My Thoughts

[RedLuna]

So, for some reason no matter what I do my mind still goes on suicide I try so hard to fight the urge but I don't know how anymore. I'm afraid I'll try and hurt everyone that I love. I know everyone trys but I feel like I can never please people the way I want to. I feel like I can't make anyone happy anymore and that if I killed myself they'd be better off. I haven't cut in three weeks but I want to so bad. How do I fight it when I feel so alone again even though I have people?

 

[SeanCharles]

@RedLuna Have you heard of and been introduced to Grounding? This is a technique that is extremely helpful as it shifts your thoughts to the present situation, the here and now. I am sure others can give you some links to some great resources to assist with this or explain some methods that may or may not work for you.

Suicidal Ideation or even self-injury is never a good coping mechanism. I know that you probably know, or hear that frequently, I am only saying this because there are other methods that can help. Also, Do you have a Therapist or other professional you work with? they likely can also provide you with some resources with dealing with these negative thoughts.

 

[Sandstone]

Are you fighting with suicidal ideas or suicidal urges? I've been realising recently that the two are very different.

For me an idea is what happens when I take my medication and think "I wonder what would happen if I took ten of these?" While it's unwelcome and I'd like not to be in a state where it comes into my head, I can live with it. I struggle with most things to do with mindfulness, but in this context I can apply the idea of acknowledging that I've just thought it and move on. That sounds very calm and accepting, but when it happens many times every day it's still painful and distressing.

It's very different though from what I call an urge. When that hits I just want out. That's when I need help, but I can relate to

I feel so alone again even though I have people

It seems so hard to break through the barrier of distress to ask for help. I am trying two things currently

• telling my family afterwards what I wanted to do, so they know it's hanging around me
• asking them what signs they notice of me going downhill, and asking them to intervene if they notice them again

Currently, I can't manage to ask at the time, I'm too bound up in the disordered thinking.

 

[RedLuna]

I do the whole what would happen if I did this kina of thing and I've been wanting to cut again and I no longer have a therapist at this moment I'm on my own and if I talked to my family they wouldn't do much its the same thing always oh you'll be ok it'll pass crap