Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts

[Notsowild]

I can't seem to get them out of my head. I did make a New Years resolution to die this year. It comes on so strong where I feel I need to go to the nearest ER. I still think of when would be a good time to go. I know it would be hard on my family but really what good am I to them. I'm irritable, moody, and they don't understand this disorder. Can't see much good in staying in this PTSD brain. Too hard, always tired, tired of the fight, just want to give up.

Not even sure why I'm writing this because all I'll hear is... Pity party! Feeling sorry for yourself Boo hoo. Suck it up!
You don't have to live my life.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't think this is a pity party, I feel the same way you do most of the time. Are you in therapy or getting any treament?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I agree with Casey. Doesn't look like a pity party to me. I think no one thinks so.
I am sorry you are feeling this way Notsowild. I feel this way some times but then I manage to find my way out somehow.

It's hard to see you being so hard on yourself. I think your family members see things in you, good things, that you are not able to see.
It may seem like all you are is PTSD right now, but as a person you're not reduced to the disorder. There's parts of you that are still hiding under the disorder, that aren't all that negative and painful.

Don't know if it helps at all when I say those things, after all I remember the period in my life where I felt like you, and I felt like nothing anyone was going to say could help. In the end the only thing that helped was forcing myself to go on walks in the sun, forcing myself out of the house, forcing myself to stop indulging in negativity. But it's easy to say and hard to do.

I'll just send you a lot of hugs then, if you need them.

 

[shimmerz]

OMG I get this way....it is either really frightening or 'whatever', depending on the time.

I did make a New Years resolution to die this year

I don't make New Year's resolutions thank god, or this might have been one of them. I don't know what is happening in your life, probably a ton of really bad shiest, stuff that seems endless. I can't, nor will I attempt to convince you that it will be okay. Hell, I don't think mine will be ok ever. So, no talk of pity parties here and no light at the end of the tunnel speeches. I just want you to know that it matters to me that you feel so terribly low.

 

[rightkindofme]

Doesn't sound like whining. Sounds like hurting. Dealing with suicidal ideation is horrible, I'm sorry you are struggling. Lots of us have been there. You aren't alone. I'm sorry it hurts like this.

Your family gets things from you that you can't perceive right now. That doesn't mean they get nothing from you.

 

[TonyG]

We are all here for each other, I myself know the feeling you have and like many others, are here to talk to when ever you need to vent your feelings, it's never a pitty party, We are all suffering from PTSD,

 

[Recovery4Me]

Pity party! Feeling sorry for yourself Boo hoo. Suck it up!
You don't have to live my life.

Many struggle with suicide ideation and it is not an elite club but a common denominator among the onsets of hopelessness bouts. Wanting to end the pain and having that quick feel of empowerment to choose life or death, can seem pretty tasty to the need set of control.

What I found to be true for me...I chose to live and so have many others. So that is not 'sucking it up', but standing up. I did not have a 'pity party' but did have depression. I was in terrible anguish and 'boo hooing' is natural when in pain- unless one is mute.

And as for those morons that may tell you those bloody phrases...perhaps offer them defiance. Since if they would kindly remove themselves, it would solve your problems of dealing with the same mentality that victimized you in the first place.

Glad, that you are choosing to live: it is a most courageous choice. :hug:'s if you accept