What Is This? Trigger Or Second Trauma?

[joshua_]

I got PTSD in May of 2012 and have learned to live with it and it improved a lot. It became easy to live with, depression was lifting, symptoms were going away. I did feel still feel stuck in the "fight or flight" mode but I only had a few symptoms. I didn't even get flashbacks anymore. Yesterday someone told me their PTSD story and it was very disturbing. I got images of what happened to him and I got very overwhelmed and panicked. I think his trauma latched on to me.

I've been having that funny nervous panicky feeling that I got at the beginning of my first trauma. Someone told me this was a "trigger" but to me it feels like a whole new trauma. And just like my first trauma, this nervous feeling gets worse at night when I feel very alone. I have college and will soon be working and can't handle this right now.

Someone please tell me what this is and what I can do about it. Can I really get traumatized like that just from his story? It's really odd, and it feels like I have PTSD all over again :(

 

[joshua_]

Also, I'm paranoid about hearing scary stories of any kind because I'm afraid it will traumatize me. It's ridiculous and exaggerated. Please help me. I don't feel myself and feel strong dissociation

 

[WillyKat]

That's a good question, one that I've been having about a few things in my life too.

There's no question that once you have PTSD, anything that reminds you of the trauma can trigger a flashback. But is that a new trauma? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. One thing I will say is that you can be feeling really good for a while and then wham!

I'm interested in hearing other responses.

 

[joshua_]

But is that a new trauma? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. One thing I will say is that you can be feeling really good for a while and then wham!

I'm really hoping it's not a new trauma. I think it is though. Every time I think of his trauma with the images I got from it I get too overwhelmed and panicked. Ugh, if only he wasn't so detailed... I broke down in tears earlier. It was the first time I've cried in a long, long time. I still feel unstable and like I could cry any moment, and I just feel so nervous and panicked

 

[Abstract]

I think it depends on his relationship to you, what it was and what was said. It wouldn't be PTSD if this was all new as it wouldn't fit the criteria from what I understand but I do think things can create very similar symptoms sometimes and it seems to me that if we already have wounds then we have a lower tolerance level sometimes.

I suspect this is mostly about your old trauma though. New visuals etc seem to be able to get "stuck" onto old emotions.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm guessing it's the old trauma that's been re triggered. As a new trauma alone, it doesn't meet the criteria for PTSD.

As a side note, this is why people should stick to telling their stories to professionals only.

 

[joshua_]

As a new trauma alone, it doesn't meet the criteria for PTSD.

Are you sure? It's been bothering me less lately but still causing a small general panic/helpless feeling but it's weird because I react to the images of what happened to him as if it actually happened to me. It may be all in my head though. I once read that hearing extremely shocking information (like the death of a loved one) could cause PTSD, and so ever since this issue (like I said in post #2, paranoid about getting PTSD) I'm afraid of hearing scary things because I'm afraid of being traumatized. For example, I was watching videos about PTSD healing on youtube, and I closed the window as soon as they started discussing their trauma story, because I was afraid of it affecting me the way my friend's story affected me. I read in a youtube title, "EFT for strangling" and I thought of someone being traumatized from seeing strangling, and immediately I got images in my mind and panicked, thinking, "oh no, I'm going to get a third trauma." Then I stopped and thought, "ok this is ridiculous. Everyone hears things like this. I won't get traumatized. It's all in my head." Right now, it's still just the story my friend told me that is bothering me. I do know that it gets better with time and that this helpless feeling does not last, but for now it's very difficult to get through the day.

 

[Hashi]

It's the difference between directly witnessing something and hearing about it.

I wouldn't underestimate the fact that hearing about someone else's trauma can be incredibly difficult and can be like lighting a fuse to our own experiences. That is something different from it being traumatising in itself.

I am more concerned about the fact that you feel this might be a new trauma. That suggests to me that your existing trauma is easily activated. Not a judgement, an observation. What makes you feel you have learnt to live with it? How would you rate your ability to ground yourself, contain what comes up and stay stable? To me, the questions around your own trauma experience are much more relevant.

Did you have therapy? How have you processed things? Do you have skills and strategies? Or is it more that you feel you managed to push thing to one side or put them in a box?

 

[joshua_]

I am more concerned about the fact that you feel this might be a new trauma.

I'm glad you understand that, because that is what I'm struggling with as well. It's the feel of it. I'll explain what I mean by "feel of it." In the beginning when I first got PTSD, I had this terrible panic that would not go away. I could not be alone, I was desperate to express my feelings, and felt like a 3 year old that needed his mommy. I just had this scary helpless feeling full of panic and uncertainty. It was a "general panic" if you will. A constant general panic that would make me unable to eat, sleep, and gave me major dissociation. It is one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. This went away with time. It was a slow, gradual process, so I can't exactly pinpoint how long it took. This is the "feel" I'm talking about. I got all of this after being overwhelmed by the story. It was about 10 minutes after I heard his story, after we wrote a poem about it, that I started creating images of it and my whole face felt like it was on fire and I was very overwhelmed. I got this same overwhelmed feeling from my first trauma, though that one was a lot more intense. I got the panicky, helpless feeling after this overwhelming feeling, just as I did from my first trauma. I got panicky and needed social support and had that "general panic" that I did from my first trauma. It felt like PTSD all over again, as if I'm experiencing day one of my first trauma again with no improvements and no time healing. However, all I have to think of that bothers me is the wording he used when he told me his story and the images I created of it. Sometimes it would feel like a flashback when thinking of them, feeling like I just can't handle the thought of it, and there's time like right now where I can think of it without being too overwhelmed. It's strange.

That suggests to me that your existing trauma is easily activated.

Now that I am unsure of. This brings me back to the thread title question, of whether this is a trigger or new trauma. I don't think it's easily activated because I got very used to my existing trauma that I've had for a couple of years. With time and EFT (and maybe exposure as well), I no longer had flashbacks. I'd think of my trauma and get slight adrenaline shooting throughout my legs, but no panic and no "I CANNOT think of this right now" feeling. I just felt used to it, like, "Oh, I've been here before. Nothing new."

What makes you feel you have learnt to live with it?

My last paragraph. I no longer get flashbacks and many of my symptoms disappeared with time. I no longer had panic attacks and nightmares were rare. I was able to think of a future and a career and getting married without feeling dread. I was no longer afraid of the future. I did, however, still feel general anxiety and the inability to cry. Ever since this story trauma thing, I've been back to square one and have been having panic (though not a full on panic attack; I no longer have those ever since mastering some CBT concepts), fear of the future, and a helpless feeling. I do feel better than I did yesterday and the day before (which was when he told me the story), but I know that when night time comes I'm going to panic. That's what happened last night and that's what would happen when I had my first trauma. The panicky, helpless, lonely feelings loves to pop out at night when it starts to get dark.

How would you rate your ability to ground yourself, contain what comes up and stay stable?

Hmm, I don't know what exactly you mean by this question. Are you asking can I stay stable when thinking of my trauma? If so, yes, if you're referring to my original existing trauma. Like I said a couple of paragraphs before, time and EFT (and exposure maybe?) eliminated flashbacks. This story that the friend told me still shocks me sometimes, but right now it's not bothering me as badly as it did the last couple of days.

I think these paragraphs answer all of your questions. Please let me know if there's anymore information you need.

By the way, thank you all for the replies. I was worried people would look at this thread and think, "I have no idea what this guy is talking about. Sucks to be him." and leave.

 

[joshua_]

Good news. I feel better and back to normal PTSD. I think it was a setback, phobia, and trigger all at the same time.