Pulling Out Of Silence/dissociation

[Northgirl]

Whenever trauma or difficult emotions are brought up by my T, I get lost in the thoughts in my head. Sometimes I stay present, sometimes I don't. I HATE silence but don't know how to suggest the best way to be brought out of it by my therapist. Obviously he can't read my mind, and sometimes him talking makes it worse. Does anyone have suggestions as to what has been helpful to them?

 

[Jane.l]

I do this a lot and the things I find help are to get up and move around , sometimes we swap chairs or go and get a glass of water or go outside and walk and talk . In fact we do most of the more difficult conversations walking otherwise I just check out and can't speak at all. I also find that if my t takes the focus off me and starts to talk about something mundane about him instead , I can recover and come back.

It's a slow, frustrating process but as time goes by I do seem to be spending less time totally zoned out partly because these techniques seem to be fairly effective for me and partly because my t has become very adept at catching me as soon as I drift and that helps too .

 

[desiderata310]

I am usually completely unaware of it until my therapist asks me where I am.

 

[FindingMyself88]

My therapist has become very good at reading my body language. Like the other day she saw the minute my wall went up and checked in with me. She has plenty of things in her office that we use. She has textural items for me to hold and paintings for me to look at. She went out the other week and bought some eucalyptus oils for me to smell after I mentioned a candle I have that helps.

Maybe ask your T to periodically check in with you by asking simple questions like "what's going on in your head?" and "Are you still with me?". Maybe bring something comforting to the session with you. Like I bring a grounding rock that my T gave me, or I ALWAYS keep rubber bands on my wrist to pop and fidget with. My T also has pillows on her couch that I will hug against.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I still like spacing out better than talking things out.

 

[Springer80]

This is an interesting thread for me and I'm glad it's here because I was supposed to write this myself to ask for advise this week.
Tomorrow I have an appointment that my T that I had a preparatory chat about last week. We are going to over the nitty gritty mechanics tomorrow.

The goal I am working toward is to get the vulnerable part of me that needs love to speak. The only time I experience these feelings is in the safety of dissociation where I drift off and have all sorts of fantasies about having it fulfilled. Either by a relationship (attachment) or by imagining myself far in the future, strong and fulfilled but it's an abstract sensation).

Anyway, tomorrow I am supposed to curl up in a ball (something I don't let people see) and try and talk from this place. Thing is I resent any interruption. So how the hell am I supposed to engage with a therapist?

If I do manage to get into that place, even if I don't talk, how do I get out? I can't not talk for an hour because I would just feel really uncomfortable and probably wouldn't do it again.

I don't know. I'm not going to rush it but if I learn anything I will post.

 

[desiderata310]

I've had the URGE to curl up into a ball during therapy but I felt mostly frozen in place. hmm.. In those moments, I would have trouble engaging the speech part of my brain regardless. It carries over into everyday life unfortunately. The more anxiety I feel the less I communicate. I was complaining about the fact that I had been given my review at work and told I was a poor communicator but I was great at dealing with conflict. HUH? how does that happen?

WHATEVER! was my reply (and a lot of four letter words during my session this past week)

My therapist pointed out that when I am triggered or stressed I have REAL trouble finding words. He said that he has watched me search for simple sentences and ideas at times of stress and anxiety . Then he pointed out how much pressure I had been under of late. OK. he has a point. I have a great deal of trouble engaging my speech center under those conditions. I had to concede that I HAVE felt triggered when I have to speak in public or engage in conversation with my boss about something which doesn't help matters either.

Stupid lizard brain.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I definitely get wrapped up in my own thoughts. Sometimes my therapist will let me sit for long stretches in silence. If she interrupts with the dreaded question of "What are you thinking about?", I just retreat inward further. However, sometimes if I am given paper, I will write a bit of what I am thinking. Sometimes I can find a state that is just dissociative enough to make me feel distanced from what I am talking about and that makes it easier to talk. That doesn't happen very often and I really don't know how to explain it.

I spent a lot of time curled up in a ball and often have my face completely hidden. Sometimes while sitting in the chair, sometimes on the floor.

Sometimes my therapist will offer me a rock to hold. Sometimes she names objects in the room and asks me to try looking at them. These are both way to try to bring me back as well.

I hope you can find what works for you.

 

[Springer80]

Stupid lizard brain.

Well you say that but.....

Since T and I had the preparatory chat last week (which was basically a slightly more nuanced version of what I just posted above), I have had two dreams. One about being in a supermarket freezer section and the power goes and everything floods and one about pulling hair and gunge out of a tap (nice!).

And guess what, dream interpreter professionals?!! I feel more connected to my feelings and more relaxed and the intense white heated hard crust of pain that I normally feel when I try and touch that dissociated part, is not so intense and I've been wondering all week whether this attempt is necessary at all.

Perhaps old lizard brain has a plan and I should not bother it?

 

[Chava]

My therapy is body-oriented so silence is okay...but when I feel like I'm really getting spacey I mention it outloud...and we can talk about what spacey feels like...helps keep part of me present. Or I try to make eye contact. Or feel my feet and the floor.

 

[desiderata310]

Perhaps old lizard brain has a plan and I should not bother it?

Perhaps but we aren't under attack anymore so lizard brain needs to calm down a bit. Lizard brain tends to get in the way of things at times.

 

[ellienad]

I can relate to so much of this and I hate the silence as well. Partly because it's triggering and partly because it's just plain uncomfortable. I finally was able to tell my T this and now she will check in whenever it goes silent.

My T and I also discovered that it is very helpful for me to move around and/or do something when I start panicking. Most of the time when I dissociate, have a panic attack, or start to go into flashback mode, I tend to get stuck sitting in the same position and absolutely cannot move no matter how badly I want to. I'm frozen. My T will either notice this or I will say the "code word" and she will work with me to help me get up and move around, go get a drink of water, or take a walk together.

I spent a lot of time curled up in a ball and often have my face completely hidden. Sometimes while sitting in the chair, sometimes on the floor.

Ugh, I WISH I could curl up in a ball sometimes! I just can't seem to move out of one sitting position though....it will be a great day when I finally move and/or switch positions during the hour.