Justmehere
Sponsor
My therapist uses somatic experiencing along with other styles of therapy to work with the trauma. I really want to do the somatic experiencing therapy… eh, scratch that. I really want to heal, and intellectually, I really want to give the somatic experience a try.
She has been working to build me up to it, a little bit… but every time I get to the point where my body sensations are noticeable, when she can see that I am breathing a little faster or that I am slighting shivering, I automatically fidget and I distract my thoughts from what I am feeling and think about anything other than what we were working on.
Last time, just when I started breathing little faster, I wriggled in my chair and I started thinking about the plant that is in her office and wanted to ask her what kind of plant it was. Sigh. In order for the process to work for me, I have to be a little more stull, and just let my body feel bad.
My therapist knows that I am scared of the sensations… She has a video of a volunteer going through a somatic experiencing session. She suggested I watched the video. I told her I watched the video before I went in to see her the first time, and it freaked me out a little but I didn’t know why. She suggested maybe it would be helpful to see someone feeling the sensations and going through the experience and feeling better. My therapist thinks I am ready, really ready...
I just watched the video again and now I know what is freaking me out.
I am scared to let go of voluntary control of my body (by sitting still, instead of choosing to fidget) and let my body feel stuff (like panic), especially with someone else in the room… This is a huge thing for me. It seems like it would be healing just to experience feeling that bad and having my therapist be ok and safe. But I am too scared to let go.
Is this weird? How do I get past this? How do people do this therapy?
She has been working to build me up to it, a little bit… but every time I get to the point where my body sensations are noticeable, when she can see that I am breathing a little faster or that I am slighting shivering, I automatically fidget and I distract my thoughts from what I am feeling and think about anything other than what we were working on.
Last time, just when I started breathing little faster, I wriggled in my chair and I started thinking about the plant that is in her office and wanted to ask her what kind of plant it was. Sigh. In order for the process to work for me, I have to be a little more stull, and just let my body feel bad.
My therapist knows that I am scared of the sensations… She has a video of a volunteer going through a somatic experiencing session. She suggested I watched the video. I told her I watched the video before I went in to see her the first time, and it freaked me out a little but I didn’t know why. She suggested maybe it would be helpful to see someone feeling the sensations and going through the experience and feeling better. My therapist thinks I am ready, really ready...
I just watched the video again and now I know what is freaking me out.
I am scared to let go of voluntary control of my body (by sitting still, instead of choosing to fidget) and let my body feel stuff (like panic), especially with someone else in the room… This is a huge thing for me. It seems like it would be healing just to experience feeling that bad and having my therapist be ok and safe. But I am too scared to let go.
Is this weird? How do I get past this? How do people do this therapy?
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