Letter To A "friend"

[Jules0408]

I don't have the balls to say this to the person because I know some how it will get turned onto me, or I'll get a rally of excuses and/or the guilt trip so, better here and out then staying inside.

Dear Friend,

I feel like lately you just don't care about what I have to say anymore. I want to gush about something I learned at school, or experienced at placement and all I ever get is the same old phrases. If you don't care just say something because you have no idea how much it hurts me to be brushed off. Its why I've cancelled every time we plan to hang out, I just refuse to be around someone who doesn't care anymore.

Anytime you have something to say, I listen and give my opinions or a simple that's awesome but, my successes or happy moments get a simple lol or that's cool. You claim to be my best friend and I recall best friends actually give a damn about each other's good moments and such. This is why I pull away from anyone who claims to care about me. After a certain point in time, they just seem to stop caring.

It seems I'm destined to never have even one friend who genuinely cares about me.

Thanks for nothing.

 

[Justmehere]

glad you got it out. BTW, it is a very well written letter and I'm sorry your friend brushes you off like that.

 

[Jules0408]

Thank you. I do feel better that I've gotten it out.

 

[HelenB]

I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I have a friend who does this kind of thing to me a lot. I love her so much and she means so much to me, but very often she will turn around and push me away and accuse me of not caring enough, when I genuinely do love her so much. When she does this it hurts so much, but because she believes so strongly that I cannot care because I haven't said just the right thing in a text or been there exactly when she has felt she needed it.

I can understand that you do feel like this, but really would question of this is you just pushing her away for other reasons than because she does not care, and whether perhaps it is more because you do not believe she can care, even if perhap she does.

My friend also finds that she pushes everyone away and often feels she is destined to have no-one, but I love her so much. When she recognises it it can be so good, but it is so hard when she is again turning away from me.

From the way she has treated me, I genuinely would not still be there if I did not love her so much, and cannot understand why your friend would still be there if they really did not care. You say you have cancelled every time you are supposed to go out, this to me would feel like you do not care about her, and really would urge you to consider the possibility of if she does really care, how much you doing these things would be hurting her, because even if you do feel so strongly that no-one can care, the fact that she is still there even after you appear to have been pushing her away so much does seem to suggest that she does.

As I said I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but as a friend who is currently being pushed away, I know how much it really does hurt when that happens and if your friend really does care as much as I love my friend, I know this will be hurting her so much.

Helen

 

[Barconian]

Thanks for nothing.

That won't work!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it's important to realize that relationships are fluid, as they ebb and flow. It is natural for people to grow apart. The "BFF" (best friends forever) concept is cute but unrealistic for most, and gives us unrealistic expectations of what a friendship should be. If you're telling her something and you get a lol, then you're telling her via text. Some people aren't big texters (you'll get those one word answers) and some don't take texting seriously.

Is this relationship falling apart because you didn't get the right text responses you wanted? If so, I'd seriously re-examine why you're ending this friendship as this person obviously wants to hang out with you, yet you're giving the "I don't care" signals by repeatedly canceling.

 

[Jules0408]

As I said in the first, I feel that whenever I show any excitement towards something in my life I get nothing. But when she has something good, I'll show some emotion.

 

[digger]

Has she always responded in a similar way or is this a new thing? People express things in different ways, some people gush enthusiasm about stuff, others might smile - they might both be equally happy for you they just express differently. If she has always been this way I'd say maybe that's just the way she is? If it's changed recently, maybe she has some shit going on she hasn't been able to share with you yet, or maybe you cancelling on her so often is making her think you don't like her any more or aren't there for her.

I'm not saying any of this is the actual case, but maybe ask her if she feels the distance growing between the two of you too.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Reminded of something my therapist wrote to me in an email: "Friends and family are "a bucket with a hole in it" and need to be replenished."

Not sure if that helps at all. Best wishes.

 

[Jules0408]

Thanks everyone for the comments. :)