D
Dendrite
Hi all,
I've been a member here for a month or so now and wanted to share some of my story (not any of the major details) and some of the approaches to healing that I am using.
Just as a brief background; myself, my brother and a number of children in my street in the 1960s experienced severe and prolonged child abuse, both physical and sexual. My parents, and certain babysitters all abused me (and numerous other children) at different times. For me, this resulted in a cardiac arrest at age four, when one of my abusers was cornered in the house, where I was being baby sat. He ended his life before the police could arrest him. This is just a fraction of what I endured as a boy from age 0 to about 10 but I think it gives you a general idea of the extent of my abuse. My parents and brother are now deceased and I have not been in touch with my sisters for many years - for good reasons. It would take too long to explain here.
Whilst I suffer like anyone with PTSD, I do not define myself by this description. My therapist (have been seeing him once every six weeks or so, since 1998) and I don't even call it PTSD but PTSC, a Post Traumatic Stress Condition, as he has often said that there is nothing disordered about the wonderful way my brain has organized the traumatic stories of my childhood, to cope with such pain. Of course, I do have PTSD and officially it is recognised that way but I never see myself as having a disorder. I am an ordinary human being, that was subjected to extraordinary cruelty, and simply responded the best way I could, in the circumstances that were given to me. Labelling isn't always helpful and I choose carefully how I describe myself and my life's story. Sometimes I use the term PTSD, sometimes I don't.
Here are some of the things I do, to help me live a life that is not defined by my trauma experiences. I will likely never fully escape the trauma stories in my life but its been very evident in the last fifteen years or so, that there are many other stories that I have that are not related to trauma. The voice of abuse wants me to think I only have trauma stories but that's really not the case. The neuroplasticity of the brain is a marvellous thing and we can teach it (and re-teach it) to see broader horizons and experience beautiful things, not just trauma states.
1/ Exercise: I walk around our town for about seven hours a week, jog on the spot at home (whilst watching YouTube etc) for about seven hours a week and also play tennis once or twice a week. I do weight training a few times a week. This helps me with sleep and my general well being.
2/ Diet: I am very careful with what I eat and drink. My main diet is fresh fruit and vegetables, lower GI Carbs, with some lean meat and the occasional bit of junk food. I am pretty strict though with junk food as I have found over the years, it doesn't help me feel better.
3/ Meditation: I do anything from half an hour to two hours a day. The two forms I employ are Tonglen and Phowa, based around compassionate mindfullness. Meditation helps me calm and soothe myself and also get my mind away from being too self focused, so I am able to attend to the needs of those around me.
4/ Facial and body massage: I do this most days too. At night is a particularly good time to do it, for relaxation and self soothing. Rufus May (He's on YouTube) has a great face massage video and also brain exercise videos too. Actually, my wife says that he and I are somewhat similar. :)
5/ Sleep discipline: I typically get into bed before 9:30pm and do some mindfulness and massage. I usually wake up around 5am or so and do meditation and listen to the birds singing outside. I generally get out of bed by 6:30am.
6/ Music: I listen to classical a lot these days but also like folk, rock etc. I also sing on most days, as a form of self soothing.
7/ I very much believe in the plasticity of the brain and its marvellous ability to heal and grow, even in middle age (I'm 48). I'm not living in fairly land and recognise I still have my struggles, which are notable. I still suffer from panic experiences (I don't like the word attack, so much), anxiety, sleep issues (although its notably better now), and agitation etc. The difference is these days, I much less often define myself by these emotions and body states. I am much more than these experiences.
Anyway, this is just a very short little story and doesn't in anyway include all of my story. Hopefully in some way, it may help others. Its not the right way to live, its just a way that I've carefully developed over decades that helps me.
I have a saying/sentiment that I repeat each day, 'What can I do today that helps me feel better?' Its simple in theory but not always easy in practice. Its something I am working on each day.
Its up to me to change and heal my life. Others can assist me in this but ultimately, I have to employ the energy it takes, to bring about change and happiness.
Blessings to you all,
Dendrite xo
I've been a member here for a month or so now and wanted to share some of my story (not any of the major details) and some of the approaches to healing that I am using.
Just as a brief background; myself, my brother and a number of children in my street in the 1960s experienced severe and prolonged child abuse, both physical and sexual. My parents, and certain babysitters all abused me (and numerous other children) at different times. For me, this resulted in a cardiac arrest at age four, when one of my abusers was cornered in the house, where I was being baby sat. He ended his life before the police could arrest him. This is just a fraction of what I endured as a boy from age 0 to about 10 but I think it gives you a general idea of the extent of my abuse. My parents and brother are now deceased and I have not been in touch with my sisters for many years - for good reasons. It would take too long to explain here.
Whilst I suffer like anyone with PTSD, I do not define myself by this description. My therapist (have been seeing him once every six weeks or so, since 1998) and I don't even call it PTSD but PTSC, a Post Traumatic Stress Condition, as he has often said that there is nothing disordered about the wonderful way my brain has organized the traumatic stories of my childhood, to cope with such pain. Of course, I do have PTSD and officially it is recognised that way but I never see myself as having a disorder. I am an ordinary human being, that was subjected to extraordinary cruelty, and simply responded the best way I could, in the circumstances that were given to me. Labelling isn't always helpful and I choose carefully how I describe myself and my life's story. Sometimes I use the term PTSD, sometimes I don't.
Here are some of the things I do, to help me live a life that is not defined by my trauma experiences. I will likely never fully escape the trauma stories in my life but its been very evident in the last fifteen years or so, that there are many other stories that I have that are not related to trauma. The voice of abuse wants me to think I only have trauma stories but that's really not the case. The neuroplasticity of the brain is a marvellous thing and we can teach it (and re-teach it) to see broader horizons and experience beautiful things, not just trauma states.
1/ Exercise: I walk around our town for about seven hours a week, jog on the spot at home (whilst watching YouTube etc) for about seven hours a week and also play tennis once or twice a week. I do weight training a few times a week. This helps me with sleep and my general well being.
2/ Diet: I am very careful with what I eat and drink. My main diet is fresh fruit and vegetables, lower GI Carbs, with some lean meat and the occasional bit of junk food. I am pretty strict though with junk food as I have found over the years, it doesn't help me feel better.
3/ Meditation: I do anything from half an hour to two hours a day. The two forms I employ are Tonglen and Phowa, based around compassionate mindfullness. Meditation helps me calm and soothe myself and also get my mind away from being too self focused, so I am able to attend to the needs of those around me.
4/ Facial and body massage: I do this most days too. At night is a particularly good time to do it, for relaxation and self soothing. Rufus May (He's on YouTube) has a great face massage video and also brain exercise videos too. Actually, my wife says that he and I are somewhat similar. :)
5/ Sleep discipline: I typically get into bed before 9:30pm and do some mindfulness and massage. I usually wake up around 5am or so and do meditation and listen to the birds singing outside. I generally get out of bed by 6:30am.
6/ Music: I listen to classical a lot these days but also like folk, rock etc. I also sing on most days, as a form of self soothing.
7/ I very much believe in the plasticity of the brain and its marvellous ability to heal and grow, even in middle age (I'm 48). I'm not living in fairly land and recognise I still have my struggles, which are notable. I still suffer from panic experiences (I don't like the word attack, so much), anxiety, sleep issues (although its notably better now), and agitation etc. The difference is these days, I much less often define myself by these emotions and body states. I am much more than these experiences.
Anyway, this is just a very short little story and doesn't in anyway include all of my story. Hopefully in some way, it may help others. Its not the right way to live, its just a way that I've carefully developed over decades that helps me.
I have a saying/sentiment that I repeat each day, 'What can I do today that helps me feel better?' Its simple in theory but not always easy in practice. Its something I am working on each day.
Its up to me to change and heal my life. Others can assist me in this but ultimately, I have to employ the energy it takes, to bring about change and happiness.
Blessings to you all,
Dendrite xo
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