address it, Before you have a chance to forget it again."

What do I think about it? I think it's horrible. I don't want to not have the skills. I've just never had to have them before the trauma so I didn't understand it was so vital now. I know what I think about the way my T and I work. It's the same thing I thought back then probably. I just got scared because last time I ventured away from her, I had that experience with the Psychiatrist and it was awful. And now I'm terrified to go to anyone else because that happened.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I could be way off but I do also genuinely wonder if impulsivity adds to this for you. It's only a wild guess so please discard if not useful. I have just seen some similarities in others in the past when this was the case.

Here's a little test to see if it feels relevant. When you post do you take a few minutes and consider what you want to say and put across? When you post the next post (use this thread as an example) do you think about the topic and the direction you are going or do you write what is in your head at that time? It can be very helpful to identify it if it something you tend towards. By making one or two small adjustments in the way you respond to things it can change things for you enormously. There is no way you will think of using skills if you tend to flow from one moment to the next impulsively.

You're not way off. I usually do think for awhile when I'm posting something. Then, there are other times where my emotions are going crazy like when I'm stuck in a loop, the anxiety just overwhelms me. I feel just like I did when in the trauma and I go on overdrive, feeling like there's this puzzle that I have to solve, or this battle that I have to win because if I don't keep going, I won't survive. It's like I'm battling him in my own mind only I'm battling myself.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks ladies, really, I really appreciate this. I appreciate both the hard truth of @Hashi and the gentle of @Abstract. Both of you together is a good combination :)

I just had as discussion with my husband. He is around me and sees the pattern more than anyone. We both agreed that I do get distracted. I think it's best if I leave my T for a time and get CBT and maybe a short course of medication treatment along with it to jump start my life. And I literally mean jump start. It feels that I need a multi faceted approach.

For a long time, it was useful to have a soft approach because my ego was so fragile. Now that I've built an ego and all that, it would work better to have a cognitive approach and skills. Because this is ridiculous. I'm a grown woman and I can't continue to live this way.

I'm just tired emotionally right now. I'm tired.

I will use that accountability thread as a tool. Thanks for suggesting that.

I used to know how to do this stuff. I feel as though my experience stripped away the tools I already had in life. They were good. I was a strong and independent woman. I had a life, a FULL life. That all changed.

I feel like a baby now.

 

[Abstract]

if I don't keep going, I won't survive

I think it's really important to stop for a minute when you feel like this. This is when you need grounding skills. Retalin is a stimulant so it makes sense it could backfire.

last time I ventured away from her, I had that experience with the Psychiatrist and it was awful.

It sounds like you where not in therapy at that time though. You went from seeing your t to not seeing a t. A psychiatrist is a totally different kettle of fish.

Here are things I think you need to look at and answer here. There is still confusion for me:
1/ How long have you had therapy for?
2/ Is this the first therapy you have had?
3/ What is her qualification and experience?
4/ After reading the link I gave about what trauma therapy is, do you think this therapist knows about trauma?
5/ What is your plan now? I would write out here what it looks like step by step.
6/ How are you going to keep yourself on track?


I suggest you tie all this up neatly in this thread before you do anything else.

 

[Abstract]

Well done as you are starting to think forwards.

I leave my T for a time and get CBT

There is a lot more you need to consider here. I would recommend you read this whole thread again and really let it sink in.

Don't you think you should be educating yourself more about your options before you make a decision? This again seems a little impulsive to me. Are you planning to go back to your t after as it sounds like it? What are you going to look for in a t? Do you want to make a list here of important considerations?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I think it's really important to stop for a minute when you feel like this.

I just recently became aware of this war going on inside of my head and that my experience was coloring every single thing that I did. Before, I didn't realize it wasn't actually reality playing out in my head.

It sounds like where not in therapy at that time though. You went from seeing your t to not seeing a t. A psychiatrist is a totally different kettle of fish.

Right. At that time, I was looping and stuck. I didn't know that I was looping as I understand it now. All I knew was that I felt stuck and frozen in time somewhere and I was freaking out emotionally so I ran because I was so afraid that I was going to lose control.

Here are things I think you need to look at and answer here. There is still confusion for me:
1/ How long have you had therapy for?
2/ Is this the first therapy you have had?
3/ What is her qualification and experience?
4/ After reading the link I gave about what trauma therapy is, do you think this therapist knows about trauma?
5/ What is your plan now? I would write out here what it looks like step by step.
6/ How are you going to keep yourself on track?

I suggest you tie all this up neatly in this thread before you do anything else.

I agree.

I've been going since May 2011. I escaped from the Sociopath that January 7th. I intuitively knew that I needed to get help after my experience. I knew that if I didn't, I could not sustain life. Also, my experience with him was the first time I had ever wanted to die and that scared the crap out of me. I went once per week for about a month in the beginning. I knew nothing about therapy or any of this Psychology stuff except for the belief I had growing up and watching other people have bad experiences with Psychiatrists, etc. I was told to come once per week, but I didn't know that was actually important to healing. At first I thought they just wanted my money lol so I went whenever I "felt" like it. Yes, it is the first therapy I've ever had.

But I did so much work outside of sessions. I read tons of self help books, attended Al-anon meetings, etc. I was actively trying to get better. I really had no idea what I was in for or what was coming. Then, I enrolled in beauty school. I was going 6 days a week full time. My school experience is a whole other topic, but it was brutal getting through. Somehow I managed to do it, graduate at the top of my class and pass my licensing exam. I'm pretty sure I was dissociated and reliving constantly. I was also going through trying to get a divorce at the time. I was married to the same guy twice due to being married to him prior to witness protection identity change and after. I was going through a lot. I don't know how I got through it all. Actually, I do. It definitely was God.

After reading the link you provided "What Is A Trauma T", no, I do not believe she is a trauma T. See, at the time when I sought help, I was on unemployment and was physically sick. They found lesions on my brain when I was with my ex and there were just a lot of things going on physically. I never got a definitive diagnosis though they were talking about the possibility of early MS (after a battery of tests I had done after some sort of an attack in Maryland 2010). I had gotten laid off of work, lost my health insurance right before I was scheduled to get a spinal tap. I have not followed up with anything since. I have just been managing and I'm completely unsure if a lot of that was stress related. My whole body was freaking out. I could not decipher what was what at the time.

My T was still in school and being supervised when I first went to see her. She just got her Marriage and Family T license in 2013.

My plan now is to get CBT. We are in the process of getting our taxes done and purchasing health insurance before the ACA deadline. How am I going to keep myself on track? I will post in the accountability thread. I don't know what the steps are or what I should be looking for. I will have to search on Google for that information. Obviously, I took a shot in the dark back then and didn't get the right course of treatment lol so I will need to research better this time.

Or, if someone doesn't mind giving me a step by step, I will do it. I am someone who is open to trying anything because I want to be better. I guess that is to my detriment sometime (being so open minded) because not having the right treatment or being distracted by so many options, I get overwhelmed easily and sometimes don't know when to jump ship and when not to. Recently, the depression and anxiety has become really unbearable.

Thank you so much for speaking with me about this. I was so overwhelmed. This makes it easier to digest and break down.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I edited my last post a few times.

 

[Abstract]

1/ What thought process have you used to decide between CBT and DBT here? Did you look them up and do you understand how they differ?
2/ What qualification are you looking for in a t?
3/ What else are you going to look for?
4/ What are you going to do for yourself now?
5/ What is your plan step by step?

May I suggest you answer each thing point by point?

 

[Abstract]

I actually think it is very unethical for a not even qualified family and relationship therapist to diagnose someone with PTSD and not refer them on to someone properly trained and experienced.:mad: