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That "inner Child" Stuff - Is It Real?
- Post starter macca
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D
Deleted member 1860
@Bedbug,
I don't understand what you are asking? If the inner child concept is the best way to become un-stuck? There is no way if knowing ahead of time what is the best therapy for you. Yes, you can read up on therapies and use your knowledge to guide you toward which ones you think will benefit you the most, however you won't know what works for you until you actually try it. Dismissing something you only have an outside knowledge of can actually prevent you from healing if you end up dismissing a powerful healing tool.
I think the key is to stay open-minded and try things for yourself before writing them off. How does it benefit you to dismiss something you've never tried?
I think that a lot of people get stuck in the mindset that there is "A" way to heal and that they'll only use one or a few types of therapy. This is oftentimes quite far from the truth. I've probably tried dozens of different therapies over the years. Some were more helpful than others, but I know that I took something positive away from each of them, even if it isn't the primary way of which I'm healing.
I don't understand what you are asking? If the inner child concept is the best way to become un-stuck? There is no way if knowing ahead of time what is the best therapy for you. Yes, you can read up on therapies and use your knowledge to guide you toward which ones you think will benefit you the most, however you won't know what works for you until you actually try it. Dismissing something you only have an outside knowledge of can actually prevent you from healing if you end up dismissing a powerful healing tool.
I think the key is to stay open-minded and try things for yourself before writing them off. How does it benefit you to dismiss something you've never tried?
I think that a lot of people get stuck in the mindset that there is "A" way to heal and that they'll only use one or a few types of therapy. This is oftentimes quite far from the truth. I've probably tried dozens of different therapies over the years. Some were more helpful than others, but I know that I took something positive away from each of them, even if it isn't the primary way of which I'm healing.
D
Deleted member 1860
@Bedbug,
Please read up more on the concept of the inner child. I feel that discussing something with you that you have little knowledge of will really go nowhere. The inner child concept doesn't prevent healing (in my experience). It allows you to tap into hidden/buried feelings and emotions which can be VERY healing. I say "can" simply because the inner child work I have done has been very healing for me, but I know that it won't necessarily work for everyone.
I know you are currently rejecting the use of a therapist (for whatever reason) and I now see you rejecting therapies as well. I think this is a pattern, and again, I question how this benefits you? It's worrisome to see members (not just you) who put up walls and reject things without giving them a try for themselves.
Please read up more on the concept of the inner child. I feel that discussing something with you that you have little knowledge of will really go nowhere. The inner child concept doesn't prevent healing (in my experience). It allows you to tap into hidden/buried feelings and emotions which can be VERY healing. I say "can" simply because the inner child work I have done has been very healing for me, but I know that it won't necessarily work for everyone.
I know you are currently rejecting the use of a therapist (for whatever reason) and I now see you rejecting therapies as well. I think this is a pattern, and again, I question how this benefits you? It's worrisome to see members (not just you) who put up walls and reject things without giving them a try for themselves.
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
I agree. Your inner child holds your innermost feelings. Even if you couldn't express them at the time. Frozen fear. It's totally worth exploring. For me it unlocks everything. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Instead of crying during flashbacks I'm now visualizing my adult self rescuing me from the horror.
That's a huge step!
@Solara, I have not dismissed or rejected the theory. I am actually finding it very helpful. But I am uncomfortable with certain aspects of it and am open to other approaches as well.
Neither have I dismissed or rejected the idea of going into therapy. It simply isn't the right option for me at the moment.
Neither have I dismissed or rejected the idea of going into therapy. It simply isn't the right option for me at the moment.
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WillyKat
Diamond Member
My copy of Homecoming just arrived a few days ago, but I have not started reading it yet.
I too believe in science, but the idea that if it isn't measurable then it doesn't exist in itself is not scientific. There's another scientific principle that says absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, meaning that being unable to measure something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means you can't (impossible or infeasible) or shouldn't (unethical) measure it.
There are a lot of things about psychology that are difficult to measure, impossible to measure, or perhaps possible but unethical to measure. There are some things we should never study, like how much torture does it take the average person to admit to being a witch. So we have to rely on older if not ancient methods: observation and interpretation. Those results are every bit as scientific as any other science. Police investigators use it all the time and it brings results. We know the Earth is round from making observations and interpreting the evidence. Along the way we develop concepts like "inner child" to mean something. It's just a concept to make discussion easier.
And @arfie is right that laboratory science typically isolates two variables, studies how one correlates with the other, and publishes the results. And then the media misinterprets that to stand for reality. For example, increasing shoe size correlates with IQ; the higher the shoe size, the higher the IQ. Therefore, people with big feet are smarter. It's up to us to look at what's really going on here, and we don't need an experiment to prove it. As people get grow from toddlers to adults, they also score higher on IQ tests. Their feet also get bigger. So when you consider a variable (age) that wasn't included in the study, reality emerges.
The bottom line is if the concept of an "inner child" helps you understand yourself and what your needs are, then use it. If you really don't care for the idea, consider the possibility that you're just not ready to deal with looking at yourself that way. That's OK. You can only be ready when you're ready.
I too believe in science, but the idea that if it isn't measurable then it doesn't exist in itself is not scientific. There's another scientific principle that says absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, meaning that being unable to measure something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means you can't (impossible or infeasible) or shouldn't (unethical) measure it.
There are a lot of things about psychology that are difficult to measure, impossible to measure, or perhaps possible but unethical to measure. There are some things we should never study, like how much torture does it take the average person to admit to being a witch. So we have to rely on older if not ancient methods: observation and interpretation. Those results are every bit as scientific as any other science. Police investigators use it all the time and it brings results. We know the Earth is round from making observations and interpreting the evidence. Along the way we develop concepts like "inner child" to mean something. It's just a concept to make discussion easier.
And @arfie is right that laboratory science typically isolates two variables, studies how one correlates with the other, and publishes the results. And then the media misinterprets that to stand for reality. For example, increasing shoe size correlates with IQ; the higher the shoe size, the higher the IQ. Therefore, people with big feet are smarter. It's up to us to look at what's really going on here, and we don't need an experiment to prove it. As people get grow from toddlers to adults, they also score higher on IQ tests. Their feet also get bigger. So when you consider a variable (age) that wasn't included in the study, reality emerges.
The bottom line is if the concept of an "inner child" helps you understand yourself and what your needs are, then use it. If you really don't care for the idea, consider the possibility that you're just not ready to deal with looking at yourself that way. That's OK. You can only be ready when you're ready.
There was a very interesting discussion on this topic last year:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-concept-of-an-inner-child-not-really-buying-it.32445/
@macca, I'm not posting this as if to suggest that the topic has been done and dusted. On the contrary, I very much hope the discussion starts up again here. However, there were some interesting viewpoints expressed on that thread, some of which came from members who are no longer active on the forum. I hope you don't mind me posting a link to it on your thread.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-concept-of-an-inner-child-not-really-buying-it.32445/
@macca, I'm not posting this as if to suggest that the topic has been done and dusted. On the contrary, I very much hope the discussion starts up again here. However, there were some interesting viewpoints expressed on that thread, some of which came from members who are no longer active on the forum. I hope you don't mind me posting a link to it on your thread.
I have only just read this thread but wanted to write about my own experience.
I have personally benefitted a lot from using the concept of an inner child. For me I see it as a part of myself but that emotionally I was effectively trapped in the place I was in when the traumas were happening. At that point I shut it all down and could not remember the events, but as I would assume most of us with PTSD would agree, the emotions and feelings did not ever go away, and certain things would trigger them all off again.
For me connecting with those emotions and feelings is effectively connecting with my inner child, and the work I have been doing has been building up trust in this places, so that I can come to a place of healing, and finally get to the point where I do not still hate and blame myself so much for what happened.
Rationally as an adult I know that what happened was not my fault, but deep inside myself I still find it so hard and do still hate and blame myself, and a lot of my work has been building up trust so that in those places I can feel that it is actually now safe to feel, even though at the time the only safe way was to blame myself, because there was no other option which I could have lived with the consequences with when it was still going on.
I do not see my inner child as a separate person of whom I have no control, but can see where concerns are coming from about people not taking responsibility for their actions, as I have seen people who have done this but personally do not find it works like that.
Little Helen as I call her is most definitely a part of me, but just feels like a very scared little girl. Those feelings and emotions I know are very real, and the work I have been doing I know has helped me in being able to connect and bring some more safety into the parts where I do still feel so terrified, and it has definitely helped me tremendously with my journey and being able to finally face some of the things in my past, which I never felt safe enough to even allow to have a voice before, despite knowing so well as an adult that it is now safe.
It has definitely been a journey, and one I am still on and I can appreciate that for others it may not be the same journey and way to work through things, but it has definitely helped me release more and more of those emotions which I know were trapped, and is definitely something which still helps me on a day to day level until hopefully I can feel safe enough in all the areas to bring it all together and be fully whole and me with all the bits being able to be real and have their voice and be a part of the me who I most definitely am now.
Helen
I have personally benefitted a lot from using the concept of an inner child. For me I see it as a part of myself but that emotionally I was effectively trapped in the place I was in when the traumas were happening. At that point I shut it all down and could not remember the events, but as I would assume most of us with PTSD would agree, the emotions and feelings did not ever go away, and certain things would trigger them all off again.
For me connecting with those emotions and feelings is effectively connecting with my inner child, and the work I have been doing has been building up trust in this places, so that I can come to a place of healing, and finally get to the point where I do not still hate and blame myself so much for what happened.
Rationally as an adult I know that what happened was not my fault, but deep inside myself I still find it so hard and do still hate and blame myself, and a lot of my work has been building up trust so that in those places I can feel that it is actually now safe to feel, even though at the time the only safe way was to blame myself, because there was no other option which I could have lived with the consequences with when it was still going on.
I do not see my inner child as a separate person of whom I have no control, but can see where concerns are coming from about people not taking responsibility for their actions, as I have seen people who have done this but personally do not find it works like that.
Little Helen as I call her is most definitely a part of me, but just feels like a very scared little girl. Those feelings and emotions I know are very real, and the work I have been doing I know has helped me in being able to connect and bring some more safety into the parts where I do still feel so terrified, and it has definitely helped me tremendously with my journey and being able to finally face some of the things in my past, which I never felt safe enough to even allow to have a voice before, despite knowing so well as an adult that it is now safe.
It has definitely been a journey, and one I am still on and I can appreciate that for others it may not be the same journey and way to work through things, but it has definitely helped me release more and more of those emotions which I know were trapped, and is definitely something which still helps me on a day to day level until hopefully I can feel safe enough in all the areas to bring it all together and be fully whole and me with all the bits being able to be real and have their voice and be a part of the me who I most definitely am now.
Helen
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
I can relate to much of what you said. "Safe" still being problematic. My voice will undoubtly anger my family..I'm exposing their guilt. Crazy is crazy. They tried to kill me once what would stop them from trying again? On the other hand...that's precisely why I'm alive today.
At this point all I truly know is I have to honor my inner child's voice and everything she fought for that day. It's been a long time coming. :)
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- #35
Solara - I missed the point on that one! It should have been obvious. I had such an "ohhh" moment when I read that.
@WillyKat That answer was ridiculously helpful for me, and I appreciate the time and thought you took to explain it as you did.
This is my problem I think. I haven't wanted to go there.
This thread has made me realise that all my intellectualising and wanting more evidence may actually have been a way to avoid again. I'm only just starting to learn how avoidant and fearful I really am. Accessing myself at 3 is terrifying to me, and I seem to do everything I can to not go there. I think I could even get out of my depth right now to try. I'm thinking perhaps I may need some more trauma processing and coping before I'm able to try. I'm not sure at what point I need to push past the fear, or when I need to take it slow. My only session of EMDR ended up with my being unable to access anything for ages, then hitting something big and dissociating badly, and my T said I "regressed" or "reverted" or something for a short time. That's what I'm not sure I could handle on my own.
@Bedbug Thank you for posting the link to the other thread. I haven't read it through yet, but have started to.
Hi macca!
It seems that many people find the concept very useful. A lot find it a way of identifying unmet needs from the past and visualising giving the them of that time what they needed. Others find it a helpful way to develop self acceptance and deal with problems being unable to self care. Another use can be to distance the person from the abuse a little and make it more tolerable.
I suspect there are a few reasons that people may find it difficult or unhelpful. One is if they have baggage around the concept of family or children. Another is I suspect if the person is quite split already in some way. That engaging in a way that could release that split can be frightening. The last could also be the person already has identity difficulties and something that is actively further dividing the character and experiences up can feel disintegrating in a sense. Imagining a certain age can also release a lot of the feelings and experiences around that age and so it makes sense you feel triggered.
A criticism is that there is a fairly large group of professionals that believe that using this method is creating many pseudo DID issues. Taking situations where people have borderline personality tendencies, other issues with identity, or some level of dissociation and splitting and it being increased by actively imagining being divided up.
There is some solid foundation to using your less dominant hand and free writing as a way to access the subconscious more easily by the way.
Most people use the "inner child" terms as concept to access healing and emotions. Others view it literally. More as alters if you wish. On another front Transactional Analysis uses the concept of child, adult and parent to describe modes that we go into when we interact with others. Still us but just relating from a different set of expectations or desires.
Personally, accessing my subconscious in a less controlled way is the very last thing I am going to do. The idea freaks me out completely. Just the words "inner child" distress me. It is one of the terms I listed in the difficult terms thread that Candleflames posted. I feel quite split enough already thank you very much. I do use transactional analyses in a vague way to check where I am coming from in situations.
Different things are useful to different people. I would say think about it a little and then listen to your instincts. Using terms or words that work for you, personally, is also perfectly OK.
It seems that many people find the concept very useful. A lot find it a way of identifying unmet needs from the past and visualising giving the them of that time what they needed. Others find it a helpful way to develop self acceptance and deal with problems being unable to self care. Another use can be to distance the person from the abuse a little and make it more tolerable.
I suspect there are a few reasons that people may find it difficult or unhelpful. One is if they have baggage around the concept of family or children. Another is I suspect if the person is quite split already in some way. That engaging in a way that could release that split can be frightening. The last could also be the person already has identity difficulties and something that is actively further dividing the character and experiences up can feel disintegrating in a sense. Imagining a certain age can also release a lot of the feelings and experiences around that age and so it makes sense you feel triggered.
A criticism is that there is a fairly large group of professionals that believe that using this method is creating many pseudo DID issues. Taking situations where people have borderline personality tendencies, other issues with identity, or some level of dissociation and splitting and it being increased by actively imagining being divided up.
There is some solid foundation to using your less dominant hand and free writing as a way to access the subconscious more easily by the way.
Most people use the "inner child" terms as concept to access healing and emotions. Others view it literally. More as alters if you wish. On another front Transactional Analysis uses the concept of child, adult and parent to describe modes that we go into when we interact with others. Still us but just relating from a different set of expectations or desires.
Personally, accessing my subconscious in a less controlled way is the very last thing I am going to do. The idea freaks me out completely. Just the words "inner child" distress me. It is one of the terms I listed in the difficult terms thread that Candleflames posted. I feel quite split enough already thank you very much. I do use transactional analyses in a vague way to check where I am coming from in situations.
Different things are useful to different people. I would say think about it a little and then listen to your instincts. Using terms or words that work for you, personally, is also perfectly OK.
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