Nyssa
Silver Member
I'm not sure if this is the right section for this post. I apologize to the staff if they have to move it.
So my mother wrote to me during my vacations this month.
I got it last week, and I spend my time avoiding my feelings since then.
Context
I broke ties with my mother 7 years ago.
Before that, I told her about my brother's abuse. She believed me right away, because she "sort of knew it without knowing it".
Long story short : after my disclosure, she had contradictory and hurtful reactions. Like telling me "The only way for me to survive is to pretend you don't exist, so I ask you to disappear for my life", and the next day "It felt good to talk to you yesterday and get it off my chests". I became more and more distant, and ask her to leave me alone for a while. She kept writing to me, I stopped answering. She mainly talked about her pain and her needs.
Then I started to remember my father's rapes. Flashbacks and memories I had conscientiously avoided until then. And it was crystal clear to me my mother wouldn't hear anything about it. I finally accused him in a letter, and both my parents showed up at my place. I didn't let them in and my mother left a letter in which she said I was making it up. After that, I told her she was out of my life. For ever. She seemed to hear that, and left me alone.
That's when I officially became familyless.
Meanwhile, I had pressed charges against my brother, and then against my father. She didn't know it yet when I kicked her out of my life.
To the cops and the investigation judge, my mother keeps saying I am crazy/manipulated by my therapist, that I am having false memory syndrome, that she never believed any of my accusations. She also said mean and useless things such as "My daughter never had success with men because she is too skiny", "Unlike my son, my daughter failed her life".
The judge organised a hearing with her and I last year. I expected nothing good from that, and nothing good came out of it. It was really painful. I didn't recognize her. It was like I was in front of a cold stranger desguised in my former mother. There was almost nothing left of the woman I had known. While calling me crazy to defend her son and husband, she kept saying like a robot "I love you, come back home, you have to go see a real doctor". It was pathetic and creepy at the same time. After a while, the judge told her to shut up with that, as she was close to witness subornation. That felt good. When it was over, my lawyer told me "You were right, there was nothing good to expect. I've never seen such a dehumanized mother. That didn't feel good.
Last year, it turned out that my brother had raped several children over the last years (after I had pressed charges...). He admitted part of it, and therefore ended up in jail waiting for his trial. For a short while, I hoped my mother would come to me and say : "I was wrong, I'm so sorry". I knew it would most probably not happen. But still, for a few weeks, I waited for it.
And now my mother writes me that absurd letter about love and life being stronger than anything. She says I put myself through hell for nothing. That I live in a dark place and can come back to the light (meaning "with her, as part of her family"). She wishes we could take a walk together without saying a word, so that we wouldn't hurt each other.
Of course, there was not a word about her son having confessed rapes and agressions very similar to the ones I accused him of.
So my mother wrote to me during my vacations this month.
I got it last week, and I spend my time avoiding my feelings since then.
Context
I broke ties with my mother 7 years ago.
Before that, I told her about my brother's abuse. She believed me right away, because she "sort of knew it without knowing it".
Long story short : after my disclosure, she had contradictory and hurtful reactions. Like telling me "The only way for me to survive is to pretend you don't exist, so I ask you to disappear for my life", and the next day "It felt good to talk to you yesterday and get it off my chests". I became more and more distant, and ask her to leave me alone for a while. She kept writing to me, I stopped answering. She mainly talked about her pain and her needs.
Then I started to remember my father's rapes. Flashbacks and memories I had conscientiously avoided until then. And it was crystal clear to me my mother wouldn't hear anything about it. I finally accused him in a letter, and both my parents showed up at my place. I didn't let them in and my mother left a letter in which she said I was making it up. After that, I told her she was out of my life. For ever. She seemed to hear that, and left me alone.
That's when I officially became familyless.
Meanwhile, I had pressed charges against my brother, and then against my father. She didn't know it yet when I kicked her out of my life.
To the cops and the investigation judge, my mother keeps saying I am crazy/manipulated by my therapist, that I am having false memory syndrome, that she never believed any of my accusations. She also said mean and useless things such as "My daughter never had success with men because she is too skiny", "Unlike my son, my daughter failed her life".
The judge organised a hearing with her and I last year. I expected nothing good from that, and nothing good came out of it. It was really painful. I didn't recognize her. It was like I was in front of a cold stranger desguised in my former mother. There was almost nothing left of the woman I had known. While calling me crazy to defend her son and husband, she kept saying like a robot "I love you, come back home, you have to go see a real doctor". It was pathetic and creepy at the same time. After a while, the judge told her to shut up with that, as she was close to witness subornation. That felt good. When it was over, my lawyer told me "You were right, there was nothing good to expect. I've never seen such a dehumanized mother. That didn't feel good.
Last year, it turned out that my brother had raped several children over the last years (after I had pressed charges...). He admitted part of it, and therefore ended up in jail waiting for his trial. For a short while, I hoped my mother would come to me and say : "I was wrong, I'm so sorry". I knew it would most probably not happen. But still, for a few weeks, I waited for it.
And now my mother writes me that absurd letter about love and life being stronger than anything. She says I put myself through hell for nothing. That I live in a dark place and can come back to the light (meaning "with her, as part of her family"). She wishes we could take a walk together without saying a word, so that we wouldn't hurt each other.
Of course, there was not a word about her son having confessed rapes and agressions very similar to the ones I accused him of.
