Sufferer Looking For Support For Ptsd In A Group Setting

[PTSD NON VETERAN mom]

A little about my trauma. ..it will be sugarcoated but still bad so beware PTSD suffers.

Was heading to my son's room to talk to him because he had a fight with his girlfriend when I heard a pop and I kicked in his door and found him with gunshot to his head went crazy then did cpr and restarted his heart 3 times cops pulled me off him and didn't continue cpr I fought the police to get back to him to continue cpr. Guess I never stopped screaming his name since I kicked his door in. Ended up locked in a little interagation room at the police station for 5 hours drenched in my son's blood and still seeing him laying on the floor, I went crazy in there. They then photographed me and took my clothes and had me wash his blood off my hands and face. Then after six hours released me to my husband. My son was 20 years old and a fantastic kid and loved to make people laugh.

I haven't been able to get past that morning and have been diagnosed with PTSD and have been in therapy and on meds for anxiety, flashbacks, insomnia, etc. My therapist seems to have the idea that I'm making progress but know I'm getting worse everyday. I think she has the mind set she can cure PTSD so I think she might be giving up on me and just wants me to stop scheduling appointments, has anyone had that experience? I'm looking for a PTSD support group but everything that's free is for veterans only and associated with the VA. I have been to a grieving parents group but feel like I can't relate to what they are feeling because I haven't been able get past that horrible morning to grieve my beautiful son properly. Any ideas? I'm in southern wisconsin and just looking for someone who I can relate with. I am currently on leave from work and broke.

 

[seedling]

I can relate to some of your experience. I'm so sorry.

My son was shot by another boy, unlike your son he didn't die that night. I came to their house with no warning what had happened and saw him lying on the floor dying. The look in his eyes, he almost didn't make it, he was 12 then. The years after for all of us to climb out of that hole.

A good PTSD therapist knows it takes time, lots of it, and goes according to the patient's schedule. It's possible to have all kinds of feelings about any therapist along the way. Is there a way to voice your concerns? Be patient with yourself. Whatever her thoughts are it is your therapy.

I understand being out of work and broke too. It takes such a financial toll trying to find and pay for treatment. Do the best you can for the moment. Things do change. I couldn't have imagined where we are at now a few years ago. Life is better.

The grieving will come eventually. How is your husband doing?

My sincere condolences on the loss of your wonderful boy.

 

[anthony]

Welcome to one of the few resources available for those with PTSD, who aren't just veterans.

 

[PTSD NON VETERAN mom]

My husband is his stepfather.... I hate to say this because he has been a rock until lately but he sick and tired of my not doing housework, laundry, cooking etc. I did everything before. It makes me feel more isolated and now I'm harboring some anger towards him because he didn't come in my son's room to help me. But he knew it was bad from my screams and couldn't get himself to face it. My son's biological father is heartbroken and missing his son but has avoided helping pay the huge funeral bill which somehow was put in just my name. And has even mentioned that he shouldn't have to pay half because it happened in my home. I am just trying to keep the peace with my ex but feel hurt and it makes me feel more guilt.

Thank God your son survived and it sounds like you have come together as a family to help each other get through these tough times. I appreciate your kind words and I know exactly how you felt when you found him dying... I'm so sorry you and your son had to go through that trauma and I hope you can continue to heal.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am so sorry for what you've been thru. Have you read Peter Levine's Waking the Tiger? If you haven't, I think you would find it very helpful. A support group would be fantastic, and so would releasing the trauma energy that is in your body. This site is a fantastic source of information and support. Hug if okay.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry to hear about your loss and nothing can prepare a parent to lose a child. PTSD can cause a person to become "stuck" for lack of a better word, so it makes sense that you are having trouble with the grieving process. Therapy is suppose to help a person process the trauma so they can move forward. If you feel that your therapist is not helping you do this, you need to have a discussion with her and express your concerns and clarify your own goals. They are there to help you to reach those goals.

There is a lot of information for supporters on this site and hopefully sharing some of this information can help you husband understand what is going on. It is hard for people who do not have PTSD to understand just how debilitating it can be.

Debbie

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am so sorry. I can't imagine. I am just so sorry. Do you have MeetUp.com in your area? I found 2 free PTSD groups through MeetUp. Have you tried googling support groups? Hugs if you accept them.

 

[anthony]

@DharmaGirl, that meet up is pretty cool...

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yep, its the best thing ever. They have all sorts of resources and groups just for fun.

 

[anthony]

I'm finding that out actually... been browsing through it for my area.

 

[PTSD NON VETERAN mom]

It's been months since I've posted but nothing has changed for the better yet. I'm on alot of medications to try to stop the sleepwalking especially since I've taken a couple of bad falls the worse one in my garage going God knows where. I'm doing everything the professionals want me to do but feel like I'm still stuck. I feel like if I could find one person who had the type of trauma that I've experienced including the fight with officers and being beat up and detained for all those hours I might get past that morning and be able to grieve my beautiful son like a normal mother. These holidays are making me all the more depressed and sometimes I have very dark days. I love the gift of life but don't know how to live it anymore. No PTSD support groups in my area unless your a vet. Have been going to Survivors of Suicide support group but still don't feel I belong there or get anything out of it. The people there are full blown grieving and I still haven't gotten past 5:00 am March 21st. In my night terrors I'm still fighting the invisible police to get to back to my son. At least I haven't slugged my husband in the eye for months in my sleep but have had rage episodes against perfect strangers saying a rude comment here and there. My Psychiatrist and therapist say I need to be more patient with my recovery but am wondering if I should wean off all the medications and see what's left of me and try again. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[anthony]

Then raise your thoughts here and get feedback and discussion from those who understand. You aren't alone, not if you don't want to be.