What Is Love?

[shimmerz]

I had a woman's therapist once who opened up a key piece of my attempt at healing. She asked me what love was. I couldn't answer, of course. So she asked me what the opposite of love was. I said hate.

She corrected me and stated that in fact, the opposite of love was fear. Go to the fear, she said and search for the other end of the scale and love resides there. Brilliant. So our definition from there was love is a place where there is no fear.

Now when I find myself slipping I ask myself what I am afraid of so that I can get to a place of love (ie, no fear). Fear of abandonment, fear of abuse, fear of being overpowered etc.

We use the word love for so many things in this society and it messes with our mind imho. If I think of a kitten I can say that I truly love them. I can also say that I love cheesecake, but the reality of the situation is that there is a fear that if I eat too much of it I compromise my health. So do I love cheesecake? No. But I do love kittens.

Any takers? What do you love without attachment to fear?

 

[Go Hungry]

I am struggling to come up with anything, other than cats and fuzzy woodland creatures. How strange.

 

[shimmerz]

Ahhhh, but you see something! Cats. So if you can see that you love cats - does that ability to love and take love in not reside in you? I love little children as well. When I struggle to love I see them as little children, innocent and so willing to kiss and hug and to be open.

 

[Leigh925]

Great post. Gives me a lot to think about. I can give love and I love certain people but I won't allow myself to receive love. It is the fear of abandonment that mentally blocks me. So the concept you mentioned of fear being the opposite of love is really profound right now. I just spent two hours in my therapist office last night trying to work through something and this totally helps to put it in perspective. Thank you so much @shimmerz

On a side note I do think that it is interesting that in most languages besides English they have different words to express love...whereas we just use the one word. To say you love cheesecake and say you love a person would require using the right form of the word love in another language.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@shimmerz Brilliant extension from your previous thread! Bite size and beautiful. You are amazing and quite the resoluter, with a healthy dose of being a closet sage. :hug:

I will remember your T's words and this share. Thank you.

 

[shimmerz]

most languages besides English they have different words to express love

Fascinating....I didn't know this - thank you @Leigh925 !
@Recovery4Me it is my t's and healers that are brilliant sages. It will be a while before I dare to peek out of the closet but I feel like if I get some information that I think may help others, I would like to share. So many years of paying therapists - collaboration is key imho. :p

 

[Friday]

That's interesting. I would say, for myself, the opposite of love is indifference.

Meanwhile I -usually- only know fear with love.

 

[digger]

I'm a-pondering this one! For me love and fear seem very entangled. Fluffy kittens, children etc - their vulnerability scares me. I'm not scared of them, but I am scared for them. I love my son, but I'd also say he is the scariest thing that's ever happened to me...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I agree w @FridayJones. It's indifference for me.

 

[shimmerz]

Is it possible that indifference is numbing? Just asking. not meaning to challenge. I know I many times go into a place of indifference.....but is that indifference caused by fear? @digger - this is interesting - love and fear tied together always?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I heard that the opposite of love is apathy. And I almost wonder if love and fear go together. Because I truly love my children, my husband, and my cats. But each one of those fills me with fear. Perhaps we need varying words for fear as well as love. I am not fearful of my children or my husband or my cats, but I am scared of what could happen to them. It's two completely different types of fear. I like that you started this thread. I don't think there is anything in this world that I am not scared of or scared for.

 

[Hashi]

I do not love cats. Sorry. I find them annoying and I dislike them very much. But I don't fear them.

I say that because I also don't love little children. Again, great dislike. And I can imagine people saying, that's because you fear seeing their vulnerability or whatever. But would people also try to persuade me that I fear cats?

I can't really agree that love is defined as a place where there's no fear. As other people have said, love and fear can both be present.

I think it's problematic to define something as the direct opposite of something else. Things often have more than one opposite anyway. Feeling safe is an opposite of fear, but feeling safe isn't equal to love. I've felt safe after barricading myself into my bedroom but that wasn't love. Later, losing the fear that made me barricade myself in was wonderful, but that also was not love.

I do see how you could find the concept of thinking about love and fear on a scale useful in various contexts. I just don't think that gives a definition of love.

For me, love is better described by ideas of openness, expansion and letting go.