Wondering About Some Peoples Perceptions Of What Being "attacked" On Forums Means?

[RussH]

You are right, the term "attacked me" is used too much. A person expressing an opinion different than yours is not attacking you; it is just expressing an opinion.
However it is also true that many of us here are overly sensitive to attacks because of our past. Sometimes we are looking for an attack where none exist.
My rule of thumb is to be considerate, and understanding of others, and try to see things from their point of view; even when I am posting an opinion that differs from theres.
The first part of the hyprocratic oath (ghosty correct me if I am wrong) is "first do no harm"
It is my intention with my post to first do no harm, and then answer honestly if not diplomatically.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Nope, that is correct @RussH and I think is a good rule of thumb for anyone, not just those pesky doctors. :)

 

[joeylittle]

People are people - so, messy, ugly, funny, smart, sensitive, tough, sometimes all in one day.

What I love about the internet is the same thing that makes it challenging - it's full of every opinion under the sun.

Yes, I think people often feel attacked when nothings actually happened. So, PTSD much? It's the nature of the beast. It doesn't surprise me to see it here.

Modulate your own behavior. If you don't want to be accused of attack by anyone's standards (because there are no universal definitions on the web), then use cushions in your language to make the observations you want to make.

If you don't care, carry on.

If you think you are "under attack", take a deep breath and look at what's there, not what you think is there - that, in my opinion, is the single best opportunity this site offers. A chance to reflect.

And if you do that and still think you're being attacked, contact a site admin or turn off the box. ( I don't mean just for here - for anywhere).

My two cents.

 

[Fadeaway]

A person can feel attacked when their thoughts, views and beliefs are challenged, or worse, flat out told they are wrong. That automatically makes someone go on the defensive.

 

[intothelight]

When you have doubts just ask for clarification as that can clear up a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Attacks are personal and not just disagreement or a different opinion or being blunt.

 

[KwanYingirl]

If a thread is picking on someone I feel a responsibility to even the playing field. There are many perspectives from which to interpret what someone is writing about. I can be blunt and apologize if I hurt someone's feelings. That doesn't mean I can't still hold my own beliefs. I just let it go.

I think people are genuinely trying to help, but may not express their point of view with tact. We have PTSD. We get triggered, we vent, we look for validation. It could be a mine field but it isn't. Deep down inside we connect. That in and of itself is a new experience for people who have been abused but never comforted. That causes dysregulation of emotions. Don't you agree that we can become highly activated on the blink of an eye?

 

[BlueOrange]

I've perceived posts here as attacks. I've been triggered because I've seen people who were in pain being challenged on something I considered irrelevant, with the challenge being constructed so that they had no good way out of it.

I think that there are times when things get attacked here. Generally speaking, I think that the intended target is likely to be a form of lazy thinking, or a specific behaviour.

It can be hard to separate 'my thoughts' and 'my behaviours' from 'me'. (That separation often tends to be therapeutically necessary.)

When I want to help someone end a counter-productive thought or behaviour, I try to focus on offering an alternative. Instead of saying "X is wrong," I'm trying to say "Y might work better".

Paradoxically, I've tended not to do that when someone is forcefully saying "X is wrong" - up until very recently, I've tended to respond in bitchy, passive-aggressive ways when I perceive someone else is being aggressive. (Working on it, and I think I'm doing a lot better in the last few weeks.)

I've tried in this reply to offer an alternative to 'calling people out'. What I'm trying to recognize in parallel is that part of what needs to happen with people that suffer from hypersensitivity is that they need to become a bit less sensitive. That means that my 'gentle, indirect' preference is not always the right approach.

It's tricky, and definitions of appropriate behaviour vary from person to person, and context to context.

 

[Friday]

I just take what I like & leave the rest.

I cannot be worrying about how everyone under the sun is going to take what I write. There are thousands of people on here. If I did that, I would never post at all. Because nothing I wrote would ever be right.

Not everyone is going to like me.

And that's okay.

As long as I can count on the mods to say "Don't be a twat" when I'm being one? I'm good. As far as other people go? If my Teflon skills break down there's the ignore button.

 

[anthony]

If someone needs a reality check online anywhere, I let someone else do it.

See I think members should state what they think, without direct attacking. This is why the forums rule on attacking, HAS to be absolute and direct, no grey area. As outlined above "go f*ck yourself" or "you whore" and so forth. Stating your opinion, blunt as it may be, is not attacking and is just that, your opinion. It isn't forcing anyone to your level, it isn't making anyone do anything... it is just your opinion and you have every right to share it.

This is why I would honestly expect every member to give their opinion, regardless how harsh it may seem, it is your opinion. As outlined above, you read what helps you, you skip over what doesn't, and you DO NOT argue what you don't want to use from others opinions, you skip it entirely.

There are so many people who come here having a huge pity party, complete self loathing and stuck in the rut they dug for themselves. With a big boot and getting a person self-motivated with something to think about their own actions, they may just kick themselves out of that hole with your help, and thus onto a more positive direction. It may hit them immediately, it may take months, but if an opinion is often true, the person will know it and that thought will rattle around in them for a while, until they accept or reject it.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@anthony, I think it depends on how the reality check is given. I agree that sometimes being blunt and to the point is the way to go, however, if you take me for example, I can be brutal (even when its not my intentions). I realize that I have a problem with empathy in general and that the "way" in which I state things can be very hurtful, which is why I try not to.

This is not to say I will never put my two cents, which is obvious at this point, just that If I feel it will be destructive (rather than constructive), I try to stay quiet. I know I have no tact and I can be mean, per se.

Again, if you have the same problem in numerous different places it is a idea good to look in the mirror to make sure you are not the problem.

 

[BlueOrange]

@anthony , if I understand what you've said, then this interpretation will be acceptable to you: "In this place, we are about facing the truth. If you think someone isn't facing the truth then I (Anthony) would prefer you to point it out to them. If they're not ready to face the truth, it can still be good for them that you pointed it out."

Does that interpretation seem reasonable?

 

[anthony]

Pretty close @BlueOrange. But again, that is my opinion, not a rule or such of the forum. Everyone here has the right to express themselves in their reply how they choose. Sometimes people have a huge pity party, and people respond supporting that pity party, and that is their right and choice. You may then get some who see what is happening, or interpret what is happening, and thus respond more bluntly. Again, personal choice and every members right, providing nobody contravenes the forum rules.

#1 rule, respect peoples opinion, cultural diversity....