Here It Goes With The "tough Love" Advice Again...

[FindingMyself88]

ughhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just want to scream right now, but it would only make my splitting headache come back again! Just when I think I am getting somewhere and becoming comfortable in my faith again, someone has to give me the "tough love" advice.

Since my suicide attempt, I've been trying to get back into church and just focus on getting to know God again, nothing radical or extreme. In the past people I looked up to basically told me I should just give all my problems to jesus, keep pushing through the pain and just keep going. If I showed I was hurting or became depressed, it was looked as a lack of faith. So because I'm a people pleaser, I would just put on a mask and act like I was okay. It took my eyes off God and onto people.

At my new church the pastors have been very understanding and non judgmental. They know about my suicide attempt. I've slowly been getting involved again with small groups. I am in two, one is like a bible study and one is a worship night small group. 2 girls are in both with me, and I told one group about my suicide attempt so they know. One said girl was abused in her past too, but I don't know to what extent.

Long story short, I missed church today. Due to anxiety and not being able to sleep, I've had a severe headache all day, to the point I haven't been able to eat. I had a head injury this past summer that put me in the hospital, so when I say severe headaches, I mean SEVERE. I cracked my skull and had fluid build up in my skull…occasionally the fluid will build slightly again. I am on medication, but some days are just bad, however they are getting fewer as time goes on. One said girl texted me and I will post her texts and my texts below:

Her: Hey girl!! How are you?
Me: I'm ok, have had severe headache all day.
Her: your coming tonight right
Me: Probably not, I haven't been able to eat all day. I wish I could.
Her: You know this headache is an attack of the enemy and he is trying to keep you from this stuff. You have missed a whole day of God filled things and the devil is loving it and you're letting him win! You're going to miss an amazing night of God. Jesus didn't complain when he died on the cross. We have authority over this headache and all these attacks.

I was so upset I couldn't respond. I am a diabetic so when i don't eat, my blood sugar drops. It would have been dangerous for me to drive! I started to respond, but I didn't want to mean plus to be honest, I was just too hurt again… so now I just got a text apparently after their service from her again…

Her: I love you!! All that I texted you was not just me saying it, but I have been in a similar place that you are and God told me if he had not been firm and straight with me I would have never moved on and gotten to where I am now! I know where you are at spiritually and I know its not easy and its rough. But you got to push to seek his face and become desperate and listen to what he has to say and be willing to make the changes that you need to make!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did this go from a physical issue to a spiritual issue?!?! But if she wants to go there, has she had PTSD? has she had religion shoved down her throat? Has she been so tormented by memories that she couldn't sleep and was afraid to leave the house????? Sure you know I attempted suicide, sure you know Im struggling, sure you know I was abused, BUT you don't know what I'm going through!

Mindsets like that is what got me out of church for a long time. People telling me "God says, you're letting the enemy win.." doesn't make me want to fight harder! It makes me feel unloved and like Im a failure and makes me begin to doubt myself. It makes me want to give up. Church is the only place I go, the only place I have friends.

So I have a severe headache NOT because I slammed my head against a brick wall and cracked my skull, but because I LACK faith?!! So I need to just ignore the dangers of my blood sugar dropping quickly and drive to a worship service where the music will be loud and cause me to drive at night, which is hard on a good day since head injury… Yeah I'm screwed!

I'm hurt, once again by people who are suppose to lift me up…my safe place is once again a place where I have to perform…. I can't keep dealing with this.

 

[Rumors]

That isn't a religious issue, that is a stupidity issue. What a douchebag! You can't let anyone define what your faith means to you. If it brings you peace, then you are utilizing it as it should be. Faith is individual and can't be shoved down your throat. This person obviously has been drinking their own koolaid too much! Hang in there and try not to hold someone else's stupidity and ignorance against what is a personal experience. Sorry! Fanaticism can be exhausting. Keep the faith!

 

[Ryn]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I know several Christians like this and it is just so frustrating and hurtful. I am so disappointed with the church in general for their tendency to treat trauma and mental health issues so lightly, as if they can be fixed by extra praying or more faith. That is just NOT how these things work. If only it was that easy!

You are not a failure, your worth is not determined by your church attendance, and you are certainly not letting God down. Please don't let these incredibly hurtful and misguided people try to call you out on matters they know nothing about. To be frank, this girl's words are a load of ignorant bullshit. I feel sorry for her if she has supposedly survived abuse stuck in this sort of mindset all the time. How overwhelmingly exhausting and horrible to try to live with that.

From what I know to be true about God, He would be so proud of you, for surviving all you have survived. He would be glad you are still here, as am I. Don't give up!

 

[shimmerz]

Abuse is a relative term. I know people who believe that their 'abused childhood' is anchored around Daddy not letting them have a cellphone at 8 years old. I think we tend to be drawn to people who say they were abused because we feel we will be understood. Many times it is an opening for someone who is prone to judge, put down, etc, someone NOT necessarily a 'hey I can relate thing'. I have learned that I trusted too easily those around me. I am learning one thing that has come in very handy. That just because you say you are religious does not mean you act in kind AND that I was at one point so desperate to find anyone to understand me that I would pick up on words and connect to the wrong people because they know how to use their words better than me.

So, I have learned to stand back and have put a different definition on the word trust. I trust a liar to lie. I trust someone who is loyal to be loyal. I trust someone who doesn't want to get it to NEVER really get it. Etc, Etc, Etc.

So sorry you had to put up with that today.

 

[mamachick]

I agree with both Rumnors and Ryn and could not say it better. This is a load of crap. I think this is what keeps me away from church. I know that I need a spiritual make over, but I also know that a holistic approach is necessary. I have not found a church where I feel this, or I have not looked hard enough. Even without blood sugar and headache, depression is or can be chemical-it is not anything we wish for or an indicator of our spirituality. I hope to find a church that has welcoming and accepting attitude soon, without that guilt bs some try. Please try to not let this ignorance get to you.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

There is a true religion out there, so don't give up looking and don't be satisfied with BS. Jehovah God and Jesus would never guilt you into loving him or serving him.

 

[Echo]

It is in the nature of faith that your connection with God is where you are. So you can just as easily be with God when you are at home in bed as anywhere else. This fundamentalism is bullying in the wrong hands. So sorry you've not been treated as a person. I hope you can tell this person to leave you alone or maybe avoid her. Certainly no more texts of that nature.

 

[Pencil]

What a self righteous, unpleasant, self-satisfied, self-congratulatory moron. And totally misguided. Poor. poor sod. Dear God, please don't let that woman have children.

What bothers me about your post is how you start fighting with yourself in an attempt to justify your situation to yourself. I know that so well, I do it all the time in my own head in reaction to people, but mainly in reaction to my sister, who is a reborn Christian of the most vituperous variety. Send her to hell, where she belongs. Roll your eyes; I'm sure God is doing the same at what is done in his name. Sorry, you can see how strongly I react to people like that.

 

[TimeToHeal]

I am so sorry, @FindingMyself88, that this girl has treated and spoken to you with such ridiculous ignorance.

I am not a religious person, though I do understand the importance, to some, of their faith. I do hope however, that you will look into finding a new, more accepting and open minded, church. As I'm sure you're aware, many churches do not embrace psychiatric medicine and therapy. They think all can be healed and erased if you just pray hard enough. No. Just no. Ridiculous.

Whatever you do and however you choose to handle it, please don't continue to expose yourself to the likes and misguided views of this girl or others like her. You do not need or deserve such invalidation. You need friends who will listen without judgement, and who will support you.

Hugs to you... :)

 

[ghotiff]

That isn't a religious issue, that is a stupidity issue

A very large portion of the population (fortunately for them, not so fortunate for us) have no idea what it is to have our type of problems....and in ignorance they can say such hurtful things.

 

[Pencil]

@ghotiff, This is not a PTSD issue.

 

[ghotiff]

I'm new at this....but I presumed that it was the invalidation from the 'tough love' that hurt, and that issues with invalidation was a PTSD thing...but I don't know that for sure. Sorry if I offended anyone, it was not my intention.