I wanted to start a new thread that is an offshoot of this one: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/attachment-in-therapy-another-thread.40000/page-3#post-651098 because I'd like to know how others fulfill their longing for touch... I just read the article that Pencil (I think) posted and it blew me away.
I feel deeply ashamed of my craving for touch. I had a REALLY hard time letting people touch me (even though I did because that's what you do when you date, etc.) until I took an acting class in college and part of it was giving each other massages as part of the warmups. Somehow this ended up feeling very safe, I think because there were no expectations of me). Something shifted in me over a period of weeks and I discovered that safe touch (a complicated notion, I know) is a driving and essential need I have. It has sent me into lots of relationships in which I was seeking comfort more that romance, and I abandoned most of them. I have been married for many years now, but this disconnect is a pretty major issue in our relationship.
I did not know that there was any kind of psychotherapy that allows for the kind of touch/holding this article describes. I have never expressed this intense need to anybody because I am so ashamed of it. I don't know if it comes from the fact that I was in an orphanage for two months right after being born, or because my parents were emotionally neglectful of me, or both (probably).
When I have to visualize a place of feeling safe, it is always being held gently in the arms of some safe person (usually a man). I never get this. I do get hugs from a friend, and my therapist hugs me at the end of our sessions. But it isn't enough.
I know that many people with backgrounds like ours have issues with being touched, especially by a therapist. Maybe I am weird in my compelling need? But this article seems to suggest otherwise.
Does anyone else share this longing? How do you fill it? Is there some type of therapy out there that encourages therapists to do what the article says? (Here's an excerpt: The experience of being physically held, therapeutically, in a close and intimate way on a regular basis, can give rise to the young part of a client experiencing and feeling an embodiment of being held, perhaps for the first time. A foundation is laid, there is some sense of self, a mirroring of love and acceptance. If the therapist is in touch and completely present to the experiencing of the client then he feels what the client feels, getting to experience bodily also what it is like for the client. Empathy is increased but also the therapist’s understanding of what the experience is like for the client is heightened. It’s a way of communication – a profound way. The work is deep, body-mind healing.) The link won't repost, but it's called: The Place of Touch in Counselling and Psychotherapy and the Potential for Healing within the Therapeutic Relationship by Joanne McGuirk.
I feel deeply ashamed of my craving for touch. I had a REALLY hard time letting people touch me (even though I did because that's what you do when you date, etc.) until I took an acting class in college and part of it was giving each other massages as part of the warmups. Somehow this ended up feeling very safe, I think because there were no expectations of me). Something shifted in me over a period of weeks and I discovered that safe touch (a complicated notion, I know) is a driving and essential need I have. It has sent me into lots of relationships in which I was seeking comfort more that romance, and I abandoned most of them. I have been married for many years now, but this disconnect is a pretty major issue in our relationship.
I did not know that there was any kind of psychotherapy that allows for the kind of touch/holding this article describes. I have never expressed this intense need to anybody because I am so ashamed of it. I don't know if it comes from the fact that I was in an orphanage for two months right after being born, or because my parents were emotionally neglectful of me, or both (probably).
When I have to visualize a place of feeling safe, it is always being held gently in the arms of some safe person (usually a man). I never get this. I do get hugs from a friend, and my therapist hugs me at the end of our sessions. But it isn't enough.
I know that many people with backgrounds like ours have issues with being touched, especially by a therapist. Maybe I am weird in my compelling need? But this article seems to suggest otherwise.
Does anyone else share this longing? How do you fill it? Is there some type of therapy out there that encourages therapists to do what the article says? (Here's an excerpt: The experience of being physically held, therapeutically, in a close and intimate way on a regular basis, can give rise to the young part of a client experiencing and feeling an embodiment of being held, perhaps for the first time. A foundation is laid, there is some sense of self, a mirroring of love and acceptance. If the therapist is in touch and completely present to the experiencing of the client then he feels what the client feels, getting to experience bodily also what it is like for the client. Empathy is increased but also the therapist’s understanding of what the experience is like for the client is heightened. It’s a way of communication – a profound way. The work is deep, body-mind healing.) The link won't repost, but it's called: The Place of Touch in Counselling and Psychotherapy and the Potential for Healing within the Therapeutic Relationship by Joanne McGuirk.
