Am I Too Dependent On My Therapist?

[TimeToHeal]

Hi All....

I'm a little nervous to post about this, but it's been weighing on my mind so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I've been seeing my therapist -- a trauma specialist -- for about 5 months now and we've just started EMDR. The more I see her, the more I feel like I NEED her. It's like, as soon as I leave a session, I can't wait until it's time for my next one.

Recently I've been seeing her twice a week. I email her in between sessions -- which she says is fine -- but it is sometimes daily, and I feel like I'm being a burden or something.

I've seen soooo many therapists over the years, but she is the first actual trauma specialist. In fact, it was only a few years ago (during a stint in an outpatient treatment program), that my years and years of symptoms and behaviors were all finally summed up correctly and I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I'm wondering if my dependency/attachment to her is normal and if anyone else feels the same way?!?

Thank you for reading, and any and all comments/responses are welcomed!! :)

 

[Changing4Best]

I'd say that since this is the first time you are with a trauma therapist, the first therapist since your true diagnosis, it would be expected that you feel this way. Don't worry about being a burden, I would think that your therapist will be pleased that you are so open and in touch with her.

When I was first diagnosed, I saw my therapist often. She would even come to where I lived to get a better picture of my situation. I was with her for 5 years when she moved on to another practice and type of patient, so I could not see her any longer. It was a tough time in my life, but my new therapist got me through it OK.

I'm glad you are doing well in therapy, keep up the good work!

 

[PureDogs]

@TimeToHeal

In my opinion - I felt that Therapist is a safest place to go.

In my case, I got betrayed from someone who is sufferer of PTSD and I thought the person actually understood me, being very supportive, etc but at end: Betrayal. The trust has been destroyed and made it harder on me to feel like I'm only one here.

To me - I feel that therapist is a safe place for me to open my confident toward my T unfortunately, Not 100% because of I'm too scare of the reactions or what will happen next.

Am I dependent toward my T? No I am not and I tend to hold lot of things inside me until next session. Yes, I know it is bad thing and isn't going get me anywhere. It is simple because I have difficult to trust and Do I have trust issues? Yes. If someone wants my trust, the trust has to be earn by its action than words itself. (Actions speaks louder than words)

 

[Changing4Best]

@TimeToHeal Am I dependent toward my T? No I am not and I tend to hold lot of things inside me until next session. Yes, I know it is bad thing and isn't going get me anywhere. It is simple because I have difficult to trust and Do I have trust issues? Yes. If someone wants my trust, the trust has to be earn by its action than words itself. (Actions speaks louder than words)

Try divulging one thing that you don't feel like sharing with your T. Then see if trust is honored. If so, try another thing and so on....

 

[PureDogs]

@SheilaKathy

Thank you for your suggestion. I know it won't be easy to do but your suggestion seems to give me some "open door" to hope. :-)

 

[TimeToHeal]

Thank you both for replying!

I guess it's just really nice -- although a little foreign -- to have someone actually "get" me.....FINALLY!!!! Someone who understands, and is validating, etc, etc...

Maybe it just feels weird (and a bit scary) to feel dependent on someone. I've always tried to not NEED anyone....because after all, those are the people who can (and have) hurt us the most.

I often read and reread her emails when I'm in a bad place. We also did "reality cards," in preparation for starting EMDR, and I asked her to write them for me! They seem more real/believable in her handwriting...as if she's telling me these things...than if they were in my own handwriting and I was saying them to myself. Ugh....Kind of embarrassing to admit all that to anyone!

 

[Changing4Best]

I understand perfectly, so don't feel embarrassed at all!

 

[TimeToHeal]

Thank you @SheilaKathy!

 

[PureDogs]

@TimeToHeal

I'm glad you discover that you were not only one.

My desires to find someone that I can make friend, understands well and ability to support, etc. It's hard nowadays :-(

My friend reminds me it is not about me but about them so it take time to find right kind friend.

 

[It's all my fault]

I can relate to your feelings. My therapist is away for 9 days. I have been seeing her for 7 months, twice a week so this lapse should be interesting. She is versed in many aspects of trauma....SE, EMDR, IFS.

She knows I'm apprehensive and she told me I could call her and I have her cell number. I have been in and out of the hospital so many times I've lost count over this last 3 years. I finally switched therapists to try to get to the bottom of all of this as I believe childhood physical, sexual and emotional abuse was prevalent.

I think The first 5 months with her just trying to not dissociate even just sitting on her couch caused me to loose my head. EMDR freaked me out, even her sitting next to me was threatening. I told her her talking was like getting stabbed with knives! She asked me what did she say that bothered me? I told her the word "the" Poor thing!

Anyway, she could not have been more patient and empathetic. I don't know how she did it! We had a hard, tough session yesterday...very difficult for me. It is NOT fun this therapy stuff. So I leave there after being "tortured" and wonder how I can possibly wait 9 days until I can see her again and repeat the process!

Today I have fought back self harm urges all day and just want to stay in bed. This is stupid.

 

[PureDogs]

@It's all my fault

If you don't mind me asking, how does EMDR works and what benefits for you? If you wish not to share, I'll understand.

I'm kind of curious about it.

 

[bluedressinggown]

Errr yes I completely understand... understatment in fact. I have only seen therapist 6 times and yet I feel really attached. Look forward to the next one- in a wierd sense, I obsess about it for the whole week, but don't think I'm excited if you get me? Sessions are pretty traumatic- so I don't enjoy them, but I feel a great need for them. My therapist cancelled on me within about an hour last week (for genuine reasons) and I was absolutely gutted. That just freaks me out. I don't want to be dependent on him forever!!

So yes, in short, I get you completely.