Childhood Feeling Like Your Childhood Was Taken Away From You?

[Hansgrohe]

I don't think I'm alone when I state this.

Whenever I look back at what has happened to me, all the abuse (physical, mental, emotional, verbal, etc in many different forms), one thing that always strikes my find is this feeling of having my childhood stolen from me. I was never given a chance to have friends, pursue basic interests, or even some of the corny stereotype teen stuff that you see on TV. Not only do I feel this overbearing emotion of being scarred, but I feel this feeling of anger. Anger at my abusers and anger at overall society, for not letting me be. For trying to "fix" me and failing miserably in the process.

 

[SeanCharles]

one thing that always strikes my find is this feeling of having my childhood stolen from me.

@Hansgrohe In a real sense, you like everyone else on this forum (at least those who have suffered childhood abuse) has in essence has had their childhood stolen!

I know for me, and this is something I am still struggling to wrap my head around in my case, my parents needed to get help with alcoholism which my father came to realize was a problem (on top of also using tranquilizers).

When he and my mom entered a 12 step program, they met a woman who taught at a local high school and referred first one, then a second student from her class. Both students seemed to be good students. What happened under my care by them was they stole my childhood by engaging me in sexual acts!

---SeanGeo

 

[Orglethorp]

I feel this most when people get the "wouldn't it be nice to be kids again" line of idle chatter going. No, it wouldn't be nice.

 

[SeanCharles]

I feel this most when people get the "wouldn't it be nice to be kids again" line of idle chatter going. No, it wouldn't be nice.

To me, if I could be a kid again and could choose how my parents were to raise me, then maybe It'd be nice! :D I know... wishful thinking!

---SeanGeo

 

[Just tryin to heal]

@Hansgrohe I agree 100% and can relate

 

[user27357]

yep, lots of that going around. A whole bunch of us had parents that were more concerned with their own agenda than being what the world accepts as supportive and functional as parents.

I remember being told I had to find a place to stay for the weekend, they wanted to get away and didn't want to have me burden a babysitter or torment my step sisters so I had to just find a way to support my own needs for the weekend. I was eleven.

The plan was that I would come home when it got dark and beg to be allowed to stay with my step sisters and my step mothers psych major friend who was playing the role of babysitter. She would gather up the girls and go to her house and I would have a weekend alone to think about how I was going to knuckle under to my stepmothers cult of a religion that I was rejecting with all my strength.

I found a place to stay complete with a trade of labor (mowing the lawn and raking some leaves) at the home of a friend that I had only known for a week or two. I stayed until well after dark on sunday and came home proud that I had met the challenge.

I remember being marched around the house, accused of having broken in somehow. Psych major babysitter had abandoned ship and taken the girls to her place after getting tired of waiting for my tearful return friday night. They were sure I had broken in and covered my tracks somehow, I think I might have even taken a beating for lieing about it too, I don't remember everything.

Childhood ended that day.

And I still get angry about it. Everyone deserves a childhood. I wasn't afraid of being forced to work or take on responsibilities, I wasn't angry about having to find the means to support myself then or 3 years later when I got a work permit and a job.

I still get angry about their total blindness to their duty as parents to support and nurture my positive attributes because all they saw in me was the rejection of their cult. They even told me that the things I have accomplished in this life (college graduate, family man, 30 year marriage, homeowner) are only the result of some kind of evil intervention designed by Satan himself to test their faith. No kidding. How messed up is that? Yeah, I am still angry.

 

[Ronin]

My childhood raised me to be a strong person I am now.
Little me is the reason I am alive now. As much as I hate a lot of what it was, what it could have been, what it was supposed to be and never was, what I wished it were - I'll never hate parts of that childhood because they are the reason I breathe now, because /something/ back then was good enough to persuade me life's worth it.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I fully agree on this one.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Anger is a part of healing. You'll work through it in time.

 

[sun seeker]

I kind of feel like I've had my adulthood taken away too. I know, I know, it's as adults that we have choices and are responsible for our own happiness. It's just that when you haven't had the foundation in childhood, it's so much more of an uphill battle. Things like relationships, career, social life, etc. that many people take for granted are so far out of my league I listen to people talking about them and feel like I'm on a different planet. Just functioning at a basic level takes most of my energy. Yes, I feel angry about it, but anger is quickly mixed up with shame (feeling not good enough) so it's a complicated thing.

edited to add: I posted this and then remembered the OP is a teenager and probably looking forward to things getting better. In a way they do get better. If I'd had the knowledge at your age that you have, I could have saved myself a lot of suffering later on. There weren't groups like this one at the time, for example, and I had lousy luck finding the help I needed. I didn't have the awareness until much, much later that the way I experienced life wasn't normal.

 

[SeanCharles]

Anger is a part of healing. You'll work through it in time.

In part, I do agree with this statement. I have let go of self anger.

however anger at my parents still exists! The most difficult part is working through this anger especially where my mom is concerned.

---SeanGeo

 

[Javagoat]

I'm definitely with you on the anger. Childhood trauma has left me with complex psych issues and I developed fibromyalgia at 32 which I certain is trauma related. After ten years of sobriety, suffering from chronic pain, stumbling to maintain my relationship, and struggling in a another college program to finally secure a good job with benefits, I mustered to courage to get help. Now, I've been on a variety of psych meds for 6 yrs and in weekly therapy for 5yrs. I grew up thinking that my constant anxiety and depression was just biology but gradually I learned that it was PTSD from my childhood. I'm extremely pissed that my childhood was terrible then and continues to significantly impede my ability to enjoy my adult life,