General PTSD - Relationship Deal Breakers

[discarded]

Dishonesty!! I left because I could no longer deal with his dishonesty. Even when caught out cheating on me he could not be honest. I no longer trusted him, I was no longer a priority to him. I struggled to recognoise what was PTSD related and what wasn't. I was incredibly lonely in a marriage that had lasted 28 years of army life. And I saw the damage it was doing to me and our daughter. If I couldn't save him, then I could at least save myself so that our daughter had at least one parent to rely on.

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

My husband left me and our kids (4 and 5) in April of this year.
He was difficult to deal with because of abandonment issues, lying, and self pity, but I would have never given up on him. He was tremendously affectionate and a wonderful father.

Hmmm... he was also impossible to have a simple disagreement with. He would intimidate me, so I could not speak at all.

In the end, he wasn't happy and I did all kinds of things to cause it (NOT!!!).

Over the past few months, the lying, confusion, fear and anger have been just terrible. I'm still having a hard time.

I was willing to help him if he chose to get help, but he's now met another woman and wants a divorce.

He met her 10 days ago.

I always thought it was strange how quickly he became infatuated with me!

 

[discarded]

Cheating and then lying about it when caught out. I think I could have possibly forgiven the cheating but the lying about it, saying it had ended while still continuing it, was humiliating to say the least. Blaming the cheating on his PTSD confused me a lot too. He refused to discuss any of it with me also and would not go to counselling with me. 27 years of mariage down the drain.

I found it hard to cope with the fact he was diagnosed with PTSD, took the payout then didn't follow through with any medical help. The drinking also became an issue. Then he started to look at me like I was the enemy, like I was the cause of his problems. I started to get scared. We could not resolve anything because he refused to talk about any of it. He said he was scared of what he might do to me if I persisted in wanting to talk about his cheating.

I left to give him a break, to sort himself out. 2 and 1/2 years later we are still separated, still married and he is living with a new partner who knows nothing about his past.

 

[Nicolette]

He met her 10 days ago.

and he is living with a new partner who knows nothing about his past.

Because it is easier for them to deal with a relationship with no history... sad but true.

 

[discarded]

Very sad Nicolete. It has been hard on all of our family, not just me. The kids have suffered terribly and he could care less.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Infidelity is a deal breaker.

Lying is a deal breaker.

That said, a relationship has to be based on trust, from both sides, and to both sides. A loss of trust would thereofore also be a deal breaker.

 

[Wastinglight]

Cheating - dealbreaker.

Lying - dealbreaker (about important stuff, anyway)

Not actively participating in the relationship - dealbreaker. IMO, both people have to be present in, and working on, the relationship for it to be successful.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I agree with the infidelity, lying, abuse, and withholding affection/intimacy that have been mentioned in this thread. I would also add, since I am a single mom, any kind of mistreatment of my kids. That is a big no-go. They do not need to be the target of any kind of snarky attitude or lashing behavior.