Worst Anxiety Levels In Over A Year

[HëllaBubz]

Had a massive fight with in-laws. Too triggered to even write about it right now. Gave them the final you-are-now-dead-to-me treatment.

Mean it too.

Other half keeps undermining that with underhanded comments like "I got invited to X, *sad face* but can't now because I can't take my family".

Long and short of it, I am so sensitive that even small thoughts are enough to send jolts of adrenaline through me.

I've been having nightmares about my LO being abducted, about his brothers hurting me etc. When told about the nightmares, the severe anxiety, inability to sleep or nap and how his actions heavily impacted me there is nothing but silence and then change of topic.

f*ck this. I really can't live like this. I really need to get this out in counseling with him, as this is just eating at me.

I'm so tired of not being heard or acknowledged, and I'm extremely angry that he's contributed so heavily to making me like this and there isn't even a half hearted " I'm sorry".

Just denial and minimising through words or silence.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Bubzilla
it may be that the not understanding is his way of protecting from something that he's not ready or perhaps even capable of handling yet.

He may not be ready to admit to himself that his family really is toxic.

He may also not know what you are expecting of him.

I'm not saying that you do this, I'm using it as an example:

I now know that with one of my exs, what I took to be out and out attacks on me and recitations of all my past sins against her, were her way of signalling that she just wanted to be hugged and listened to.

It wasn't obvious to me at the time, and, in the frame of mind that she was in (arguably a very young "part"), it wasn't obvious to her that I really didn't understand.

You might also like to ponder on what you mean by:

and I'm extremely angry that he's contributed so heavily to making me like this and there isn't even a half hearted " I'm sorry".

There is only one person who has access to your mind,

and that person isn't him.

He can't live your life for you, and you can't live his for him.

I've only just found this myself, and I'm still digesting it, if "alcoholic" isn't appropriate, just put in what is appropriate. I hope you find it as helpful as I'm finding it.
Link Removed

 

[HëllaBubz]

There is only one person who has access to your mind,

He's asked what's going on, and I've told him very, very clearly.

He may not be ready to admit to himself that his family really is toxic.

He's not.

He may also not know what you are expecting of him.

Our relationship has revolved heavily around me communicating to him what's going on and what I need. He does not EVER ask of his own volition despite repeated requests to do so.

Our biggest issues have come from when we are in an argument, he gets easily agitated, triggers me, so I put up my hand and say I want to stop.....he refuses and keeps going, even pursuing me to another room.

He then says we have issues because I can't handle the difficult topics. I can handle them, I just can't handle being triggered by him and then having him in my face.

The other biggest issue is his lack of trying to find out what he can do, so if I'm so heavily triggered that I can't speak, he ignores, isolates and throws his hands in the air and says there's nothing he can do.


It makes me so f*cking angry, because then when he's nailed to the wall, he then blames my symptoms.

He won't even hop on the forum to get support and learn more, it all has to be me telling him, otherwise it's my fault.

If it wasn't for my daughter, I don't think I'd be with him.

I just hope he will see the light in therapy, or I'm going to have to reassess.

 

[HëllaBubz]

If it wasn't for my daughter, I don't think I'd be with him.

Well, not entirely true. I guess I feel this way the most when his behaviour gets too much for me.

 

[Anarchy]

That is bloody difficult.
I'm feeling pretty crappy about inflicting that earlier post on you, what you've written is absolutely crystal clear (I hated being followed and cornered too - but five minutes later I couldn't remember much about it).

Hugs, hope he'll understand, and a pair of eyes to read your posts are all I can offer :hug:

 

[HëllaBubz]

That is bloody difficult.
I'm feeling pretty crappy about inflicting that earlier post on you, what you've written is absolutely crystal clear

Well, you weren't to know that I communicate so much with him. It's fairly well known that CPTSD sufferers like to clam up, so a reasonable assumption.

I know this can be fixed, people tell me just how frigging tough I am, but ye gods this one is going to stretch me!

 

[holdenmonty]

dealing with anybody that is toxic is really tough or even toxic situations. It's even tougher when your significant other doesn't even try to understand. I'm honestly at a loss for words. I wonder if there is a video or something you can watch with him and tell him how you can relate to the video about CPTSD. For me with my PTSD my wife seemed like she tried to stay ignorant to it until we watched the show Dog's of War on A&E together and I told her how I could relate to the vets on there with PTSD and then she started to understand.

 

[HëllaBubz]

For me with my PTSD my wife seemed like she tried to stay ignorant to it

My in laws do this deliberately, and then try to make out it's just my personality.

Other half not so bad, he really does try to understand..... But only if I'm the one explaining it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can so relate. When I was first married I had so many run ins with my father in law and my husbands sister. He had torn loyalties and it made me so angry because while I was dealing with my toxic family and he would side with his parents. I understand how you feel. One therapist told me I was dragging him behind me.

But the day did come that he finally took a stand against his tyrannical father and sided with me and everything changed for the better between my husband and me. His dad was a tyrant and a bully and he eventually developed a grudging respect for me and we actually got closer before he died. I hope the same happens for you, because it is hell going through it. Hugs.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Thanks @gizmo . it really does feel like I'm dragging him behind me.

I hope it gets better

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Whoa. The person who doesn't respect boundaries and need for space is dangerous. My mom does the same thing. Won't let go. Follows you around until SHE is done talking/arguing/yelling/whatever. Will get IN your face, ie no bubble of space around you. Its maddening. She knows how to push those buttons so that you get SO aggravated that someone is literally TWO INCHES from you that you end up pushing back and she plays the damn victim. Yet another reason why she's out of my life.

PS Weren't you the one who had the title about barbed wire boundaries at one point?

 

[HëllaBubz]

I was indeed Solara.

Except that I've found that electric fences do nothing for triggered men who are really little boys needing comfort because conflict scares them and brings up old feelings of abandonment.

And he's slowly getting better, after our T pulled him up on it because he did it in therapy quite aggressively. They think he has bonding trauma and issues which stem from that, which fits my own experience with him.

Honestly, if I ever did leave it would solve nothing because we both need to be parents for our little girl which means the issues would continue.

Our new counselling schedule starts next week, we'll see what that brings.