The Dysfunction Of Family

[Tmt]

I'm taking a leap that the title of relationships included non romantic such as family here.

Recognizing dysfunction within the abusive home for the first time the last couple of weeks. I cut off contact with my family in order to protect my children while I process the events of my childhood/youth/ and adulthood.

What I wish I was discovering is that my family was harmless, loving, kind and compassionate. What I have discovered is that in fact the opposite. What I concidered normal and acceptable has now been explained to me as abusive. I'm speaking mostly about my mothers actions.

In realizing this I am content with the steps I took to sever contact. I still am working this out in my head. Arguing with myself that I'm over reacting. That what happened was ok, for my own good. Yet I know that none of that is in fact true.

So tonight I recieve repeated messages from my siblings (my parents biological children, I was adopted) stating that I was hurtful and mean. I didn't respond but before I could block there numbers or Facebooks the anger and rage surfaced and the threats poured in.

Everyone's blocked. I didn't respond at all partly cause I still can't speak and because I can't figure out what I'm supposed to say. I'm just left here feeling like the worst person in the world. Like I have no rights to do this. That I'm wrong and I need to fix this. So I sit frozen. I'm my silence. Lost and sooooo ALONE!

 

[Lost214]

Deep breaths
You don't have to do anything or say anything.
Please take the evening and just focus on your breathing and calming your mind and body.
Doubt and questioning ourselves is such a part of ptsd. Telling ourselves it wasn't that bad is common as well as making excuses for our abusers or blaming ourselves.
you can process all of this later when you feel up to it.
You are not alone but I know that feeling so well, same with being lost. Be good to yourself and hang in there

 

[Whirlwind]

That I'm wrong and I need to fix this.

Ouch, I know it is hard. I walked away from my family early on, and while very sad, I still feel it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

I agree with lost, you don't have to say or do anything right now. Best is to just set iwth it and let the others too, it is not a time for facebook mobbing and all of that, its too difficult and raw right now.

Take good care and know you aren't the only one and speaking from experience, I did the right thing so long ago. I gained many years abuse free as a result.

Best, Whirlwind

 

[quietone]

You aren't alone. I have had to walk away as well. We are all here for you as well.

 

[Tmt]

Thank you... I'm speachless, even in writing I can't find my words very well right now.

 

[Melody coates]

i can totally relate. I thought my mother's abusive behavior was normal. when i tried to tell everyone else that it wasn't (im adopted as well) my mother's biological children defended her. i can tell you friom experince that confronting your abusers and bystanders, that it won't help you. they will most likley be in denial. all you can do now is focus on yourself and get some treatment for your trauma. i hope things get better for you dear. Hugs! :)

 

[Tmt]

That's just it I didn't confront them I simply stated that in my opinion there input into my life was poison and gave three recent examples that led to my final decision to cut off contact. I didn't feel it would be helpful or needed to bring up and point out ever little thing. It doesn't help anyone. Just simply want to move on and heal and when they are attacking me it's not helping. It caused me to go to a dark place and question weather or not I was being a horrible daughter/ sister. Sat up crying in the middle of the night fighting with myself half convinced I should just swallow my entire collection of prescriptions and giving them what they want and half wanting to get better to prove to them I'm worth more then they ever allowed me to believe I am... Needless to say I am here but still fighting and hurting and trying not to let the hurtful words and taunts of this supposed family infect my healing and mind with the poison they so willingly and freely give to me.

 

[Melody coates]

My heart goes out to you hun. most of us on here have been there and done that. Cutting of contact was the wisest decision. your family is in denial and very unsympathetic towards you. i know its hard to do this but it needs to be done for your well being and the well being of your kids. The most important thing to do is get some treatment so you don't repeat the cycle. and don't listen to the idiots that say "get over it". healing takes time. i hope you find the strength to overcome this and forgive them someday :)

 

[Lost214]

Your family may never be able to see what you hope they will see. You may never get an apology or an ounce of understanding. I'm sure you know this is a possibility. This can really add to the pain of it all. But if you think about it, they probably didn't give you much in terms of validation all along so don't let it eat at you if this happens. I hope that you will find peace and trust your decision