Anyone Else Have Constant Fear Without Reason?

[cupfish]

After many years of healing and therapy and work on my lifelong PTSD I have hit a wall. Therapy, medication, yoga, breathing, positive self talk, reading forums like this -- all helped me size my problem and understand my options. But I realize that I am uncontrollably firing adrenaline pretty much all the time because I am in constant fear. Of what? Nothing that is still alive, that's for sure. It's impacting my work now, big time. One therapist said I was the kind of PTSD patient who looks really successful to the outside world but is a mess inside. I don't know what to do. Walking around with a constant, gnawing, irrational pit of fear inside for decades is debillitating beyond belief. This is chemical, and I cannot control it. Anyone else have this?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I live in constant fear of everything and have for as long as I can remember. I, too, can relate to looking successful on the outside, but being a mess on the inside. Since being diagnosed with complex PTSD, I have struggled to maintain that outward successful look and fallen apart at work. I do not believe in safety. I can't offer advice, but I can tell you that you aren't alone.

 

[Fadeaway]

Yup. And I am so sick of it. Many times I find myself trying to come up with a reason.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have been fearful and phobic for what seems like my whole life. It is exhausting. No rest for the weary I guess.

I function well at work although I have to work part time. I feel like I have different suits of skin and I put one or another on to match the environment I'm in. No matter what I don't feel like an authentic person. My insides are a wreck.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I know we are all different, but I will share what worked for me. I was much like you at one point, with the constant surges of adrenaline and such.

I have tried many medications over the years, but only one really worked for me, and that was Geodon. I discovered that it worked well for many with PTSD, and was recommended as part of a "PTSD cocktail" on a now defunct carrot of hope website. It was literally the only med that could calm my adrenaline surges, and I was finally able to sleep once again.

Neurofeedback isn't a mainstream PTSD treatment, but it *can* help with the physical symptoms of PTSD. It was literally able to quiet my mind. Funny how we don't realize how noisy our heads are until the noise is literally gone. Its not the miracle cure that just about every neurotherapist claims it to be, but I know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am today without it.

 

[Go Hungry]

Yeah, I have the fear too. The random strikes of panic that hit for no reason, and disappear just as suddenly. They last just long enough that I can never relax really. It's a real pain in the ass. I guess I too can kind of pass for normal, from a distance maybe.

 

[Hope4Now]

One therapist said I was the kind of PTSD patient who looks really successful to the outside world but is a mess inside.

That's me. Hypervigilant. Filled with irrational fear that I fight all the time. You are most definitely not alone. Have you done trauma therapy that works on healing "parts" (e.g., inner child parts as well as protector parts like fear)?

 

[Suzetig]

I'm the same way, look very well on the surface but am an absolute mess inside. I too am hypervigilant, it's a horrible feeling to be so on edge. I have found that propranolol works really well for dealing with the physical impact of so much adrenaline in my system - it slows my heart rate, calms shakiness and helps keep my voice stable and my hands still. It's been like a wonder drug for me. I'm still jumpy but I don't feel like I'm physically in fight/flight/freeze all the time.

 

[Recovery4Me]

This is chemical, and I cannot control it.

Just asking, (not judging) -did your T tell you that with a diagnosis? If so,I am so sorry that is your constant state. :hug:
If your T did not tell you that, did you tell him/her your belief? However, I do respect you are entitled to your opinion so not trying to start an battle with anything but obtain perhaps a better understanding.

My belief systems can sometimes work against my own positive recovery, so I try to be careful in what I accept as my whole picture. That is how I bumped into discovery of this site, in searching for answers to some opinions on neuroplasticity and rematching qualia. I am attempting to rematch or graft images,senses of positive stimuli to that of wired and hijacking lesser fear triggers. Offering benign association is suppose to lower the stress and it seems to be working on the lighter stuff. So my constant heighten state of fear is slowing down and I am experiencing periods of calm. Again, just sharing.:coldfeet:

 

[Laura 2]

the kind of PTSD patient who looks really successful to the outside world but is a mess inside.

As soon as I read that I realised that I and probably so many others here are this 'kind'.

Partly because PTSD is an injury, not essentially a mental illness, and partly because what else can you do but carry on as normally as possible when no one listens...?

a constant, gnawing, irrational pit of fear inside

Yes, I've had this for years now. The only way I can soothe it is constant distraction and numbing out every waking minute. Which makes me very dysfunctional beyond normal, basic activities like eating, washing, laundry, shopping. So I look clean and tidy and well-fed which most people take as a sign that everything's ok.

I feel like I have different suits of skin and I put one or another on to match the environment I'm in. No matter what I don't feel like an authentic person. My insides are a wreck.

Well put. I absolutely hate this feeling of not being authentic, I hate having to present this same front (because it's what people demand. If you don't then you are way beyond the pale and even more isolated).

Neurofeedback isn't a mainstream PTSD treatment,

Why not? Is it that there's no £$profit in it for pharma?

 

[Fadeaway]

@Recovery4Me I would really be interested in learning more.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Solara
I've been on Geodon for about five years. It allows me to be able to work. The only drug that stopped my tremors. I gained weight on it though .