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When Is Enough Enough? Retiring On Ill Health Grounds (ptsd)

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anonymous

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Hi all,

I was off work for over a year (certified sick leave due to Burnout (the first few weeks) and PTSD). About a month ago, I have started going back to work. However, this is a certain work plan financially supported by my health insurance. It is supposed to help someone who's been off work sick for a long time to return slowly. In the first month (of three), I will or rather have been working 2 hours a day, in the second month, I will be working 3 hours a day and in the third month I'll be working 4 hours per day. After that, I will be back to regular working hours (in my case 4 hours a day (before I was on certified sick leave for so long, I had a full-time position though, so this has been changed now).

Also, owing to my disability status, I have official support from an organization specialized in people returning to work after a long time away for illness. The lady and I had a (second) meeting today with my boss. During the meeting, my boss expressed support to help me get back into my job with necessary changes being made. She expressed some understanding for my position (returning as an employee with a disability) and at first, things seemed fine (better than during the first meeting we had with her and other representatives of my employer's). Then, when the person officially supporting me had left, my boss asked me to talk to me again and said to me that we would have to take things slowly and the necessary changes to the job itself need to be taken step by step. Which is quite the opposite to what was said in the meeting! My boss has expressed before that she does not think I will be able to keep on working in her unit. Then, though, she was told by my employer (my boss is not the employer) that she needed to make changes because it's my country's law for people with a disability status. I do know, from out of her own mouth, that she wants to support me so I can find another job within the company... Obviously, there are two messages "hidden" in that sentence... :cautious:

Anyway, because she sends different messages and has made clear to me what she would definitely prefer me gone (owing to my country's law, it is difficult to fire someone with a disability status, phew), and especially after the meeting today, I have started seriously considering retiring. I have already requested a part-time pension (possible in my country, if you can't work full-time owing to illness), so it would be easy to extend that request. I do want to work though as my pension is below the poverty line in my country. If I keep working part-time I'd have enough for everyday expenses (food, hygiene stuff, medicine, public transport). If not, I would not be able to cover my medical expenses (not even with additional financial support paid to those not above the poverty line).

I am also just so tired of fighting. Of seemingly fighting for a job my boss does not want me in anyway (not anymore, since I have changed from robot to human). It seems to me, my boss just keeps it difficult for me to return and keeps saying this change or that change won't work because X, Y, Z. No real reasons... So, I seem to be fighting for something that, sooner or later, she will kick me out of anyway (there are ways, however, it's a tough road for an employer to take, yet, it can be taken and at the end of the day, there will be nothing I can do).

I'd appreciate any supportive thoughts on this.

Thank you for reading.
 
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Sounds complicated! To begin with, if I was in your position, I think that's the last conversation I'd allow the boss to have with me without someone else there. That is, without a witness. Sounds like this person is trying hard to manipulate the situation without the employer or your advocate knowing. I'd also be sure to discuss this with the advocate. My thought is that the person who needs to "retire" is your "boss". And I'm thinking that person's boss might not approve of this behavior. True?

I can understand and relate to being tired of fighting. Sometimes, it's the thing to do, even if you're tired of it. What are your chances of finding another part time job that will let you live a good life? Totally retiring doesn't sound like a good option, moneywise. Can you expect to find another job that you'll like and will work for you? Working someplace where your boss doesn't like you isn't fun. What are the chances that the boss might be replaced? Are there other good options within the company? (It sounds like the real problem here is the "boss".)
 
OMG @anonymous . I too am attempting to return to work. I have been doing so for quite some time. It is a battle but I am feeling encouraged by progress lately (finally). The thing is, my work is so grounding for me when there isn't the drama. I just like to do a good job and to feel like I am helping this world by what I do.

since I have changed from robot to human
This is so true, and I have identified that I play a part in this too. I am in an IT related field which is very high pressure. If I let it be. I have finally learned to flex my muscles and speak and say, 'you know, that is enough for today'. So very very difficult for me. I was expecting a ton of people to blast me for not being conscientious or responsible etc. Nope. Didn't happen. Seems I was the one putting pressure on myself. However, if you feel like others are putting undue stress on you is it possible to extend your leave?
 
Thank you @scout86 :)

that's the last conversation I'd allow the boss to have with me without someone else there. And I'm thinking that person's boss might not approve of this behavior. True?

Well, I was in there not to talk to her but fix an appointment. She made use of the opportunity and said what she did, so can't do anything about someone commenting midway doing something else. :(
The boss doesn't have a boss plus is a VIP within the company. Sorry, I'm not able to go into this more. The internet is still the internet... Hope you understand.

What are your chances of finding another part time job that will let you live a good life? Totally retiring doesn't sound like a good option, moneywise. Can you expect to find another job that you'll like and will work for you? What are the chances that the boss might be replaced? Are there other good options within the company? (It sounds like the real problem here is the "boss".)

My chances are zero. In my country, with a disability status you can basically forget about finding a job. You can hide it, if you can, but then you don't get the benefits (meaning the right to not work overtime, e.g., and I can't do overtime, at least not much and "all the time"). Boss will definitely not be replaced. It is possible for me to try to find a job within the company, which I've been doing, but there are special requirements to the job and there aren't very many out there that are suitable for me.

THanks again, scout86. Good to be heard!
 
my work is so grounding for me when there isn't the drama. I just like to do a good job

Same here @shimmerz I didn't think so at first (before I returned), but work has been so good for me!

This is so true, and I have identified that I play a part in this too. However, if you feel like others are putting undue stress on you is it possible to extend your leave?

We seem to be "in different shoes". I put up boundaries before I dropped out of work -- but they weren't respected. Over and over and over again. I have to add, I'm assistant to around 20 people. So, I have been facing about 10 times the amount of boundary-issues there usually are working for one person. Half of the people are alright, respecting boundaries. Now, in order to avoid getting into boundary-problems, I have my own office in another part of the building. Wonderful. I get stuff done, no violated boundaries yet. Lovely.

Good luck to you!
 
Me personally I'd ride out the plan and let it play out collecting the paychecks and demonstrating my own compliance all the while. I would also most likely document and reserve the right to consult with the human resources person about the conversation and air my concerns.

There are genuine concrete reasons why you desire to return to work, those reasons have not changed. The fact that a boss is waffling worrisome, frustrating, anxiety producing and some other stuff I could rattle off... but I'd keep my eye on the longer term goal of managing myself and the commitment I made... which would be in your case, compliance in following the recommended/prescribed (?) slow return to work.
 
We seem to be "in different shoes".
Yes @anonymous, we are. I am a freelancer so I have trained myself along the way to 'get it done - no matter how exhausted'. It is great that you have been able to practice at your boundaries for so long - that was SUCH a big piece for me as I gave away most of 'me' at the time of my collapse. Sounds like you would be a terrific teacher on boundaries having the experiences you have had! That is a gift!

Bright blessings
 
I agree with @The Albatross, follow the plan they've put in place to the letter, keep your own record of the conversation your boss had with you and see what happens. You don't sound like you're ready to retire so if it doesn't place undue stress on you, try to keep your current role. Once you're back in work you could look for something more suited to you but it's their job to make appropriate adjustments and your boss has to evidence that they won't work which means she needs to give it a go first.

It may be worth practicing some "stock phrases" should your boss get into this kind of conversation with you without HR present again. Something like "are you keeping a record of our discussion or should I?" Lets her know its not off the record, or simply saying "I'm really focused on "X" just now, should we arrange to speak about my return to work at another time?" might help set boundaries around this.

Best of luck.
 
I'm hearing that you want to retire. Underneath all the reasons you should work, I hear your exhaustion. It helps me to make a list of pros and cons to help me sort out how I really feel. I am also physically disabled now, so I am retired. My therapist thinks it is a waste, and that one day I will find a job that will work for me. The few jobs I applied for would not make any concessions for PTSD so I didn't go to the interviews.
 
I'm having a similar experience. I've been off work on medical stress leave. I am working with HR and my union about accommodations. Then we will decide when I will go back and a gradual back to work program. Now my biggest problem is my boss was one of the reasons I was off work. She was verbally abusive with me and other co-workers. We are supposed to set up a meeting with her and HR and my union before I go back. I am so anxious about this meeting. I'm sure she will be super sweet with HR and my union there but what about when I start back to work.

How does that work with part time pension? Is that a disability pension? I think you have a be 60 in order to get early pension in my country.
 
There are genuine concrete reasons why you desire to return to work, those reasons have not changed. (...) I'd keep my eye on the longer term goal

I'm hearing that you want to retire. Underneath all the reasons you should work, I hear your exhaustion.

Hi @The Albatross and @DharmaGirl

Thanks for your posts. The above quotes really sum things up for me well. Both is equally true for me. Yes, I do want to retire. I am exhausted to the bone. I really wish I could retire. And yes, those genuine reasons have not changed. How to combine the two, I don't know. Probably go on until my health will make the final decision.

This may come across as very negative, but for me I think it's just what it is.

In my country's social system, you can request a part-time pension, but they can make you retire full-time, i.e. *they* decide if they will give you what you have requested (a 50% pension in my case) or the 100% (full) pension. So, our pension fund clearly states that that is legal practice... "forcing" someone into retirement on ill health grounds because of the rotten part-time job market. What I'm trying to say is if that happens to me (they put me on the full pension, whether I want to or not), I will really carefully consider taking it. I have been physically ill (pain in my bones and muscles etc.) for weeks now and always exhausted, still working though. For now I'll have to go on anyway as the application/request for a pension is still being processed. They think it will take a year...

Thank you for hearing me, DharmaGirl.
 
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