Do Any Of You Have Black And White Thinking?

[Al_Lurker]

May I ask a question of those of you who have replied that you DO have this kind of black/white thinking? Does your view change once it's established? Has therapy helped you to see more gray? In other words if you meet someone and you don't like them can they do enough to have you decide you do like them? Or if you like them and then decide you don't will you ever like them again? I realize this is probably very hypothetical but when I form an opinion of something I usually use a process similar to a balance scale... what are the pros vs the cons and on which side does the needle point. It's not always pinned in one direction or the other.

 

[anthony]

I was black and white, just like nearly all those diagnosed with PTSD... and I learned to implement grey. It is a skill that you can learn, and is easy enough with practice, that it just becomes part of you again.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Al_Lurker : I find it difficult let a person into my life again once the trust is broken, it is like attachment and detachment issue. It mainly depends on how badly they have hurt me emotionally. Now back to your question, I do have personality clashes with some people, I try being friendly and formal to them but if I don't like them, I just don't like them. I treat them like other humans and be nice to them but that doesn't mean I do like them tbh. Now if I liked them and then decided I don't like them, that is a hard one,, as I have mentioned it is always related to how they've hurt me. I have problems with relationships in general. It is how well the person has established their trust. I may still have feeling for that person but I have higher self-pride (that's what has kept me going far in life till today) and self-respect that I will not give that person another chance to hurt me again. I will learn from their intentions and make a decision but will still be hurt inside and wishing it had never happened.

 

[Al_Lurker]

Thank you @jess_trustno1 it seems that you've just explained to me what I've been trying to figure out for three months. She trusted me absolutely for almost 4 years. When I acted badly the first time because I lacked an understanding of PTSD (and my own less serious issues) the trust was just gone. Just like that. She has said that I hurt her more than she'd ever have thought possible so I'm guessing she will take the route you've described as self respect and never give me the chance to hurt her again in spite of much evidence to the contrary and that I would never do it intentionally. I thank you for your perspective as it 'feels' that it's spot on.

 

[Chincho]

I was black and white, just like nearly all those diagnosed with PTSD...

I was this way too. Now I'm mostly able to handle grey, but some days it's harder than others.

Sometimes I have to make an effort to go further than black and white.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Chincho : how do you actually think in grey. Can you give me a situation and example of being in a grey shade?

 

[J_trustno1]

@Al_Lurker : your welcome. Things are always difficult to distinguish with depression and ptsd. I think most of us choose an easier approach than self-harming. It is all emotional route. I always try the pros and cons. I do have a biased when choosing pros because I value that self-pride way at the top of my list and I believe some weren't agree with me here. But that is who I am. It does take time to cool down though but building trust takes forever. Trust between me my mum was broken about 5 months ago. It took me like more than 3 months to trust her again but I still at times doubt her. I know she loves me but sometimes my emotions are too strong.

 

[Chincho]

@Chincho : Can you give me a situation and example of being in a grey shade?

It happened to me this morning. I posted in Facebook a funny image about our president visiting Pope Francis yesterday (I'm from Argentina), and a friend from church wrote a long comment about how I was disrespecting the Pope.

I was instantly enraged, ready to block her forever for being an intolerant person, and for having posted that I had done something wrong. How dared she challenge what I'd posted?

Obviously my post was right and she was wrong.

Instead of reacting, I waited a few minutes, took a few deep breaths, and tried to see things from her side knowing that she is not very open minded.

I was finally able to understand that she wasn't attacking me and she's not a bad person. So I wrote a comment stating my point of view and apologizing for offending her.

She's not a bad person and I'm not absolutely good. I could have chosen the black and white path and lost a friend over a joke.

@jess_trustno1 : I hope this helps.

 

[J_trustno1]

Wow, that is a very good approach. I have reacted very fast to such situations and did delete some people over this. But then again those people said things to me about my character and judging me. I need to distance myself from such people. Thus I deleted them from facebook.

 

[Al_Lurker]

@jess_trustno1 I won't say you were wrong because there are many, many people in this world who are judgmental and self centered. To attack another without basis deserves the treatment you've given them. What I would ask is do you actually think about their 'track record' before you finalize throwing them out? Does how they've treated you to that point have any bearing? Could they merely have said something that was meant only as constructve criticism and not an attack or judgment? That's part of what I think if as gray... Considering who and what the person is in total and not just on single instant. All people are imperfect and all make mistakes. Most don't care if they offend but many will do their utmost to make amends if you tell them they've hurt you and help them understand why. It's the ones that won't do that that you need to get rid of and keep the ones that will.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Al_Lurker : Hmm,, well it is to do with wrong comments. For example if someone in a joke called me something offensive (i hope you understand what I mean,, something you never say to a female), then I have no tolerance for that. I respect myself. Or if they have made fun of my emotions then again no tolerance. But some mild jokes or something they think might be wrong that i am doing, at first i do feel they might be wrong but I try not reacting but i do get angry at criticism. I will distract myself from that environment and will try thinking through if what that person said was right or wrong. I will go with my gut feeling after weighing the pros and cons.

 

[anthony]

To put it the simplest way possible, having grey within your thought spectrum simply means weighing both black and white, and looking further at other possibilities that exist. It is rare that two choices are present in life... everything else is the grey in decision making.

You could be asked, did you like reading that book? Yes or No?

You could have loved it (yes) or hated it (no), yet you may have also loved pieces of it, but disliked other aspects (grey).

There were always three options in answering the question, instead of the two you may think of, or be given.