General Continuing The Journey And New Insights

[bilerchick63]

For the last few weeks, we have been riding the bumpy and rough period of one of the worst episodes I have witnessed and of course, I have questions. Things are calming down. By calming down, I mean, he is coming home after work, communicating via text during the day with more frequency. I do not initiate.
He is still not sleeping, still experiencing nightmares when he does doze off and just this morning, "someone was in our hallway". There wasn't of course but to him, it was as real as the nose on my face. Same with when one of the bad guys visits at night.. he simply feels the weight on the bed when "he sits down".

What is different over the last week, is that he will tell me how he is feeling. This is new. He tells me via text and it ranges from..I feel numb, no feelings, destructive, lost and this morning; not very loving. I love this as it gives him a chance to communicate and me a chance to understand and respond or not, accordingly.
This feels like progress to me. This morning I simply told him I was ok and not to worry.

For the question.

Is it possible that NOT talking about the hateful things said is a good thing?. Is it really necessary. I'm thinking of packing it away as it may not be in the best interest of either of us. ( not now of course, he is still not well as outlined above)? Or, could it be that he will bring it up after after he is feeling better? I know many of you have experienced this so would appreciate your thoughts and insights. What do your SO's do after something like that has happened?

I have sought out a therapist for myself and feel so proud. I feel hopeful she can help me work through the pain of those words so I can pack it up.

Thank you for allowing.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good for you for the self care in finding a therapist for yourself. I wish you the best in the sorting out process.

 

[anthony]

This feels like progress to me. This morning I simply told him I was ok and not to worry.

That is progress...

 

[bilerchick63]

Thank you, Gizmo. I appreciate the support very much.

@anthony, thank you for confirming for me.

I would feel so appreciative to hear thoughts from anyone with regards to my question surrounding the horrible words and if it is important to talk about it or to pack it away. How have other carers handled?

Thank you.

 

[anthony]

I don't think the answer is packing it away OR going full confrontation about it, but more something along the lines of standing up for yourself, to your spouse, about what you will and will not accept in relation to being spoken to. If you say nothing and put up with being sworn at, talked down to, so forth, and don't address it near then and there each time, then your partner will think its acceptable, you will become more distant, and well... the relationship falls apart due to communication.