I was feeling some hope. With a counselor from rape crisis we went to 3 dentist appointments, something I didn't think was possible since the assault by my gyn. I was newly energized about my business, hopeful about ptsd progress and getting things done.
Then something got much worse. Something in my environment has caused severe allergies, which triggers auto-immune inner ear disease, which triggers dizziness, exhaustion, vertigo, drop attacks, asthma attacks and extreme pain in my ears. I haven't had a drop attack in public in some time but I hit the ground at Rite Aid the other day. I was able to gather myself to a seated position and focus my eyes so I could eventually stand and walk home.
I still don't know a soul here, not one friend.
Vertigo and drop attacks have worsened ptsd significantly. There is nothing so isolating that I have experience, than crawling, vomiting, too dizzy to function. I am helpless in this state and unable to rely upon my exit plan, that hyper ability to jump a fence, run at the speed of light, think quicker than is ever necessary except in those situations. I find strength knowing this incredible ability within me, proven when the man broke in with a knife and when the burglar pursued me in a 20 minute high speed chase. I can get away, usually.
But not when I can't see my hand in front of me.
I only have the money to have my teeth fixed at this point, and I will lose them if I don't take action immediately. My ears are one of those mystery illnesses effecting only 1% in 28 million. They say deafness is imminent. There may be some treatment to slow the process and maybe, just maybe, help the vertigo. I would hand over any remaining hearing for a life without vertigo. It is unbearable.
Depression overtakes me, hopelessness and isolation become palpable. I taste loneliness, as I struggle to limit the nausea.
My life is really, really difficult, grasping for help and hope in full blown ptsd. But the health conditions create challenges so much bigger than me.
There is only me. There is no one left.
Then something got much worse. Something in my environment has caused severe allergies, which triggers auto-immune inner ear disease, which triggers dizziness, exhaustion, vertigo, drop attacks, asthma attacks and extreme pain in my ears. I haven't had a drop attack in public in some time but I hit the ground at Rite Aid the other day. I was able to gather myself to a seated position and focus my eyes so I could eventually stand and walk home.
I still don't know a soul here, not one friend.
Vertigo and drop attacks have worsened ptsd significantly. There is nothing so isolating that I have experience, than crawling, vomiting, too dizzy to function. I am helpless in this state and unable to rely upon my exit plan, that hyper ability to jump a fence, run at the speed of light, think quicker than is ever necessary except in those situations. I find strength knowing this incredible ability within me, proven when the man broke in with a knife and when the burglar pursued me in a 20 minute high speed chase. I can get away, usually.
But not when I can't see my hand in front of me.
I only have the money to have my teeth fixed at this point, and I will lose them if I don't take action immediately. My ears are one of those mystery illnesses effecting only 1% in 28 million. They say deafness is imminent. There may be some treatment to slow the process and maybe, just maybe, help the vertigo. I would hand over any remaining hearing for a life without vertigo. It is unbearable.
Depression overtakes me, hopelessness and isolation become palpable. I taste loneliness, as I struggle to limit the nausea.
My life is really, really difficult, grasping for help and hope in full blown ptsd. But the health conditions create challenges so much bigger than me.
There is only me. There is no one left.
