You are so welcome gizmo. You have been through so much and need to be in control of your healing, and deserve to take as long as you need-that is the only way real healing occurs, you do it at your own pace and listen to your body.
I have personally experienced increasing xanax and becoming addicted. I also titrated myself off it even though the psychiatrist told me to take it. I was free of it for about 2 years I think. Then back on it when insurance took anti depressant away. Now I am on a good anti depressant and dont usually need xanax during day but do to sleep. I was in a bad relationship and when things burst (dont want to explain), had to increase xanax to level I am not comfortable with at bedtime. My doctor allowed this because of 20 plus yrs history with him. He listens to whats going on and can see anxiety level. If I dont get sleep, I am good for nothing. So now I am titrating down on my own.
Yes my mother was not such a bad person when she was not drunk. She was an ugly drunk that talked about what happened 20, 30, or 40 yrs ago and spewed anger. As a kid, I was a hostage to this. I missed most of elementary school. Funny she feared addiction to anti depressants. I suspect she was abused as kid, maybe had ptsd. The ativan took away her anxiety. I personally think she self medicated with alcohol. I have a sister that self medicated with alcohol and became alcoholic as well. She went into recovery and avoided used of xanax for most part-never used regularly.
I also have to take Adderoll for the rest of my life due to daytime sleepiness disorder that resulted from head injury. I have serious medical problems and pain, NSAIDS (over counter) caused esophagisits, GERD, and hiatal hernia and I went down to 110 lbs and am 5'6'. I will take the prescirption as needed now. Some would say that I am addicted-if I am at 55, so be it. However, there are days that I forget to take my pain meds and am suffering and am busy, then realize that I need to take.
Again, I think there is reason to be concerned about addiction today, but the people that I know that are abusing are often snorting or shooting up pain meds and others. I am not abusing, but I have finally given myself permission to be comfortable and have some quality of life.
Years ago, I refused to take the Adderoll because of fear of addiction. Even though I was on an anti depressant, I could not get fully awake, I could not drive as I felt so sleepy it was like being drunk, I was too tired to do anything, and could not follow a conversation, so I became suicidal. I learned that I will likely have to take this for the rest of my life. I hope a time comes where I can replace meds with behavior changes. I think if I could get good exercise in everyday I might decrease some pain and sleep better. My friend with similiar pain problems has a great physical therapy program. My insurance offers only their own practice and one therapist works with 5 or 6 patients at once and they have no equiptment. We dont all walk in the same shoes.
We do the best we can with what we have. Be cautious of abusing or depending on meds soley, and seek the best quality of life we can while we can. From other posts gizmo, I know you are now taking back your life. Kido's to you. Wishing you happiness that you deserve