Sufferer • Hello ❁

[D006]

hello,
This is all new for me as I have never talked to anyone about what I'm going through maybe because I just recently realized what was going on yet I still debate whether it's just something silly that happens and isn't serious at all...
It's very hard for me to open up to anyone, even my family. I've noticed recently I would have, what everyone would call, mood swings. I would go from happy to sad/angry in less than a minute - it could be a song, something someone said... Anything that would trigger something inside me to just change my behaviour and I would get even more angry at myself bc I know the way I'm acting and I don't like it. At the end of the day, all I would want to do is sit in my room and cry asking myself why I'm like this and no one could ever understand how I feel inside. I feel as though I'm like this bc of prior traumas that have happened in the past 2 years; I wasn't like this before that. A lot has changed, some for the good yet the rest not so much. I often shake this feeling off but I can't help but get mad at myself for my behaviour as it affects my attitude towards my family which I hate myself for.

Sorry for rambling, there's alot I've bottled up and I thought this might help a bit.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[D006]

Welcome to the forum :)

Thanks :)

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

@DOO6 it's ok to feel like you do, and on this site nothing is silly as everyone's issues, traits, problems that are personal and meaningful to them and that's why we come on here to share and gain some knowledge , support and understanding without being judged. There were a few occasions a couple of weeks ago when I woke up and cried for about two hours but when my sister asked me why I was crying if couldn't tell her because I didn't know the answer. I also felt a lot if anxiety after I'd cried, do you have any anxiety? We can have emotions that surface but we don't always know why! Getting mad at yourself is only going to make you more upset. Maybe if you speak to your family and explain that you don't mean to be mad at them or angry with them but for them to allow you done space and understanding this may take some of the pressure of you . Have you recently seen a T? They maybe able to give you some coping techniques. Being on here will definately help though as everyone very supportive, so please don't worry about offloading , I do it all the time and it makes me feel much better. Good luck x

 

[RussH]

Welcome to the forum. As you become more comfortable here on the forum you will find that opening up and talking about what is happening to you will become easier.

 

[intothelight]

@D006 Welcome to the forum!

PTSD isn't just a simple disorder and it has many facets and the types and severity of symptoms are unique to each individual. There is a lot of information on this site and hopefully you will find some ideas, skills and treatment ideas that you may find helpful.

I often shake this feeling off but I can't help but get mad at myself for my behaviour as it affects my attitude towards my family which I hate myself for.

Wanting to change, try to change, slipping up and then beating yourself up is a pretty common cycle. However, beating yourself up can lead to perpetuating the cycle. There are therapies that are extremely helpful in breaking the thinking patterns and breaking the cycle. I hope you find this site and the support beneficial to your healing.

 

[D006]

@DOO6 it's ok to feel like you do, and on this site nothing is silly as everyone's issues, traits, problems that are personal and meaningful to them and that's why we come on here to share and gain some knowledge , support and understanding without being judged.

Thank you :)
Yeah! That's happened a couple of times, I would just start crying and have absolutely no idea why.
I always apologize to my family if I ever acted in an unintentional way to them but would never give them reason as to why I acted the way I did; it's very hard for me to tell them. Everytime I think about it, I disregard it bc it's not something I want to burden them with or want them to worry about.
As for a T, I've never seen one and I recently have thought about it but again, it's very hard for me to open up... Over the years I've become very closed about my emotions. Writing my first post was really hard for me but I'm glad I did it; I hope with time things will get better.
Thanks so much again

 

[D006]

Welcome to the forum. As you become more comfortable here on the forum you will find that opening up and talking about what is happening to you will become easier.

Thank you, I hope so :)

 

[D006]

@D006 Welcome to the forum!

PTSD isn't just a simple disorder and it has many facets and the types and severity of symptoms are unique to each individual.

I understand, thanks so much I'm going to do some more reading around here tonight :)

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome to the forum, @D006. Things do get bottled up and its important to find ways to let them out, somehow. I hope you get a lot of good out of this place.