General One Of A Million

[MarriedToPTSD]

So, having just begun my reading of all of this informative forum, one question that I've had for a while has been highlighted.

If I can't share some of my burdens with my wife, then who? I have few friends, and we don't catch up often, and talking to a stranger just isn't satisfactory. That personal level of trust is missing.

I'm kinda lost on this one.

 

[littlelostchild]

Why not share some of your burdens with your wife? I share with my hubby.

You will find sharing here will provide you lots of support. We understand PTSD very well. Welcome to the forum.

 

[MarriedToPTSD]

Bluntly, she'll have a melt down.
Thanks. That would be nice, in time, I think

 

[littlelostchild]

Ah, that's tough. Give us a try, I have found the members to be very supportive here.

 

[Ronin]

Sounds to me she's having issues of her own that she better work out on her own, you can't do that for her.

Well, would sharing in small doses work? or sharing something she's not likely to melt down about?

You don't really *have to* trust people in order to get help for yourself though, I've learned. It's tough, sure. It's natural tendency to want to trust, and be trusted. But it's not necessary required for your survival - you can help yourself even without it. You don't really depend on others in what is about you, and *your* work.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This is just my thinking....

Let's take the PTSD factor out of things for just a moment. I think that in life, its good to have more than one person you can turn to for support. In a non-PTSD relationship it can be difficult to always turn to one person (whether it is a significant other, a best friend, a parent, etc) as that can put a lot of strain on the relationship. I think that regardless of the PTSD factor, its good to foster relationships of different kinds so that if one area of your life is struggling, strained or in turmoil, you will always have some level of support. Right now your wife can't handle hearing about all aspects of your life, so its important for you to start looking in other directions in order to build relationships where you can get extra support. She may be the one with the disorder, but you deserve to have support in your life as well.

 

[Momofthree]

A counselor or therapist could help. A support group for caretakers would also help. You should be able to find one in your aria or like others have said you can post here. I agree with Solara everyone needs more then one person to lean on, your spouse couldn't do it all even if she didn't have PTSD. Self-care is extremely important for caretakers, you can't carry the world on your shoulders all the time, you aren't superman.

 

[TonyG]

I didn't tell anyone for 30 years and came here, I put up a brief post up here and got the support here to man up and go to the doctors, I have seen a psychologist twice in 9 days, as your a Aussie you would have the same access to help as I do once diagnosed with PTSD, Help is there, As for friends that's a tough one as many people find it hard to understand or comprehend what you are feeling, I can't really speak about my trauma in detail with out breaking down so I find it hard to talk to people.
I told my wife small parts without the details that I see, I found leaving the horror out helps others.

 

[anthony]

That personal level of trust is missing.

Yes... but you also have the very ability here that you don't with your wife, being others who understand from a supporter view and give advice / just listen, with anonymity and no concern on your behalf of just being 100% open and honest. Pro's and con's...

 

[MarriedToPTSD]

Thank you all. I have been to counsellor/psych's in the past. I see my friends when we're able to coordinate enough to catch up, which is not very often.
The trust is, perhaps unfortunately, important for me, although I do understand and (really) appreciate the opportunity to just vent without fear of judgement. Part of my problem there is the stereotypical bloke-not-whinging thing.

I shall keep reading, learning, and perhaps I may even vent, once in a while.

Thanks again

 

[IvyMillie]

I agree that it's a hard issue to find someone to talk to. My hubby doesn't want anyone to know about his PTSD and in a way I agree because people can be judgmental. So I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. When I have a hard time I find this forum amazing to help me recharge.

Another thing that has happened is that I discovered a love of writing and that has helped. I used to journal a lot and that helped too. So sometimes having an outlet of some sort can really help.

If you are married it can sometimes be dangerous to develop a closeness with someone else, so that is why I choose not to. I have friends but I don't go into great detail about my personal life.

I hope you can find some things that help.