Deep Dark Fears

[Harley Quinn]

I had an awful night again. The fear got stronger at night. Home was quiet. I was alone and I felt them. The shadows were there.

I managed to sleep before 11pm. I was scared as hell and was holding my teddy tight. But I didn't fell good at all. They were getting closer... Staring at me.

I had to wake up at 2 am to go pee... When I went back to my room everything was scarier I was about to cry. The thing is that I can't sleep with light on. I was in bed and I felt them so close to me.

To feel better I tried religion. I do believe in god and have a religion even though I'm not praying or anything. But I believe that god protects me. Saying parts of coran to myself calmed me down a bit.

My nights are really hard lately... Deep dark fears are striking...

 

[Ronin]

May I ask what your routines are before bed?

I found doing something I believe may be even remotely useful about the place helps. Patrol around a while to make sure it's clear, check all points I believe are likely to have danger coming through, re-visit a list of people I know may have reasons for such visits & go through what I know about them and how they think, running & work outs and all in all stuff that makes me feel *physically* in control, things like that. Then arriving at soothing routines. Massage, shower, comfort foods, different clothes, warm drinks, music, something spiritual. Eventually. A lot of the days I don't exactly arrive at the soothing part because I'm too pissed off there's no intruder just when I'm getting ready for them, but man can't have everything.

Point being, can you do something to ease your fears before night makes them worse?

 

[scout86]

You know that shadows are just shadows, they don't have eyes and they can't hurt you, right? I understand the fear, and I understand that you can't just think it away. I also know, though, if I let my fears run away with me, things just get worse. It helps me to stop and TELL myself, "It's only shadows". It might help to have a flashlight with you. that you can turn on and see what's REALLY there.

I do things similar to @Kaia. I quit using my computer at least an hour before I intend to go to sleep. (At least that's the plan.) I have a cup of coffee a half hour before bedtime because I apparently have ADHD and it helps me get to sleep. I hope to clear my mind of the day's problems at the same time. (This can be tough!) When I go to bed, I take note of how my body feels and deliberately relax the tense muscles. (Which is usually most of them!) If I'm really having problems, I remind myself of where I am, that it's safe, that the dogs are with me and would wake me up if anything happened, etc. When I REALLY can't get to sleep, sometimes I get up and walk through the house, just to assure what ever part of my brain it is that's having the problem, that there's no one or nothing here.

What's your usual routine like @Harley Quinn ?

 

[Ronin]

Eventually @Harley Quinn, what helps with shadows as uh... weird everything out there, same advice: scare them first. Not even kidding; think of what worst can happen, getting through the dread's got enough satisfaction on the other end. Plus, you already can think of it being worse, meaning you're one step ahead of everything, you're wiser of one possibility, now the only thing you need to find out how to not tear you apart. (Breaaathing. It's a start. Relaxing, as above. Usually go hand in hand.)

One other thing coming to mind - even if things were 'just' in your mind, defeating them there is so much of victory. *star for you* If they're not... congratz, you're wiser of how to deal with one more pester. ;)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Harley Quinn,

Are you a sufferer, too?

 

[Harley Quinn]

@Solara no PTSD... Just troubles...

 

[Harley Quinn]

May I ask what your routines are before bed? ...can you do something to ease your fears before night makes them worse?

I just stay on my phone before sleeping... I don't have habits... Of course I check my room every night but don't find anything and it's even more scary than finding, I guess...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I was just curious as I saw your intro post and I know you're a supporter. There are a number of people on here who are both supporters and sufferers.

 

[Ronin]

@Harley Quinn, what do you want to find when you check? Or what are you scared of finding? Fear's pretty flexible thing, courage is more flexible than that. Would it help you to talk to people about your fears immediately after you're done checking? Having feedback on what's up and a way to just vent?

 

[Harley Quinn]

@Solara maybe I'm not a PTSD sufferer but for sure I have some fears that are kind of similar to some PTSD symptoms... This fear is something that haunts me almost everyday and this forum shows support, at least more than relatives

@Kaia maybe after checking it would help me to talk. I don't know if checking is helping me... It's scares me... Even if I know I will not find something because deep down inside me I feel that they hide... But having a conversation about it would be good

 

[scout86]

@Harley Quinn , do you have an idea what (or who) "they" are?

 

[Ronin]

Pretty relevant question yeah, who or what are they, what's it feel like?