Wanting To Feel Loved

[mrsps]

all I want is for someone to hug me and tell me everything will be alright.

Yes! I quite often feel like this. I also have a loving husband who I love to bits and is so supportive. But I crave a different kind of hug that I can explain. Im so glad you started this thread as its so nice to know im not alone in feeling this

 

[Leah123]

I definitely feel like this many times. My therapist is willing to do that for me when I ask, send me a hug and reassurance that everything is and will be okay, and actually that things will get better. Sadly, she's long-distance, so sometimes, like now, I wish I could have that real hug in person, but it does really help a lot to know she's there for me in that way.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

When is the last time that you told you...that you were more than enough, to love and be loved, no matter what?

Um, never...
I suppose there could be multiple needs needing to be fulfilled by this longing. I think that the self-love is important, but I do kind of feel like @Chava that it feels like a need for total acceptance outside of me.

And @RussH - I know what you said about God's love and if he could physically come down and hug me and tell me I was loved, then that would be perfect, but he needs to send someone in his place- a representative of sorts.

 

[RussH]

but he needs to send someone in his place- a representative of sorts

He will, I am confident of that.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@RussH proud of you. Not only do you talk the talk, but you waddle (duck joke:nailbiting:) the walk.

 

[RussH]

but you waddle (duck joke) the walk.

thank you, but I could be so much better at it.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@RussH

I was told once, without cracks the lamp can not shine as bright. It is through those imperfections that the source of the light is seen. Thus, in service to Him, we truly are enough. You are more than enough in the moment. (Just like the author of this thread.) jmho

Roast this peanut gallery at will. :p

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This made me think about the very few hugs I got from my mom as a child. They were really crumbs of what I craved.

Everything is going to be ok.

 

[Chava]

I'm not convinced you can make up for what you missed when you were a really little one...it's like your nervous system gets hard-wired to crave connection and simultaneously shut down your own sense of need. Or at least that's how it feels for me (interpersonal stuff plus medical separation and being placed into the care of strangers and machines). ALWAYS SCARED AND NEVER PROTECTED.

But part of getting through those moments involves connecting in some reasonable way (cat, stuffed animal), or allowing myself to be sad if I can do that safely, because I think there is also a mountain of grief and sadness connected to all of this.

As for the God thing, I've had plenty of humans talk about the human relationships that are part of the God connection, and then those people go get drunk again or tell me to call in crisis and then they never called me back. So it was more damaging than good. Supposedly god-working-through-humans is big in some 12-step minds. I like the general program and I like the group, but I don't have a sponsor. I understand we are all imperfect. But I don't trust people with my problems. It involves too much risk and hurt. And for that matter, I don't really trust god either (sorry).

Anyway, I like sticking with the self-acceptance idea. But I really relate to the craving and also the inability to connect and numbness, so I can never feel the connection I crave...

 

[.Bubbles.]

Oh gosh yes. By someone that knows me inside out. Knows my secrets, my faults, and will not turn around and hurt me. But they would have some convincing to do. I both crave it and fear it...

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Chava I understand where you are coming from, I really do. Thank you for your tolerance. :hug: Tolerance of ideology is key (as we are doing), so I accept you as you kindly accepted me.

ALWAYS SCARED AND NEVER PROTECTED.

I do hope that one day for you that this quote will change from "always scared" to sometimes scared.
Perhaps as we protect each others views the other part will change too.

And yes, self acceptance is a beautiful place to start. You are also right, I learned it in a 12 step.;)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Still feeling that great longing today. I went to church (even braved taking my two boys without my husband and managed to do alright). We sang a hymn called "God Will Take Care of You". I felt so sad when singing it, like it opened that chasm of longing even wider.

Self acceptance is a huge step in inner peace.

How does one even begin to gain self-acceptance? Perhaps I should work on that more. I have been taught through others throughout my whole life that I am not worth loving, so I guess I just grew to believe them. Even when people do care about me, I just don't understand why, especially now when I feel like a horrible person most of the time.