Kim's Man said:
During those times when a sufferer of PTSD is acting out, yelling or being destructive, what is going through your mind?
I guess what I would like to know is, when acting out, are you looking at the spouse and seeing the original offender? Or is it more a, "I want you to hurt and suffer the same way I am!" type of thing? And during a destructive phase, when items are being broken, is there no feeling of consequences of your actions? If an item of significant worth is being destroyed, does it cross your mind that there will be financial reprecussions (the cost of repair/replacement) due to your actions?
Anthony, I'm not saying you fit any of the above.
Mate,
I used to fit this mould when my PTSD was undiagnosed and I had no idea why I did the things I did, and when diagnosed, not knowing what to do about this disorder. I am as guilty as the next, no doubt at all, and would be a liar to say otherwise.
Our anger and hostility is generally aimed at the person who is closest too us, that normally being our spouse. Why? Because they happen to be the person in the immediate vicinity, but more importantly, they happen to be the person we also deep down trust, and are really throwing out a cry for help to them. Spouses will often only see the hostile side of what we say, which is certainly no fault of their own, because we are all only human after all. We have a bond with our spouse, we have a trust, we have an understanding, generally which we just bring out the wrong way to the person we love the most.
We don't perceive the spouse as the offender, just merely the person we want help from, but really don't understand nor comprehend what is going on within us, to really give a clear question to ask our spouse so they can support us. Instead everything comes out in confusion, anger and hostility, all of which will only confuse our spouses and put them on the defending foot. We certainly don't want you to suffer the same as we do, instead the opposite, we want you to help, but we just don't know how to ask the specifics, because we often don't understand it ourselves. The spouse is generally just left confused, with no idea what we really want, nor knowing what to do.
We definately vent our anger at the wrong person near every time.
If something is detroyed during rage, no, we don't see the right and wrong aspects of what we are doing at that time, though we do see them afterwards, though that just creates more anger from our sheer stupidity of being destructive in the first place. Its like being in a revolving door. Our brain acts, and blocks out everything sensible at the time, which then creates more anger within us.
The actual anger though is not created, but more we can't identify the emotions within each facet of our PTSD, confusion is an emotion, and this comes out as anger, hostility or rage, instead of calmly discussing the emotion when it occured, we bottle it, process it, sit on it, and stew until we the pot explodes. Definately the wrong way to do things, and certainly not normal, but it is a consequence of PTSD unfortunately. Not just an excuse.
The facts are though, is that a sufferer needs to be made aware of these actions, they need to be discussed as an emotion, before they reach anger, and these are points that every sufferer must come to terms with if they want to actively get themselves better.
It is often hard to break a cycle of motions, though PTSD is a motion, and it must be broken by the sufferer. It is no different from growing up in an abusive household, where more often than not, the siblings will then become abusive themselves, where only a slight few will break the cycle, break the chain, and better themselves so that type of life is no more. PTSD is the same, and we must bite our pride and break the chain in order to recover, in order to get back our relationship, but also the spouse / family members / friends must do the same, and help the sufferer break the chain, and be accepting that the hurt is in the past, and that all parties now only move forward with a near future, near attitudes, new direction, but together as one, not with constant fear of relapse.
Sorry about the delay on replying to this Warren... I get a little busy at times, and often need to rest myself so my own PTSD doesn't get the better of me. Hope that helps a little.
