Nam
Diamond Member
I should chime in here since this was a huge struggle for me a little while back. I was diagnosed with PTSD after Ella was born in 2004. She was my second. It had nothing to do with her birth. But...I knew I wanted more children and we were blessed with a boy who is now six months old. While I was pregnant, I struggled tremendously with the whole, pain in the general area during birth, the exams, the prodding questions, and just talking about my ptsd to my care provider was giving me anxiety attacks. I wrote in my diary A LOT. I talked with my husband A LOT about what was expected. For me, studying and knowing was a way of getting control of the situation.
I had Leo naturally and it went great. NOT ONCE, did I ever think about my sexual abuse as a child. It never entered my mind the whole time I was laboring. And to tell you the truth, giving birth to him made me conquer a lot of that past pain. I felt that I made good of my body down there. That its function was not to cause pain or trauma or to give some sick bastard pleasure. It is NOT broken and that it brought forth a beautiful baby boy. Also want to mention that NOT having the drugs gave me more control. I could feel what was going on and that was better for me. (May not be for everyone.)
I also had a midwife deliver my baby outside of a hospital setting. She rarely touched me and was very understanding. She always told me what she was doing and slowed down when I needed her to. She only "checked" me when I requested it. It really was one of the best experiences of my life.
Now...about raising children while having PTSD. It is hard. It is very hard. And you are going to have to adjust your expectations. No mother is super mom even if they seem like it. You do what you can. You do your best. Kids are amazingly resilient and forgiving as long as they know you love them. My kids understand that when I'm sad, I won't be doing very much that day. And...remember that you will not always be this symptomatic. I function fairly well after the worst part of it was over. I worked very hard to crawl out of that nasty, deep hole, and life gets better.
Nic, you are in a wonderful position right now. You know you want children and I think that is awesome. Just because you have PTSD should not stop you from having them. You are also single. This is a good thing, I think. That way, when you are searching for the right man, you know what you need to have your emotional needs met. That man HAS to be very supportive and understanding of this disorder. And, you also have time. You have time to work hard on yourself. To build up your self esteem. To work hard through your traumas and come out the other side a better person. You will be amazed at how people start to interact with you once you've healed some.
I think it's great that you've started to explore this. It's a brave thing to do and I commend you for doing it.
You can check out my diary which has a bit toward the end about my struggles. I hope it helps.
I had Leo naturally and it went great. NOT ONCE, did I ever think about my sexual abuse as a child. It never entered my mind the whole time I was laboring. And to tell you the truth, giving birth to him made me conquer a lot of that past pain. I felt that I made good of my body down there. That its function was not to cause pain or trauma or to give some sick bastard pleasure. It is NOT broken and that it brought forth a beautiful baby boy. Also want to mention that NOT having the drugs gave me more control. I could feel what was going on and that was better for me. (May not be for everyone.)
I also had a midwife deliver my baby outside of a hospital setting. She rarely touched me and was very understanding. She always told me what she was doing and slowed down when I needed her to. She only "checked" me when I requested it. It really was one of the best experiences of my life.
Now...about raising children while having PTSD. It is hard. It is very hard. And you are going to have to adjust your expectations. No mother is super mom even if they seem like it. You do what you can. You do your best. Kids are amazingly resilient and forgiving as long as they know you love them. My kids understand that when I'm sad, I won't be doing very much that day. And...remember that you will not always be this symptomatic. I function fairly well after the worst part of it was over. I worked very hard to crawl out of that nasty, deep hole, and life gets better.
Nic, you are in a wonderful position right now. You know you want children and I think that is awesome. Just because you have PTSD should not stop you from having them. You are also single. This is a good thing, I think. That way, when you are searching for the right man, you know what you need to have your emotional needs met. That man HAS to be very supportive and understanding of this disorder. And, you also have time. You have time to work hard on yourself. To build up your self esteem. To work hard through your traumas and come out the other side a better person. You will be amazed at how people start to interact with you once you've healed some.
I think it's great that you've started to explore this. It's a brave thing to do and I commend you for doing it.
You can check out my diary which has a bit toward the end about my struggles. I hope it helps.
