Alcohol And Flashbacks

[EvenStrongerNow]

I had one beer. It was a rather large beer.

We were out at a club to watch a fight night. Reggae music came on. It reminded me of being back on the island drinking with my ex.

Next thing I know, I'm on an emotional tailspin, we left the event after only an hour, we are driving home and I'm completely somewhere else. I'm not acting like myself and it didn't feel like I was talking to my husband. The entire time, I felt like I was talking to my ex.

It's the only thing I can think of that happened. My husband doesn't drink at all and we were both left feeling confused and lost. I don't even know who that person was that I was acting like.

Does alcohol cause flashbacks for anyone else?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Half a beer can make me wake up later that night from a dead sleep into a full panic attack/flashback. I gave up drinking completely because it's not worth it. I am looked at as someone who can't have fun until I explain why I don't drink and most people say "OMG I had no idea it was that bad!!"

 

[WillyKat]

It doesn't cause flashbacks for me, but it did cause me to drop into what I call the death spiral from hell. I would become terribly depressed with a lot of suicidal ideation. The label may have well said "Depression" on it.

But now I wonder, could depression w/ SI be a form of flashback?

After I began to realize the connection, I gave up alcohol almost entirely. I occasionally have one drink if it's some special occasion and if I'm feeling OK. Otherwise, not. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had even a partial beer.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@WillyKat , I think so because . . . a sense of permanence/eternal thinking is a symptom of a flashback for me. The same thing happened to me while I was going through it. I went into a deeply depressed state with suicidal ideation. It was as if a parallel universe was going on in my brain because most of the time, my head was saying "What is going on? Why are you saying these things? Why are you acting like this?"

For me, I think it's related because I never had suicidal ideation until I went through trauma with my ex. I remember the first time I did and it scared the crap out of me. I only experience it when I'm going through a flashback. I hope this makes sense.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

From Pete Walker's website:

"In a typical flashback, an individual is recapitulated into the original experience of abandonment. Fear is immediately triggered and soon produces shameful feelings of self-hate. This self-hate is a self-rejection that mimics parental rejection and that is equivalent to self-abandonment. Self-abandonment in turn deepens the abandonment depression and creates an even more fearful state, which in turn generates even more shame about the fear, which triggers increasingly depressing self-abandonment. This process then becomes a self-perpetuating, perpetual motion cycle that can spiral around and around in a despairingly painful descent that at its worst culminates in feelings of panic and suicidal ideation. During particularly extreme flashbacks, more than a few of my clients have uttered things that sound like this: “Life is so hopelessly depressing, I might as well be dead. Take me now God, why don’t you!”"

 

[AqueousAndroid]

You know, I notice what you guys are talking about not with alcohol but with another substance. I avoid it entirely despite the popularity of the substance. I had flashbacks, full body physical responses too which was odd, but very well could be associated with paranoia.

 

[WillyKat]

Wow! I never considered my death spiral depression as a flashback. My brain just exploded.

@EvenStrongerNow, so how did you re-emerge into the light from this experience? Did it coincide with the effects of the beer wearing off or did it take longer? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable; just curious.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It coincided with saying "I am experiencing a flashback" but I wasn't accepting of it. It's hard for me to say, "Oh, it's my ptsd. I can chalk it up to a flashback and move along". So, it took longer. I had to go to sleep for the night, wake up and read that to understand it.

I'm not jumping for joy or anything but I feel less alone after posting about it here, talking to you and speaking to a few women who can relate. It helps me to know that my experience is not unique.

The beer wearing off made it easier to self talk. When I was in the deepest depressed state. I noticed my thoughts started to come up as the beer wore off. It gave me the ability to say to myself "I'm having a flashback. I must be. It's the only thing that could explain this. I'm not crazy. This isn't going to be forever."

I think I would've stayed stuck had the beer not worn off. But, I don't really know because the depression is still here. ..the flashback isn't... but during beer and flashback, the thought ruminations were endless. I couldn't control it.

The thing is, what happened to me last night when I got home matches that excerpt I posted above exactly. The fear, the shame and the disgust was very present and I was spiraling down. I felt like I was worthless and thought "what's the point of life?" and thought "What if none of this is real? What if I'm not real?" so there was some anxiety and dissociation in the mix too...hence the intense part.

The night ended with a colitis attack so it gave me something else to focus on. With intense abdominal pain, I almost have to dissociate as a coping mechanism. When the squeezing pain starts to lessen, I come out of it and realize that I'm at home and my husband is there. That could've ended the flashback too. I don't really know. All I know is that everything last night was so overwhelming.

I hope my words aren't too fragmented. It's hard for me to articulate such a subjective although very real experience :)

 

[WillyKat]

You're making sense to me, giving me a lot to think about.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It's still a mystery to me where the flashbacks begin and end, but at least I can say for certain that I was having one and perhaps recount what I'm flashing back to. Reggae music and the smell of beer was the trigger. The feeling of being tipsy must've intensified it. . I cannot vividly remember exactly what I was flashing back to.

Saturday night

We were at the movie theater. There was a character in the movie that portrayed a Sociopath. That's a trigger for me. I tried to get up to leave but my husband grabbed my arm to get me to wait for him. The feeling of his grip around me triggered me and I wanted to attack (I almost did, my fist was clenched and ready) but I had the ability to see it for what it was in the moment. I recognized the change in me and had the ability to calm myself. I sat down and was able to tell him about it right away. His telling me I am safe helped me. But still, the fear, shame and disgust of having a flashback was there and brought on the spiraling down that night too.

It all still seems so absurd to me. But, there are many many people who experience these flashback things. Denying them only hurts me more. I have to remind myself that I cannot beat every single one of them. I'm going to have some that are so intense that I won't have that pausing ability to calm myself and that's okay. I have had other experiences with alcohol where I didn't have a flashback. Just a couple of weeks ago, I had some wine at a bbq and everything was fine. It seems to be hit or miss.

Like @Solara said, it just isn't worth it to me. Not knowing which drink will be paired with a flashback just isn't worth it. I would liken it to playing roulette with ptsd. So not what I want.

 

[anthony]

It was a rather large beer.

I just like that part... awesome! If you're gonna do something, do it to the max. :tup:

 

[StarChild]

I had one beer. It was a rather large beer.

Weren't there any non alcoholic beers available? I like to drink beer from time to time, but I don't need the alcohol in it, so I always ask for a non alcoholic one. Maybe that would help you too, to be on the save side? - Well, it's just a suggestion.