Relationship I Think He's Isolating Again

[Glara]

I'm supposed to fly out to see him in 12 days. He's been counting them down each day, making plans and very excited. He just now texted and told me not to worry, he shut down his Facebook page, he's been on too much. I said ok, are you alright? and he hasn't answered. Sigh. I don't know if he's overwhelmed with me coming to see him or what. I'll just send a goodnight text later and wait to hear from him. I don't know now if he'll meet me at the airport.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs from one supporter to another if you'll accept them.

 

[anthony]

A sufferer will get more anxious as a pending date arrives, more often than not. It is normal. They should also calm down once the initial anxiety point has passed, being the greeting and day one.

 

[Friday]

I'll isolate in preparation for being really social.

The mental equivilent to getting a good nights sleep before a busy day.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm the same as @FridayJones. If I have an "active" day, then the day before, and preferably the day after, are my "at home" days where I don't do much. Its the same when I have a multi-day event. I need my rest days before and my rest days after. I have learned that I can't handle "last minute plans" sort of people as it never works out (the friendship that is). I need to plan in advance so that I have the required rest days.

I think that you should give him some space, but don't go into it all thinking this is another isolation.

Have you discussed boundaries and requirements for communication? I understand that it is difficult for many of us with PTSD to have even basic contact with others when we are in isolation mode, however I think that relationships are built on communication (especially long distance ones), and the sufferer should be at a point where they can at least say "I need space" when he or she needs space. I've gotten involved in a few relationships in the past year and the basic request in both of them was that I simply tell them I needed space when I am in shut down mode. They both knew about my disorder and both were supportive, but at the same time, when I would go silent on them, they'd think that they did something wrong.

 

[bell]

Yup, I'm actually isolating right now before a trip that's coming up that will be all people all the time, so it does happen.

However, not to be a downer, but I'd look into hotels in the area just in case, so if he doesn't show up you have somewhere to go. I'm not trying to scare you, but at least if you have an idea of where to go, you'll be prepared for the worst case scenario. (I also say this because I actually had that worst case scenario happen to me, although I was tacking on the visit to another trip, so I ended up just staying with a friend... and he started out all excited and planning, then dropped off, and then a military buddy died a few days before. I got a text in the airport while I was on my way there. And yes, it totally sucked, but I survived.)

And I agree with @Solara, that you two should come up with some basics regarding communication and what is and what isn't acceptable. And, unfortunately, minimal communication may not be possible, which is a good indication that he's (sadly) not in the right place for a relationship right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not easy, but also know that it's not easy on either side of the fence, (both of which I've been on) as he's most likely feeling like crap about what his PTSD is doing to him.

 

[Glara]

I'm hoping to talk about boundaries when I see him. Since he told me about the PTSD it's been much easier for me, but of course I still have doubts sometimes. He did tell me not to worry. He's definately happy I'm coming and I can't wait to see him. I'm going in with my eyes open, but I know it's probably not going to work out the way we both want it to. And I know he can't help it. The distance is probably actually an advantage in this situation. I'm trying to focus on the fact that neither of us can just up and leave our jobs and move to another state. Even knowing that though, I still get nervous when he does isolate. Can't help wondering if he's gonna leave . Oh well, for now it's one day at a time.