Don't Know If I Can Do This

[Glara]

Don't know if I can do this. I don't know what I believe anymore. My blood pressure has never been high, but now suddenly it is. I'm drinking more than ever and crying too. I don't know how to make plans for my future. I really don't know how to cope. I feel like I just I want to stop coming to this site and shut down my Facebook and just get away from all this emotionally draining trauma. I want someone to take care if me and make me a priority over their pets and other people in their lives etc etc. I'm just drained.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs if you accept them!

If you decide you want to get off the PTSD roller coaster that is up to you and you alone. Everyone has a limit. You may have reached yours. That does NOT make you a bad person!

(No disrespect to sufferers who would dearly like to also get off the PTSD roller coaster and can't.)

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Glara Sorry for your pain.:hug: (if you accept).

However, if you have PTSD no matter where you go -it kind of comes with you.
So just remember, there is a site you can go to (if and when you are ready) with others whom seriously understand and will walk with you through your journey to heal.

May peace and light surround your choices.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No offense taken, @Sighs. At least we are in control of our own healing. I can't imagine what its like to be a sufferer who is along for the ride. Yes, you can get off the ride, but while you're on it, I bet you have even less control than we do. KWIM?

Glara,
I think it may be time to let him go. He has caused you so much pain. Regardless, let Facebook go. That is a drama machine for everybody! You'll be so much calmer without it!

 

[Justmehere]

@Glara - :hug:

You sound like you are in a really awful place. It's ok to let him go, it's ok to be done and feel done. It can be so hard to let go, and so hard to stay. I suggest all supporters get their own support - because it's a very tough road to stay or walk away. Maybe it's time to talk to someone like a counselor or therapist.

 

[Sighs]

@Solara - the best analogy I can think of is that if PTSD is a car with failed brakes then the sufferer is at least in the driver's seat. They may be struggling to control the vehicle and may not always succeed but at least they have the feedback of the pedals and the steering wheel and at least they can try different things to slow the car down. The supporter is sitting in the passenger seat - completely utterly helpless and unable to control or even predict the next lurch to the left or right. Our options are to hang on or jump out. Hanging on is pretty terrifying but jumping out of a speeding car hurts like hell.

@Glara - I guess the question you have to ask yourself if this - Am I more frightened of the next corner than I am of hitting the road? Hugs either way.

 

[BrokenBird]

@Glara - Take care of you. It's okay to choose you. You've been in a relationship with yourself longer than anyone. :)

Go with your gut. Don't turn a blind eye to the red flags. I blamed so much bad behavior and harsh words on the wrong things to try and justify it in my head.

I couldn't take even a few months of it. Needed anxiety meds for the first time in my life. Kudos to you if you find greater strength to push forward.

 

[Glara]

I just don't know what to believe. He told me I was the first person he's had sex with in 15 years. That's true for me, but can it be true for him? When I saw him he was running around trying to be with me while taking care if his dying cat. I saw how torn he was. The next week after I left he kept apologizing and saying he failed. Of course I told him it wasn't true and I understood, but now this week I've hardly heard from him. He was away for the weekend with his sister visiting, but other times in a similar situation he texted me all day everyday.

I guess I fear that since we were together again he's lost interest. I just don't know what to think or feel anymore.

 

[joeylittle]

When I saw him he was running around trying to be with me while taking care if his dying cat. I saw how torn he was. The next week after I left he kept apologizing and saying he failed. Of course I told him it wasn't true and I understood,

If I'm remembering right, at the time you were pretty frustrated about how the cat was pulling his attention. Do you think he picked up on that more than you realize?

I guess I fear that since we were together again he's lost interest.

To me, this is a straight-up relationship issue, not as much a PTSD relationship issue. You need to talk to him about this. Trying to mind-read isn't going to do you any good, and you clearly want more consistency in communication.

I think it's fair to tell him you are experiencing a gap in the communication, and want to work on making it better.